Jack Page #5

That's a club that|I hang out at sometimes.

You know, if I'm not at work,|that's usually where I am.

But it's a nice place|for people our age to hang out...

have a little drink,|take the edge off, you know.

Oh, I gotta go.|Ooh, I'm gonna get fired.

- Love you, "face."|- Okay, love you too.|- Nice meeting you, Mr Powell.

Ooh, you got a strong grip.|You're a manly man.

All right, you got your key to|the house? Okay, I'll meet you at home.

- I love you.|- All right. Love you too.

Bye.

Wow! Whoa, that was great.

- How'd I do?|- You did great.|- Yeah?

- Yeah.|- Boy.

- Whew!|- Hey, man. I owe you one.

Sorry about my mom, Jack. She's lookin'|for love in all the wrong places.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe I'll see you|over the weekend.

Cool.

- Pal.|- Thanks.

Mom! I'm home!

I'm here. I'm here!|Where are you?

Yeah. Okay.

- Phone call for you, Brian.|- Yeah, just--|- Okay?|- Okay. Yeah?

- Can I talk to him? Can I talk to him?|- Jackie wants to talk to you.

Dad! Hey, Dad. Dad.|I got your hair, Mom. Sorry.

Hey, Dad. Yeah. Hey, Dad.|I got to play basketball today.

They picked me. Yeah, and not|just 'cause I'm humongous.

Because I'm real good. Yeah,|I scored a thousand points.

No. You're right.|It was only a hundred.

I'm kidding. It was 14.|Yeah, but each time I got the--

I scored! Just like this.|Wait! Listen, Dad.

Yeah, and I met this|really cool kid named Louie.

Not Louis. Louie. Yeah.|His mom gave me some matches.

Yeah. Those are the matches.|Can I play with them?

Okay, slow down, buddy.|Slow down.

Hey, Dad.

Louie has dirty magazines|under his bed.

What are dirty magazines?

I got to be principal.|Yeah, I pretended to be.

And I got a lot of homework to do.|I got a great homework assignment.

And you know what? Miss Marquez|ate one of my red Gummi Bears.

She said, "Way to go." Yeah,|but not because of the red Gummi Bears.

Because of the way|I played basketball.

Yeah, it was great.|She said Shaq better watch his back.

She's what Grandpa says|is a real piece of work.

Really great.|What are you doing?

No, I'm just-- Just, uh,|shootin' an ad layout.

Carrots, for the Carrot Board.|Just giant carrots, yeah.

Wow, that's pretty boring.

Listen, Dad.|I gotta go.

No, I really gotta go.|Number one.

Okay. See you.|Yeah, listen, Dad?

Don't hug me any more|in front of the guys, okay?

Yeah, you know.|It's like-- You know.

It's weird. Yeah, okay.

See ya. Yeah, I'll take|the matches in the bathroom|so if I do number two, I'm ready.

Okay, put your mom on. Yeah.

Brian. Yeah, I can|hear you all right.

No, it's this cord. Oh, wait!

You okay?

- Honey!|- Is he okay?

Yes, he's all right.|He's so excited.

Hey, Jack's mother!

- Hey, Jack!|- Psych!

Jack's mother?

Can Jack come out and play?

I'm Mrs Powell.

- And you are?|- Louis Durante. Pleased to meet you.

I know Jack from school.|I was wondering...

if Jack wanted to come to a sleepover|some of us guys are having.

I mean, if he's allowed to|and stuff.

Well, I can check. We kind of|had some other plans, you know.

- Hey, Jack!|- Bye, Mom.

See ya!

- Honey, be extra careful!|- Uh-huh.

- And don't stay up too late.|- I won't, Mom.

So how fast do you grow?

- Four times as fast as you.|- Like cat years?|- Yeah, sort of.

Like, when I'm 20,|I'll look really old.

Hey, man. You hear the first 20|are the best ones anyway.

My mom says|it's all downhill after that.

- Yeah?|- Yeah!|- Like this?

- Waah!|- Like this: Rrr!

