Jack, Jules, Esther & Me Page #5

---

Were you guys gonna rap

about me?

I see now that,

that was a bad idea.

Uh, would you like to go

somewhere else?

Would you please

get me out of here?

I would give you my kidney, man.

Wow!

No one's ever written

a rap for me before.

Bro, please.

- Oh, come on.

I-I-I... fine!

JL Power Productions!

Rap battle!

Rap battle!

Woo! Everybody come around! Come around!

Woo!

Woo-woo!

All right.

- Come on, come on, come on.

Yeah! Everybody come

around, come around.

Woo, woo, woo! - Let's

go boys! - All right.

Dougie!

Play the beat down!

Yo!

Yo!

- Jack!

Here's to you, Louis

and I apologize for being

unreliable in Stevie Wonder's eyes

It's true I made a mess,

and now I'm in it

It's true I got more STDs

than an AIDs clinic Oh!

Also, I'm your boy

So don't forget that,

the cat in the hat

The hat that had the fun

that we had

And here we are

phase three completed

I kind of f***ed it up

but still not defeated

We made it through the park, like

Madonna, through the wilderness

For real, dude, I hope we

never tell our children this

I've have to tell why

we do the things we do

and I don't know what to say,

except "You stick with your crew"

And then my kids will say "Dad,

what's wrong with Uncle Lou?"

And I will say "I don't know,

I never knew. "

All I know is "What the f***

went wrong with this night. "

And then I think nothing,

baby, everything is right.

What up, Lou?

There we go.

Got this!

Jules this is for you

I'm kind obsessed

I don't know what to do

I always lose my breath when

I see you around my school

You changed my life

it may sound crazy but true

And I only joined

Model Congress because of you

I can't explain through words

it goes beyond this

I know you're right for me

so screw our wrongness

Every time I'm with you,

I wish we never part, so...

F*** this f***ing cards

I'm coming from the heart

Sometimes I wish

you could just see me

more than a friend

and not just a V.P.C.

I got my heart in my sleeves

and it ain't hard to tell

You could be Barack

and I could be Michelle

This whole night was a set-up

and I'm sorry that I lied

I wanted to impress you,

I'm not sorry that I tried

Jack f***ed it up tonight

What a surprise

but I'll bet he'll just say

that it's a blessing

in disguise?

The kid's a lost cause, yo,

it's funny when he tries

He can't take sh*t,

he's like a promo who's high

Now, what to make of Jack

you know I can never hate him

The kid my best friend

so I already forgave him

So unaware I be worried

if he lived alone

the only woman "Clueless"

is Alicia Silverston

I know you're kind of slow

and I don't mean no disrespect

but this night is for her

so, I digress

"Noirish"]

The artist's artist

won't give you the time

just yells their head off

She's sick with the standard

She's waiting in line

It's a shaky science

the reading of minds

That changes does it?

It's pretty freaky

And you didn't know she left

your paper in the laser shop

My head is spinning

She might be dreaming

And if you couldn't tell she

had a vision in a prism stop

Watch out,

the slide down might be dirty

What?

Ha, too bad!

The artist's artist

Seriously?

Too young for the years...

What is the deal with this room?

I was supposed to reserve the

place with my mom's credit card,

but I forgot...

And then I lost

the credit card, so.

So we improvised!

This is the best I could do

with my card.

It-It's still sweet.

There's like, a walk-in closet.

Come on.

It doesn't tell at all.

Oh, sh*t!

It's on Lou.

That's like...

Thats like, destiny, man,

pointing right at you. - Um...

Do private school kids

play spin the bottle?

When we were like twelve, maybe.

I just want to say, I was not

included in any of those games.

Maybe make up for it.

Okay.

But if it lands on Jack,

you guys have to make out.

Okay, but wait.

Here's the D.E... L.

Here's the deal.

Here's the deal, people.

It's old schooled rules.

So closet time

for whomever it lands on.

Spin.

Come on.

Sh*t, dude.

Well, I guess you should show me

this walk-in closet.

Uh.

A little nervous, um.

The room smells pretty weird.

Yeah.

Do you want to play a game?

What kind?

Role playing.

No.

Wait, wait but no.

No, hear me out.

Because...

I'm gonna be like,

the Baron of Spain.

And I'm gonna have like, a

shipping company, okay?

And you will be, and wait

because this is the best part.

You're gonna be, like...

Uh.

Do you even know

what you're about to say?

No, I have no idea.

About to say.

Was that okay?

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry, no.

I um...

It's just kind of weird

with them next to me, you know.

I'm sure they're having fun.

I mean, you know Jack.

Yeah, I know Jack.

How do you know Jack?

Like...?

That's my baby daddy, Jack?

Please tell me there's one girl in

your school that hasn't gotten with him.

Um...

Jack just took his pants off

and I'm feeling like a group

activity would be better, now.

I-I-I.

She said go for it!

There's, I... it's...

I'm not like,

a raging rape-aholic.

No, you're just an a**hole.

I... wouldn't have...

done anything.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm-I'm sorry.

Um...

I'm really tired so I'm just,

I'm just gonna go.

Maybe...

- I'm sorry, Lou.

No, maybe we can, can

hang out tomorrow.

Yeah, maybe.

Um...

Just call me.

Um...

I should probably head out, too.

This has been really crazy but...

- Oh, wait, wait.

No, no, but-but... we can

hang out tomorrow, right?

Good luck at school.

Bye!

What the hell happened in here?

I was only in there

for two minutes!

She...

Just playing head games, bro.

I...

I don't even know

what's going on.

I'm confused.

I'm a little turned on.

I...

Dude, put your pants on.

Dude, they're off already, uh.

F***.

Hey, um, listen.

I can't go home.

I told my parents

I'm staying at my cousins, um.

Can I stay with you?

Are you all right?

That's my dad.

He's supposed to be closing

a deal in Jakarta or something.

That's not your mom?

Let's just go.

My parents...

they're not perfect.

I mean...

I don't know, they can be...

really protective and...

They don't know English

that well, so...

I get worried.

'Cause...

I'll have to leave them

at some point, you know.

Is that why you're staying home

for school?

That and...

I'll have to kidnap several

small children to pay for it.

Like, really cute kids who's

parents have buckets of money.

I mean...

I have like, a lot of

really cute cousins and..

You could totally f them up, so.

Oh, God.

Shut up! It could work.

- Um.

Oh!

Um, f***!

- Sorry!

Um, is this really

gonna go online?

Yeah! I mean but it's not like you, you.

It's like, Super Sexy Esther.

Okay!

I think I want a different name.

Well, like what?

Catherine?

Katherine with a K?

Like middle-aged Katherine?

No, with a C.

Oh, no! I like it, I

like it! Put it down.

Yeah?

Oh!

What was that

with you and Jules?

Dude, the plan isn't evolving.

You know, there's...

so many... angles on it now.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes