Jack and Jill Page #2

---

So what? She's sleeping. Jack...

All right, I'll go check on Jill.

Thank you.

It's okay, Otto.

It's just her...

Jill.

Wake up.

Okay, stay sleeping

Jet lag.

I have a gun! Oh, my God!

You see, I live alone.

Poopsie's trained

to watch out for me.

Don't sneak up

like that, all right'?

Where were you?

I don't...

Come downstairs.

Uh, the food's ready.

Can you just lay down

with me for five minutes?

I'm not laying down

with you. No.

Come on. I just want

some twin time.

I'm a grown man.

I'm not laying next to you.

Just have Poopsie lay with you.

I... I don't know.

Aw. All right.

I'll take a bath, and I'll meet

you downstairs in an hour.

Good looking out, Poopsie.

Don't forget your sweat shadow.

What?

All right, just take your

bath and all that stuff,

and then burn those sheets.

Hey, GUYS

Jill! You look amazing.

Aw. Macy's, Marshalls.

Hey, where am I sitting?

What do you mean?

'Cause, usually,

I sit next to you.

So all of a sudden, I'm...

I'm not going to sit here?

Oh, uh, would you...

I thought you could

sit down here.

I always sit next to Jack.

ls there a

reason I'm moving? No.

Jill, if you'd like, you could sit here.

I'd be happy to move.

Oh, that's okay. You're fine.

If you want to... If you...

Do you want to sit here?

I don't know.

Okay, you just sit in my chair.

How's that?

There you go.

All right, thank you.

Gary, is that you?

Yes, it is.

Look how handsome you are.

Thank you.

It's so nice to see you.

Look at this leaf.

Look at this.

You have it taped on you?

That's so cute. Yes.

Why did he do that?

He likes tape.

Hey. Sofie, is that you,

or is that you?

Good to see you, Erin.

Good to see you, Jill.

How was your flight?

Oh, the house looks amazing.

You got a new chandelier?

Yeah, yeah.

I loved the old one.

SO,

how's every bodys

Gobble-Gobble Day'?

Great. Excellent.

By the way, Jill,

this is Otto. Otto.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

He's homeless, right?

He seems clean,

but you should put

one of those toilet seat

protectors underneath him

to make sure he doesn't

ruin the chair.

Are you whispering with

a bullhorn or something'?

Everybody hears you.

No, they can't,

Mr. Hearing Expert.

So...

Pass that down, Daddy.

I'm allowed out here

once a year,

so I tend to miss things.

What's going on? Anything new'?

Well, Sofie just got her

green belt in karate.

How come I didn't

know about this?

I didn't even know she did karate.

What... I mean,

I feel like I'm in the

Twilight Zone right now.

I'm like Jimmy Stewart

at the end of that movie,

the one where... They...

They're in Pottersville.

What... What is that...

That movie called?

It's a Wonderful Life?

No, no, with Jimmy Stewart.

The... The one where he meets

the angel and he's mad.

It's a Wonderful Life.

Why do you keep saying that?

No, the one where

he falls in the pool

and he sings Buffalo Gals.

He gets all the money

at the end,

and he finds out that his

life really is wonderful.

Star Wars.

They play it every Christmas.

You must have saw it before

Jack made you convert.

What? What are you

doing right now?

Your brother didn't

make me do anything, Jill.

Everyone has to be

like Jack over here.

Even poor Gary.

What?

What does that mean?

You made him switch

from being Indian.

What is wrong with you?

We adopted him when

he was 10 days old.

This is all he knows.

Did you ever think maybe

he tapes things to himself

'cause he doesn't

feel connected?

You know, to his real parents'?

That was very smart.

I just thought of that.

Isn't it? That was interesting.

Aunt Jill? Yes, sweetheart.

Yes, Sofie.

Do you and Daddy

have twin powers?

What's this?

What is twin powers?

It's this thing we saw

on 60 Minutes.

Some twins have strange powers,

and they can feel

when the other one's hurt.

Oh, Jack and I can do that.

What? Why are you

making a face?

When we were kids, you felt

it when I broke my ankle.

I felt it 'cause

you fell on my head.

You like that one? Yeah.

All right, good, good.

Oh, please!

Tell me you don't feel this.

I didn't feel it.

Maybe if you did it harder.

Little harder.

No, Jill. Stop it.

He's kidding. What?

Donkey fight!

Jill, are you okay?

Yeah, no, I'm fine.

Gary, that was...

He didn't 100% connect.

Feel that, Daddy?

I... I actually did

feel something there.

Pride in my son.

Oh, will you stop it already?

These sweet potatoes need salt.

I'm so sick of that.

Why are you so afraid to

admit that we are connected?

Face it.

We shared Mom's womb.

We were womb-mates.

Oh, that is just disgusting.

I have an idea.

On the show,

there were these twins,

and they finished

each other's sentences.

Jack, maybe you could

start a sentence,

and Jill, you could finish it.

No. No.

Come on, Daddy, please!

Please, Daddy, please!

Please. Oh, my God.

Ready to receive mental images.

Beep, beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep, beep...

All right, will you stop?

You're scaring him.

That's just noises

she's making.

Okay, ready? Yes.

I'm very tired, so I'm going to

Go to the supermarket.

No, I'm going to sleep.

What is... Why would I go to

a supermarket if I was tired'?

That's what I would do.

The cold air

always wakes you up.

Isn't it nice when it's...

You go over there in

the frozen food section?

God bless...

You! God bless you!

I finished your sentence.

Got you, Pagogo.

What's Pagogo?

Oh, it's... It's a name

that Aunt Jill used to call your

dad when they were growing up.

I was Pokee, and your

father was Pagogo.

We had our own secret language.

Ook maga do do, Pagogo.

I have no idea

what those words mean,

nor have I ever known

what those words meant.

You do know what they mean,

and you're lying right now.

"Ook maga do do"

means "I love you."

"Bongi" means "thank you."

"Klapa" means "left."

Hey, do you remember what

"Locky mocky koko" means'?

Mmm. What does it mean again?

Jack, don't.

It means, "I can't

stand you being here!"

This is really awkward.

I'm going to go.

Dessert is coming.

I'm full.

Okay...

I love how nice we are

to this homeless man,

a person we don't even know,

who probably is pretending

to be homeless!

You don't look homeless to me!

You're fat! You're al-Qaeda!

Sofia, why don't you

go upstairs?

No, Mom, this is my favorite

part of Thanksgiving.

You know what? I'm leaving.

I'm leaving. That's it.

That's it. I'm going.

I am going!

I hope you're happy!

I'm sleeping out here

in the woods!

At least the animals

will be nice.

Jill! He's even turning

the kids against me!

Are you okay?

Jill, are you all right?

No. See, the kids love you.

And I love them.

And that's the only reason

that I come

back here every year.

Jack, apologize.

I'm sorry that you make everybody

uncomfortable. I really am.

Jack.

All right. I'm sorry about

what I said back there.

I didn't mean it.

I... I love you.

I just feel abandoned.

I'm all alone in the Bronx.

I don't have any family

Rate this script:5.0 / 4 votes