Jack Page #6

- Can this one!|- A real rectal rocket. Oh, yes!

Out, demon spirit!

Bingo!

- Oh, get it out of here.|- Oh, it's gross.|- The earth is rumbling!

Seven-point-five|on the Prickter scale!

- Give it to George.|- Jack Powell, the manly farter.

Smell it! Smell it!|That one's got good hang time.

Go, George! Oh!

Oh, it's deadly!|Ooh, reek it! Oh!

Whoo! Fire down below!

- He's comin'. He's revived.|- Hey, fire in the hole, guys.|Check it out.

- Oh, here it goes! Here it goes.|- Fire in the hole!

- Flashlights off, everybody!|- Yeah, flashlights off.

- Open it, open it!|- Ready?

Karen? Karen.

Jack?

No. It's me.

We've got to be there|in a half hour.

- Don't make fun.|- I never would.

We usually come in here and|have our little talks before bedtime.

You feel traded in for a bunch|of spitting, swearing ten-year-olds?

- Yeah.|- Still got me, you know.

It's just the way it is|for everybody.

You give birth to 'em,|you clothe 'em, you feed 'em.

Then one day,|you come home, they're teenagers.|They hate you for no reason...

and wouldn't talk to you|if your hair was on fire.

I know.

It's just, it's the first night|he's slept away from home.

Meaning...

we've never been alone|in the house before.

- Uh-oh.|- I think it's nice being|the only size 11 shoe...

under our bed.

I just hope he's okay.

Wow! I think I got another one|in me! Get ready!

We need more ketchup anyway.

- Maggot soup.|- Thyme.|- Get some fart juice.

- How's this?|- Jack, you better eat this.

- Eat it all.|- Wait. Ooh!

- You better eat this.|- Mix it up.|- What are you doing?

- Sardines.|- You'll love it.

Oh! No, I can't do it.

- Oh, no, no, no. Don't put that in.|- Go, go, go, go!

- Go, go, go, go!|- Worms?|- Go, go!

- Go, go, go, go!|- Don't add the worms.|- Go, go, go, go!

- Go, go, go, go!|- Come on.

- I'm gonna puke. No, no. No, no.|- Go, go, go, go!

- Go, go, go, go.|- Oh, please, no.

- No, no.|- Eat it!

- Don't put my hand in it.|- Yeah!

- Oh!|- Uh!

Watch out. He's gonna spew!

I'm warning you.

Wow. Not bad.

Hey, Jack. Hey, Louis.

Let us up, please!|I want to see what it's like up there.

Can you guys hold on for|one second? We just wanna clean|the place up a little bit, okay?

- See? He's gonna let us up.|- He's not gonna let us up.

- Did you hear the way he said it?|- Boys do not clean up!

- "Let us clean it up|a little bit." He's lying.|- Yeah, right.

- He is.|- I'll bet you. Watch.|- No girls allowed!

- Oh, dang!|- Direct hit!

Left. Left, right, left.

- Hey, Ed, are you Dr Kevorkian?|- Yeah.

- Peppermints.|- Peppermints.

- Pom-Poms.|- Pom-Poms.

- Power Bar.|- Power Bar.|- Pez.

- Pez.|- And peanuts.

- Some peanuts.|- A "Penthouse."

Okay, and a "Penthouse."

Jack, do you read me?|Do you read me? Come in.

Ten-four. We have liftoff.|I have the "Penthouse."

Do you have a picture|of the Pope?

It's a "P."|Excuse me.

Hey, guys, I brought a friend.

Okay?

This is Mr Woodruff.

Are you ten too?

Uh, well, if you ask my wife.

No, I'm afraid I'm just|a regular, garden variety, old fart.

I mean, this tree house|wasn't made for--

What?

It won't hold, you know--|Uh-- The, uh-- The, uh--

Well, now. This place|is a lot hipper than I thought.

No, it isn't.

- So--|- So I hear you're a good tutor.

Well, I don't like to blow|my own horn, but, uh--

You know, twin cheeks.|Let one fly.