Wow. Did you guys|build this yourself?

- Yeah. Cool, huh?|- You must've started this in preschool.

I'm gonna introduce you|to the guys.

- Is this safe?|- Yeah, it's safe.

Really?

Hey, don't sweat it.|Just go along with whatever I say.

Do you think the other kids|are going to like me?

Hey, you're tight with me, you're tight|with them. They're gonna love you.

- Yeah, it is. It's a purple one.|- It's kind of attached.

- Bigger, man.|- Hey, Lou.|- Hey, Louie.

- Hiya.|- Hey, I brought Jack.|He's right down there.

You brought the freak?

- He's not a freak.|- You said he was a freak.

- Yeah.|- I said wrong, right?

Get over it. He's cool.

He knows how to shoot hoops.

And he did me a favour today.|Here, check this out.

Look what he picked up|on the way over. Huh?

- He bought that?|- Eh-eh.

- No way.|- Way! Walked right|into the store, picked it up.

No fear or nothin'.

- My man is the man.|- That is way cool.

- I wish I was a freak.|- Hey, lay off the freak stuff,|all right?

Jack's cool. We gotta|let him kick it with us.

If he walks...

the "Penthouse" walks too.

Bye, boys.

Okay, he can hang.

But if he weirds out|or anything, he's history. Okay?

Wait a second. Look. See,|the maximum weight up here.

- I don't think it's such a good idea,|150 pounds up here. It'll never hold!|- Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

- Eddie, two words: Pent House.|- He's comin' up, so--

Guys, this is Jack.

- Oh, man! I got a bad hip problem!|- Sorry!

- Watch the TV.|- The TV.|- Settle down.

- Come on!|- Come on, come on!|- Watch out, okay?

- Sorry.|- Take it easy.

Take a chill pill, okay?

- Watch the lamp!|- The lamp!|- The lamp!

- Come on, man. Watch out!|- Sit down.

- Sit down already.|- Sit down.|- Just sit.

- This wasn't such a good idea.|- Come on, easy.

The-The-- This tree house is four|years old. I want it to live to ten.

- Please.|- Hey, Jack, uh, so--|so you bought that magazine?

Yeah. I buy 'em all the time.

What about "Hustler"?|You get "Hustler"?

- If you want it.|- "Swank"?

Yeah, that and, uh...

you know, all-all|the grown-up stuff...

that only grown-ups can read.

- Cool.|- A-And they don't give you|no trouble in buying one?

- I mean, like, they don't ask for ID?|- No. You know...

I just don't shave for a day|and then I look like I'm 50.

Hey, uh, Jack. Mind if I look|at the "Penthouse"?

Knock yourself out.

So do you really shave, Jack?

Oh, yeah, yeah.|I started when I was four.

- Oh, wow.|- Feel.|- Cool.

'Cause I'm looking forward to shaving.|You know-- What do you think?

- See anything right there?|Any whiskers around there?|- Let's see.

Yeah, there's maybe|one there.

- Yeah, I think that's one.|- Oh, if I were you...

I'd grow like a Fu Manchu thing|or maybe a goat.

- A goat?|- Like a goatee.

- Oh, that'd be ba-a-ad!|- Ba-a-ad, dude.

- Ba-a-atman!|- Ooh, Eddie, check this out.

- Excuse me.|- Think our moms look like that?

No. Only "Penthouse" girls|look like that.

They're special. I mean, like,|they come from a special part|of the country or somethin'.

- So how do you like it?|- Oh, it's great. What do|you guys do here all night?

Anything we want.

Hey, Jack.|You ever get a boner?

You know, an erector.

Not yet. I'm hoping|to get one for Christmas.

- I want to hear a manly rip.|Show us what you're made of!|- Oh, wait!

Wait, wait. Oh, just-- just warmin' up.|Just clearin' my throat.

I feel it down below.

Oh, man!

- It's disgusting!|- Gee!

I almost blew|a seam on my pants!

- Oh, here comes another one!|- Oh, here you go.

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