It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Page #5

Oh, no, Dad, let's stop with

the Moby Dick crap, all right?

Just leave Asher out of this thing.

I'm not gonna have you bringing Asher

into what happened to me

when I was growing up.

- Oh, is that so?

- That's so, Dad! Enough!

Your wife died. I've lost my mother.

It's enough, OK?

Everybody, group hug. Come on.

Don't be a smart-ass, OK?

I wasn't talkin' to you.

Stop trying to make everybody cry

with you, man. I'm sick of that!

Some men cry inside.

That's what I'm saying, Pappy.

Not everybody's

a soggy cracker like you.

Oh, sh*t!

- I think I got a fish, man!

- He got it!

This is a big one, man.

- Look at that thing!

- That's a big one!

It's a big one!

- Where's the net?

- Go ahead.

- Grab it.

- All right, take it in!

- Use your hands! Use your hands!

- I got it, all right?

Take the hook out.

I've got him.

OK, here we go! All right!

What the hell are you doin', man?

Damn!

Tell me you didn't just...

- What the hell?

- You had it in your hands!

- What's the matter with you?

- I'm sorry, OK?

Let's see if you can get another one.

- Mean brisket, Mom.

- I had nothing to do with it.

What's Pappy doing? Can you see him?

Watching TV.

How can you just sit there?

Go get him.

Not hungry.

I'm sorry about...

..the fish and everything.

If you change your mind,

we'd love you to join us.

I get it all the way into the boat,

but what does my father do?

The guy drops the slippery sucker,

man.

Are you upset about your grandmother?

I'm here.

You wanna talk about it?

No. Not particularly.

I'm really sorry.

Yeah, I know.

What are you doing

after graduation?

Doin' that Eurorail-get-on-the-

train-with-Americans-like-you thing?

I have a job.

Of course you do.

I'm starting at the end of July.

I'm gonna be an editorial assistant.

What about you?

After my fifth year?

I have... no idea.

Can I ask you a personal question?

I don't deal with death very well,

so

Are you wearing any

exciting undergarments?

Christ, Asher, does death

always make you this horny?

I don't know. This is my first death.

It's my grandfather.

I better get going.

- I'm glad I called.

- Me, too.

I'll talk to you later.

Who was that?

Just a lady-friend.

You schtupping her?

- No, actually. Not yet.

- Why the hell not?

Let me give you a quick pointer.

When you're ready to close the deal,

get up, put on your shoes and leave.

- What do you mean?

- Just what I said.

Put on your shoes

and walk through the door.

That's your pointer?

Mark my words.

She'll come back

when you least expect it.

He thinks he can handle it alone,

but Mom, she did everything for him.

What happens if he has another

stroke, or breaks one of his hips?

What is this? What?

Look what the tooth fairy

left for you.

Oh, Jesus!

I tried to wait, I really did.

I loved your mother very much,

and you did, too.

But she would understand I couldn't

go through the motions any longer!

- Honey, I know this looks bad...

- Bad?!

- But it is not what you think.

- That isn't bad? Oh, bad!

I have been acting like a crazy

person for the last two days,

carrying another woman's panties,

trying to decide

what the hell to do with them!

- Bec, this is nothing.

- Nothing?

Don't tell me it's nothing!

This is definitely something!

Whatever the hell it is,

it's something!

- And it's got lace all over it!

- Nothing happened, all right?

I'm in the soup kitchen

and this woman comes after me.

- I don't want details!

- I'm telling the truth!

Then how did her friggin' panties

end up in your pocket?

I don't know.

All right.

All right, let's say that...

nothing happened,

just like you said.

Did you want something to happen

with this woman, Alex?

Did you?

That's all I needed to know.

I can't do this right now.

I don't expect you to.

But it's out there now. And we're

going to have to deal with it.

Are you OK, little man?

It's so retarded.

It's OK. Don't worry, man.

Mom and Dad will kiss and make up

before tomorrow morning.

As gross as that sounds.

It's not Mom and Dad. It's dancing.

What?

Dancing.

There's a school dance on Wednesday.

It's stupid. I don't get

why anyone would wanna do that.

Isn't your lady-friend

gonna be there?

Remember?

The one that you wanted to slap

the old Gromberg lip-lock on?

Whatever.

Man. Sixth grade dance!

Spring fling.

Man, if anything's gonna go down

that's where it's gonna happen.

Trust me.

I got your back on that one.

Yeah. Whatever.

She has a nose ring.

The runaway?

That's your girlfriend?

It's Abby, thank you very much.

Sh*t.

I'm impressed.

What's wrong with a nose ring,

anyway?

It's in her nose.

I think I miss her.

Who? The little punk chick?

No.

Granny.

Yeah.

I miss her too.

In the doghouse?

Don't ask, Dad.

Let's go for a ride.

What?

You can drive.

I had a thought.

What if you and Rebecca

took over the deed.

- Which deed?

- Which deed?

The deed to the house.

You just thought about that?

I wonder what made you think of that?

Pull over.

Dad, if you just hold onto it,

there's a gas station up on Route 9.

I don't have to pee.

Please, pull over.

Right here.

You OK?

I met your mother here.

I thought you met in law school.

I met her right there.

Bake sale.

I bought a piece of poppy-seed cake.

Went in to get another,

just to see her again.

I must have had six slices

before I had the nerve

to ask her to go out.

Your mother...

was the best thing...

..that ever happened in my life.

I can hardly breathe without her.

You know,

for thirty years, every Friday,

I took the express

from Grand Central.

You know,

I used to love that train ride.

Spending some time alone with my dad.

Your mother liked to drive up

on her own.

So we'd greet each other fresh

for the weekend.

The train would roll in,

I'd step out...

and there she was,

waiting for me.

Always.

Dad, Rebecca and l

are in some trouble.

Did you hear what I said?

Now what did you do wrong?

She thinks I'm having an affair.

With another woman?

Yeah, Dad, with another woman.

It doesn't surprise me.

What do you mean,

it doesn't surprise you?

You never had

a real sense of follow-through.

See? I mean, that's it!

I'm trying to talk to you,

and you can't have one minute go by

without trying to insult me?

I'm just telling it like it is.

Like it is?

Or how you like to see it?

I mean, just because your old man

was a cold-hearted prick

doesn't mean that you and l

gotta be that way.

Why is it that whatever I do,

I always feel like it's not enough?

I always feel like

I'm comin' up short, Dad. Why?

What is that?

Why, Dad?

What, Mom's not here to defend you?

You don't know what to say?

She was always ready to serve you.

- When she was here...

- Stop!

Don't talk about your mother

like that!

I will talk about her any way

I want! Because she is my mother.

And, Dad

you're my father.

Couldn't you just at least have

a little bit of approval

about my life?

Is that really gonna kill you,

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