It Happened to Jane Page #5

right there.

Did you know Cape Anne

is one of the few places left in America...

or in the whole world, for that matter...

where every person still votes

on every single thing? Did you know that?

- No, I didn't know that.

- Well, it is.

Once a year,

we all come here to the town meeting.

By the way, next Thursday at 4:00...

the whole place will be filled with every

man, woman and child in Cape Anne.

Of course, the kids don't vote,

but boy, they listen and they learn.

Town meeting will now come to order.

Billy Osgood, you know the rules

about animals. Remove that lobster.

- Who's that, Sam?

- That is.

And who are you?

Me? I'm Aaron Caldwell, first selectman.

- Aaron Caldwell.

- Yeah.

He also runs the grocery store in town.

He's been first selectman

as long as I can remember.

And George Denham's

always the defeated candidate?

Not always. It used to be my dad.

Of course, he came pretty close

a couple times to being elected...

but never quite made it.

Well, I guess he was just too idealistic.

Fighting for lost causes. You better watch

your head when you come down.

I've a feeling you're a lot like your dad.

- I hope so.

- I know so.

Why, you've declared war on Goliath.

You and your slingshot.

- What?

- You fight for what you believe in.

I like that. I'd like to believe I'm like that.

That's the reason

I became a newspaperman.

The thin voice of principle

may sound corny those days, but...

Not to me.

Nor to me.

What about Hank? It was Hank, right?

- Yes, it was Hank.

- What was he like?

There was only one Hank.

Janey. Boy, have I been looking...

- Do you know what these are?

- Bills?

Bills! They're everything but bills.

There's real money here.

These are all orders for lobsters.

- What?

- Hi, there, Hall.

Janey, for some reason...

every TV show in the country

seems to want you as a guest.

- Me?

- Yeah.

Listen, read this.

This is real vindication here.

Malone's paying public

is behind you. Listen:

"Hang on, girlie. Mallet-head Malone

has been asking for it." Signed, a commuter.

- Read the orders.

- Wait, I'm getting to them.

There's a very important one here,

there it is.

"Willing to let bygones be bygones.

"Send 250 lobsters immediately."

Marshalltown Country Club.

Isn't that the deal

that started this whole thing?

- I love them.

- Isn't that decent?

"Can you furnish 100 lobsters

for County Cork Night?

"Hibernian Brotherhood, Bronx, New York."

One hundred!

It's the publicity.

You're the most famous gal in America.

That slingshot turned into quite a weapon.

What do you mean, a slingshot?

Larry said that I was David

and Harry Foster Malone was Goliath.

- I never thought of it.

- How many is that altogether?

It's over 500. I haven't counted yet.

What do you bet there'll be more?

- George doesn't gamble, do you?

- I don't believe in it.

You ought to try it sometime.

Nothing like winning.

- Except losing.

- This is no time to talk about losing.

I've got to call my paper on this,

then I'm clear.

How about dinner tonight?

We can celebrate this.

- She's busy.

- I am, Larry.

The Wolf pack is coming over tonight

for a cookout and since I'm den mother...

Hey, guess what we're having?

- I love lobster.

- Do you?

- Can I use your phone, young lady?

- Well, if you reverse the charges.

George. Come on.

That's quite an outfit you're wearing, Akela.

How do you get those stockings

to stay up? Willpower?

Mommy!

- Ain't no girls allowed!

- It's dark. I'm afraid to sit there by myself.

- Now, Billy, the cookout is over, dear.

- But it isn't over. Akela promised.

Billy, it is 8:
00.

Now, come on, all you boys.

It's time you headed for home.

- George, get them.

- All right.

Come on, kids.

Everybody gather around.

All right. Quiet down.

Quiet down. Now, everybody be good.

We have to be gentlemen.

We're going to sing our song.

Be prepared

Help an old lady cross the street

Be prepared

Always be sure your room is neat

Be prepared

Get up and give someone your seat

And you'll be a real good scout

Be prepared

Carry a girl's books home from school

Be prepared

Don't lose your temper, play it cool

Be prepared

Always obey the Golden Rule

And you'll be a real good scout.

So listen to your dad and mother

Oh, your mother

And learn that one good turn

deserves another

Another

Be prepared

Help with the dishes every night

Be prepared

Try shaking hands and stop a fight

Be prepared

Remember two wrongs don't make a right

And there isn't any doubt

That you'll be a real good scout

Be prepared

Light up a fire with just two sticks

Be prepared

Find something broken you can fix

Be prepared

Smile at the teacher just for kicks

And you'll be a real good scout

Be prepared

Like everybody, every place

Be prepared

Whatever color, creed, or race

Be prepared

If they're from Earth or outer space

And you'll be a real good scout

Just love thy neighbor like a brother

Like a brother

You'll find that one good turn

deserves another

Another

Be prepared

Always be kind to dogs and cats

Be prepared

All of our doors have welcome mats

It's great to be alive

and that's something to sing about

It's fun to be a real good scout

All right, boys. Come on.

Get your coats over here.

Here you go, come on.

Where's my little girl?

Oh, I forgot about you.

Oh, hello, Homer. Good to see you.

- Has your raccoon come home yet?

- No.

Matilda Runyon told me...

that Clara Kolter over at High River,

she heard her cat yowling the other night.

He always did like to frisk with cats.

But Clara told Matilda...

that when she went outside,

there was nothing but the cat.

Well, he'll come home, Homer.

He always does.

- How about some lobster?

- No.

- Lemonade, maybe?

- No, thanks.

- I already had my supper.

- Oh, you did?

I only got a minute, Janey.

I want to take Cynthia here

up on the cliffs. He might get a...

Well, what's new, Homer?

Honey, you'd better go to bed now.

Mommy'll be up in a minute.

Well, I'll tell you.

Well, what's the matter?

- It's Mr. Malone, Janey.

- What about him?

He wants rent.

- Rent?

- For what?

For the tracks where old 97 is sitting.

Well, it's his tracks, all right.

Yeah, he says he wants a $1 a foot,

starting today.

That'll be $230 by tomorrow.

I'm sorry, Janey. I'm awful sorry for you.

Well, good night. Come on, Cynthia.

Now, look. This settles it.

I'm gonna mortgage my house,

and I'm not taking no for an answer.

No.

We're gonna incorporate

and we'll pay Malone.

- In the meantime, we'll fill in today's orders.

- How?

I'll deliver the lobsters

in your station wagon.

George, you wouldn't get to High River

in that station wagon.

Air freight's too expensive,

truck freight is too slow.

Look, I've got it. A fund in the Mirror.

Like a Christmas fund

or a summer camp fund.

"Mothers Against Malone."

Every morning on the front page.

- We'll get your rent.

- You mean a charity kind of thing?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes