Jack and Jill Page #3

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with me any more.

We didn't abandon you.

I told you, you can Skype

us any time you want.

I don't even know

what that means.

What is Skype?

It sounds anti-Semitic.

What is it?

It's just this Internet thing.

I don't get that!

You know I don't

have a calculator.

- Okay.

- Do you know what?

Our home is your home.

So let's go back.

I have some ice cream.

I don't know, Erin.

I'm too upset.

I can't eat right now.

What flavor? Chocolate.

No. You have maple walnut?

I don't like chocolate.

I... I didn't know

you liked maple walnut

Hang in there, brother.

She's only here till Sunday.

What is done

cannot now be amended!

Yeah, Ted, I'm looking

at it right now.

So, this was two nights ago?

If I

did take the kingdom

from your sons, to make amends,

I give it to your daughter.

Will you get that?

Whoa.

You have a phone in your hand!

You are told before the play

starts not to have it ring!

Shut all cell phones off!

This is what the man said!

Yeah, this guy's going to do

a Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

This has got to stop.

I'm losing my mind.

Help me.

Where am I?

Thank you.

Thank you all for coming.

Yeah.

How do you know Pacino's

going to a Laker game'?

Well, yeah, get the tickets,

but how am I even going

to get near the guy'?

He's going to have

security or something.

I'm not telling my wife

to wear something trashy

just 'cause it would

save our company.

Unless she wants to.

I mean, that's her thing

No...

I'm hanging up the phone.

Goodbye.

Excuse me, Mrs. Erin,

the magnolia branch

in the backyard

could fall off any time.

I mean, I don't want

anyone to get hurt.

Should I take it down now'?

Oh, oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Whatever...

Whatever you think, Felipe.

Okay...

Oh, did you have

a nice Thanksgiving?

Yeah, I had the whole

family come over.

Even my Aunt Rosa snuck

across the border.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

Who are you?

Are you a gardener or something?

No, I... I don't

just do gardening.

I do impressions, too.

When Immigration shows up, I do

a great impression of a tree.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

Oh, strong. All right.

Jay Leno better watch his back.

You know it.

Nice to meet you, seorita.

Okay, nice to meet you.

What is he doing?

What is his problem?

Oh, oh! Jack, Jack, Jack!

I put a little list together

of things I want to

do before I leave, so...

Oh, my God.

I got to touch that?

Yeah.

"Studio tour, beach,"

"horseback riding,

get on a game show."

You can't get through

all this stuff.

You're leaving Sunday.

I don't know.

What do you mean, you don't know?

You know.

I just wanted to

have fun out here,

and, you know,

we fought last night.

I just... I feel really

weird leaving like that.

What do you mean?

It was a great night.

We... We ate food, we ran in the woods.

It was fun.

I just... Maybe I should

stay out through Hanukkah.

Mom's gone now,

so there's really nothing

for me to go back to.

Stay, then! Stay!

She can't stay.

Because of your airline ticket.

It's, like,

the busiest time of year.

We'll never get you

a return flight.

That's why I used my twin hunch

in knowing that we would fight,

and I have

an open-ended ticket.

Hanukkah!

Hanukkah! Hanukkah! Hanukkah!

He's going to be mad.

I don't know where

we parked the car.

I don't know.

I just want to go on with

them because they look scared.

I know if I was riding

with them, they would...

I know you say

I weigh too much,

but I don't think I do.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!

Oh, my God!

Oh, God! Look, I'm so sorry.

I weigh too much.

You were right!

Gary...

At least put a helmet

on that thing.

With your fancy friends

I'm telling you

it's got to be the end

Don't bring me down

No, no, no, no, no

Ooh-ooh, hoo...

What are you doing?

Why can't I just lay with you?

You're a weirdo!

All right, welcome back

to The Price Is Right.

Let's find out who's next.

Jill Sadelstein, come on down!

You're the next contestant

on The Price is Right.

All right, Jill, go ahead and spin

the wheel, whenever you're ready.

You are the best, Drew.

This is awesome, guys!

Go ahead and...

Are you married or not?

Uh, no.

Go ahead and...

Whoo-whoo!

Jill, go ahead

and spin the wheel.

No, because I know

once I spin it,

I don't get to be

near you any more.

On.

All right. All right.

Hey, Gary, Sofie.

Come on, guys, one dollar!

One dollar. Good luck to you.

One dollar's the winner!

Whoo!

I never saw that before.

Uh, hey, just give her

a bunch of prizes.

We'll be right back right

after this. Don't go away.

Call an ambulance.

It banged me good.

Then, when I hit the floor,

that's when I really went out.

But when I came to,

it was good.

They had prizes for me.

Say hello to my little friend!

Do you want

to play rough? Okay.

What is she doing now?

I don't know...

Whoa! It's hard to hold on.

Please don't destroy my pool.

I've got it now. I...

Ow, my head!

But it's such a waste.

A full moon, an empty yacht.

I'll throw up.

I'll be.

About the roadhouse...

They have a Cuban band

that's the berries.

Let's go there,

blindfold the orchestra,

and tango till dawn.

Do you know

something, Mr. Fielding?

What?

You're dynamite.

Daddy.

You and Jill are so alike.

We are nothing alike,

I promise you.

Well?

I'm not quite sure.

Would you try it again?

Just watch the movie.

I got a funny

sensation in my toes.

Like someone was barbecuing

them over a slow flame.

I think you're on

the right track.

WOMAN ON SCREEN I must be.

Your glasses are

beginning to steam up.

Hello?

Shh! Mrs. Applebaum.

Hi. Yeah, no...

What are you doing?

It wasn't an emergency.

I just wanted to see

how my plants were doing.

Please stop talking!

Okay, and you turned the heat off?

Turn off the phone.

All the way off, though?

Jill, Jill!

Yeah, I can't hear her.

I'm trying to...

I'm on the phone.

Well, get off the phone,

you psycho!

No, don't cry.

You know what?

Don't run away. You just...

Don't go in the woods. Jill!

I can't believe it.

Hey!

It's the last night

of Hanukkah!

Come on, already!

It's happy time!

Dude, way to yell at a chick.

That's awesome.

That was a chick?

Yeah, that was a chick.

Really.

Hey! The brake.

Hey, hey, I can do it!

It's all right! I got it!

I can do it!

It's all right!

Hey, I can do it.

It's okay.

It goes fast.

I'm getting it on him.

She's crazy.

She's crazy.

She's never leaving.

Well, she was going to leave

until you called her "psycho."

She's forwarding

her mail to us now!

Highlights magazine.

Birdy magazine

addressed to Poopsie!

Okay, okay.

Did you ever think

that maybe she's lonely

and she needs someone to

get her through the holidays'?

She needs a guy.

She needs a guy!

No, no, no, no.

If we don't get her a guy

by New Year's,

she's gonna come

on the cruise ship with us.

We'll be locked on a boat for

seven days! I'll kill myself!

Do not get involved

in her love life.

Aunt Jill, why don't

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