Jack, Jules, Esther & Me Page #4

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We can totally take them.

It was a couple cards

in whites

which they kept me inside...

Okay, first question.

Keeping it simple.

Um... favorite animal!

Koala bear.

Koala bear?

Um!

I wonder.

Here.

One. Two. Three.

I actually like Koala bears.

The creepy fields

outside at night...

Okay.

Secret summer activities.

Now, this is a real event

that occurred, okay?

Had sex with Jack.

It wasn't me.

Um...

summer's not over yet, okay?

But...

It's true. I did make... - That is not

fair! - ... love to myself many times.

So, I can absolutely put myself.

Just like that.

Just like... drink!

Number of dudes or dudettes that

Esther came out with this summer.

Thanks, guys.

Yeah!

We have to drink.

All right, nice. Drink. Drink.

All right.

All right,

we're entering a new phase now.

New phase.

Embarrassing sexual situations.

Getting dry humped

by my AP Bio partner?

Okay.

Two, three.

You're the only one

who went to a co-ed school!

You're right, right.

- Wait, what happened?

I don't know, I mean,

it was all really quick.

We were just making out and then suddenly,

he made this really weird face, like.

Oh!

Or something and it was over.

I-I-I don't know.

- I've... I've made that face.

Was I with you, when...?

Dude, no.

- No?

Why you keep looking at me?

I'm not gonna have sex with you.

I'd have to get

a lot more drunk.

Well then here.

Then that's what...?

No, no, no, no, no.

We've already covered that Jack

here is a man whore. - Umph.

And I keep prematurely

ejaculating on everybody.

But you're like, mysterious.

Mysterious.

Yeah, you're single.

Nobody knows

why you broke up with um...

Robbie

- Robbie!

What happened?

Why'd you break up with him?

Yeah, what did he do?

- Nothing.

That's what he says.

It's all... mysterious.

Sh*t! My breath smells

like paint thinner.

Does anyone have like,

ten sticks of gum?

No.

I should actually go.

You have to go to the party, I mean,

just watching Jack there will be worth it.

Oh, sh*t yeah, we should go.

We should not go.

Yeah, Lena might be there.

See, that doesn't sound

like fun for me.

Actually, that does like fun.

We can cut through the park.

Get to the party in like,

uh, uh, 45 minutes?

Why-why do you keep on

checking your phone?

Is there like, a surprise party

that we're going to or something?

No!

It'll be great to get like, air.

Dude, we're outside.

Right now.

Well, what am I gonna tell

my parents?

You could tell them

you're at your cousin's!

I've like, never lied to them.

- Whoa, whoa.

Parents want to be lied to,

okay?

It's like an

evolutionary survival thing.

Seriously, I haven't told my parents

one honest thing since I was 12

and we have, like, the best

relationship ever.

You know, I wouldn't mind

watching you get humiliated.

It-is that gonna happen?

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna need to get

a lot more drunk.

Esther, come on!

Shots, shots, shots.

Partying

Partying

Partying

Partying

Partying

Partying

Partying

It's a good mile

Partying

I'll never make her

Not knew it was my time

Oh, oh

Wait, who are you texting?

We're supposed to meet up with some

guys but they're not gonna make it.

No, it's cool.

I'm kinda glad it's just us.

Yeah, me too.

Hey!

You f***ing rich kids.

We're gonna smack your asses.

Give us your money!

Yeah, f***ing hurry up.

Everybody be calm, just be cool.

- Hurry up, yo, we're gonna...

...ram your ass.

Just be cool.

Dude, they're speaking

f***ing Mexican!

This is real!

Seriously, this is not.

- Okay, everybody just be cool!

Here, you know what?

You know what?

Here, you can just... have that.

Lou, do you know this guys?

- No!

Just be cool!

- Hey rich kids!

Give us your quarter or your...

We'll anally wreck you!

F***ing run, man! This are

real... they're real muggers.

Call

9-1-1! Call 9-1-1!

Bro, are this guys packing heat?

My man, I'm gonna f*** you up!

Relax, relax.

Okay... whoa!

All right, all right, all right,

all right, all right!

They're not real muggers,

this are my friends.

F***!

You're f***ing friends

with Latin Kings?

Yo, I'm gonna bust your ass!

This is Carlos,

I told you about him.

He wants to work

in your dad's building.

Damn, Lou!

Great way to ask!

Sorry!

The f***, man!

This is Dougie and Max

with a f***ing stupid helmet.

What up?

I thought they were gonna...

you know, flake.

So I asked Carlos and Victor.

Carlos?

Carlos!

He's the one who's sister you...

What the f*** did you say?

Step off, man!

Step off!

Step off? Who the f***

says "step off," man?

It's not... He didn't have

sex with her, you know?

She told me he finished in like,

three seconds.

Yo, you think you're better

than us, but you're not.

We could've got arrested.

What's going on, here?

Uh...

He's embarrassed to tell you that

he likes you, so we had to mug you.

F***ing genius!

I'm sorry.

I...

I thought he was gonna

write you a poem.

Everybody knew except for me?

Yeah, I'm gonna need to change my

look if we're gonna go to that party.

"Whatever"]

So... does everybody know

about your plan?

No.

Yo, Lou!

Lou!

Yeah, haha.

Maybe?

Some of the guys, but um...

I feel like everybody's

looking at me.

It could be just

because you're beautiful.

Lou...

Okay.

How is my situation, right now?

You haven't hung out

with many girls, have you?

My mom likes me.

Uh-uh... I mean,

she kind of has to.

Yeah, my sister.

She really likes me.

Okay, well, anyone

who is not related to you?

I'm a quick learner.

Give me pointers.

How about...

If you like someone, you should

talk to them and not lie to them.

Yeah... I have all kinds

of crazy conversations with you.

Just mostly in my head.

Oh, f***!

Are those Lena's friends?

- Yeah.

Hey!

Shaina.

How was your summer?

So, like, you already have

another girlfriend?

Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.

I... actually think

he's kind of a jerk.

He is!

She had to like, O.D. on

Xanax just to stop heaving.

Now, she's gonna look like

a freak at orientation.

Did you... tell Lena?

Tell what?

I just thought maybe you

were the one that told her.

You know, after we...

I was getting over

being wait-listed at Swarthmore!

I can't believe

you'd bring that up!

You're such an a**hole!

Oh my God!

Jack...

Do you ever... feel...

like... everything you do

is just...

Yeah.

Actually...

Like...

A lot...

Uh...

I mean, you go first.

Well...

tonight...

wasn't the first time

I lied to my parents.

I actual...

What?

How many times...

did you...

cheat on your girlfriend?

I don't know.

I don't exactly remember.

We should probably

go back downstairs.

What an a**hole!

I mean, the plan is over.

I swear.

Just... hang out

with me a little?

Just a little longer?

No more surprises.

Absolutely!

Done.

Ho-ho-ho sh*t, Lou!

Dougie just challenged you and

Jack to a free style throw-down.

No, he didn't.

Yeah, he did.

- I did.

Let's go, man.

What's a free style throw-down?

Uh, he's just playing with me.

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