- Rectal rocket.|- Do what?

Do you wanna fart|in the can?

I'm afraid, boys, you wouldn't|want that to happen.

Some of my parts are rotten.

Come on! I thought you said|you were a good "tooter."

I've been known to chase|whole families away.

You mean,|you're better than Jack?

- I taught Jack.|- Oh!

Fellas, fellas.|No, this is enough.

- Are you kidding?|- No.|- A little tabasco comin' in.

Fellas.

I'm tellin' you,|it tastes like chicken.

- Did you eat this, Jack?|- Yeah.

- Everybody has to.|- It's good.

- Did you eat it, really?|- Mm-hmm.|- Go, go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go,|go, go, go, go, go, go...

go, go, go, go, go, go,|go, go, go, go, go, go!

- I love you, man.|- Go, go, go, go!

No!

Psych!

- You're in.|- I am?|- You're in.

- Oh, thank you so much.|- You're in the club.

He's gonna get caught|Just you--

- Wait. Are you-- Are you sure|this is a cool song?|- This is a cool song.

- He's gonna get caught|Just you wait and see|- This doesn't sound like a cool song.

Why is everybody always picking on--|You know the parts!

- Ba-room|- Beep, beep, ba, ba

- Ba-room|- Boom, boom, boom

- I smell smoke in the auditorium|- Ba-room, ba-room

- Charlie Brown|- Charlie Brown

- Charlie Brown|- Charlie Brown|- Yeah, he's a clown

- Charlie Brown|- That Charlie Brown

He's gonna get caught

Just you wait and see

Why is everybody|always picking on me

Who's always writing|on the walls

Who's always goofin'|in the hall

- Dang, dang, do|- Who's always throwin' spitballs

- Guess who|- Who, me

- Yeah, you|- Watch out!

No, no, no!

Wait a second, people!|We're at the absolute limit here!

There's nothing wrong, Eddie.|You're paranoid.

Charlie Brown

- What's going on?|- Oh, boy!|- Everybody stay calm.

- What's goin' on?|- Oh, no!|- What's goin' on?

- Oh!|- Everybody stay calm!

Oh, guys.

- Stay calm.|- I told you so, and I told you so!

We could have been killed!

Why is everybody|always falling on me

And speaking of the mayor,|it's certainly going to be|a busy day for him today.

Uh, he'll be attending the opening|ceremonies of the new public library.

By the way, we invite you to stop by|and enjoy the festivities there.

Be sure to bring along the kids|if you can.

Later on, the mayor will be|meeting with the city council.

Afterwards, there'll be|a press conference--

Then at|approximately 12:00 noon...

St Anthony's Church will be holding|their annual auction fund-raiser--

Jack, honey. It's 8:15.

Pushing it.

"When I grow up...

I want to get married|when I'm 28.

Because if you get married|before that...

statistics say that|you'll be divorced.

However, I feel if I wait|till my late 20's...

I can fool statistics|and live happily every after...

with my husband,|who will also be over 28."

What do I want to be|when I grow up?

- Alive.|- We get the picture, George.|Thank you very much.

Hey, Jack.

- Hey, what's wrong, buddy?|- Nothin'.

Come on. Let's go.

Gotta stay|and ask Miss Marquez something.

- You want me to stick around?|- Yeah, but I'll see you downstairs.

Good luck.

You stud, you.

- Bye, Miss Marquez.|- Bye-bye. I'll see you tomorrow.

Bye.

Jack, you're still here.

Jack, do you feel okay?

- Is everything all right?|- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

I know you like 'em.

I saved all the red Gummi Bears.|It took a long time to get a whole bag.

Well, this is very sweet|of you, Jack. Thank you.

So I'm a nice guy, huh?

You're a very|nice young man, yes.

Miss Marquez?|I was thinking that maybe if--

if you didn't have|anything to do...

that you might want|to go to the dance with me.

It'd be really, really fun.

Oh, Jackie.

So you wanna go?|My mom will drive us.

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