Jack and Jill Page #8

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Hey, can you... You got to be quiet.

I can't hear him!

All right? Please. Please!

Yeah, listen,

you get me this girl,

or you don't get that Dunkaccino

commercial, you understand?

Don't you know me?

Don't you know

I would use all my power,

all the power I have,

to keep a commercial

like that from happening'?

Don't you know that?

Is he seriously breaking

out The Godfather?

I swear to God,

I'm going to cry.

Put her on!

Put her on!

Pacino!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.

Hang on for a second.

I'll put her on.

Hello'?

Jill, my darling,

just to hear your voice.

What are they doing?

Why are they trying to keep us apart?

Nobody's keeping

me apart from anybody.

I'm my own person.

You remember that.

Oh, I know

you're your own person.

Nobody's like you.

Uh...

Would you like

a little privacy?

I could finish up for you.

No, no, it's okay. It's okay.

Nobody wants to see you.

But thanks, anyway.

Jill.

Can you meet me

when you dock in Spain'?

But what about

your Shakespeare show'?

Don't you have that to do?

You kidding? This is L.A.

They got Bruce Jenner

playing Lord Rivers.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Darling, put your brother on.

Okay. Here he is.

Hello. Jack's back.

Popcorn, we did it! We did it!

I'm coming,

I'm coming to get her!

You're coming to get her?

She just said, "I don't think so," I thought.

I can smell horny

across an ocean.

Here's how

it's going to go down.

top deck, portside.

I'll be there.

Audience, could you

tell me where I was?

"But he, poor soul."

But he, poor soul,

by your first order died.

Good afternoon, passengers.

Hope you all are enjoying our

Royal Caribbean activities.

And for those of you

going ashore later,

we will be arriving in

beautiful Majorca by sunset.

Come on, sweetie. Go!

Jump! Jump!

Oh, no, no, she's good.

Pagogo, why don't these guys

know how to jump rope?

Why didn't you teach them?

We were the double dutch

kings in our neighborhood,

and these guys can't

do a single wing-ding.

Daddy, you know

how to jump rope'?

No, I don't know

how to jump rope

Your father likes to pretend

his life started in California.

We were champs.

Everyone loved us in the neighborhood.

Come on, Daddy, please.

No. No, no. Bring it over here!

CiCi, Rodney, kick it!

Get up here. Get up here.

I, uh...

Do it, do it. Yes!

Let's go! Come on!

Here's the twin power.

Bring it!

Oh, my God. Okay.

WOW!

Do "The Mummy."

Come on, turn up the heat.

It's tricky to rock a rhyme

To rock a rhyme

That's right on time

It's tricky, tricky, huh! I

That was all your father.

That was you!

You were great, Pokee.

Now she's Pokee?

She's always been Pokee.

I was thinking,

tonight, portside,

you could go on that deck,

check out the stars,

put on something gorgeous,

'cause there might be

a handsome surprise

waiting for you.

Oh, really? You going to

introduce me to my Mr. Right?

Uh, maybe.

Oh, really?

It's not Al Pacino, is it?

Why, is it Al Pacino?

No, no, it's not.

'Cause that would just

hurt me at this point.

But it's not, so...

Treating me like some sort

of prosti-twin, that's bad.

It's not. It's not. It's not.

It's not, all right?

All right! Then why are

you getting so angry?

Why are you so annoying?

What? Jack!

Why would you say that?

We were just having fun!

We never have fun when you're around!

I'm sorry!

Oh, no, no! You... This is you, man!

This is on you! Go, go!

You're out of your mind!

You're out of your mind!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Let's see. Pit stain.

Pit stain.

I don't know what that is.

Okay, clean.

You tell anybody, I will

fry you up and eat you.

Huh'?

Yeah.

All right, where is he, man?

He said portside, I'm portside.

Where am I supposed to be?

Cheesecake! Huh!

Oh! Holy crap!

Just climb on

the ladder, there!

Don't you think maybe

you should land that thing?

That would be easier for me!

It's safer to hover!

WOW!

Yeah! Whoa!

Xavier, look at her go!

Ho! Lam back!

Ah...

Seorita, I was gone too long?

No, not at all.

It's, uh...

Really good to see you again.

So, what is different about

you tonight? I don't know.

Nothing. No, no, no, no.

There's something...

Did you drop some weight'?

Maybe that's it. Yeah, I'm looking thinner.

Yeah, I think so.

That's probably

what you're seeing.

I think you're more

feminine or something.

A little more... Less muscular.

I don't agree, but, uh... Okay.

Gloobledy globble bibbly blop.

Blobbledobble... gibbledy blip.

Hibbledy globb, shoelace

This is the heavy, hard stuff

or how are we doing here?

What is this?

One for the lady.

Qu lindo!

That's enough for me.

Who's Poopsie?

I keep hearing,

"Poopsie, Poopsie."

Poopsie is my bird.

Ah?

I used to raise pigeons.

Really? Yeah.

No, I'm sorry. That was Brando.

Oh!

Are you ticklish?

No.

Oh! I said I'm not, so...

No, no, it's just that

Stella Adler, the great acting

teacher, once wrote in a book,

the only way you can really get

to know somebody is if you,

uh, watch their behavior

when they're being tickled.

Would you do me the honor

and just lift up

those girlie arms'?

I just haven't shaved under

there in many, many years.

You don't want to see that.

We're in Europe.

It doesn't matter.

I think even here, they might

be, like, "What is that?"

No, no, not here.

Give me a try.

Okay, so, here we go.

Oh, my God.

Ah! Look at us.

All right!

Stop it! What?

What was that?

Just... I don't really...

I didn't like that.

I'm sorry. That was powerful.

And it just came out

of you like, "Boom!"

You know, what?

We're better with just... Oh!

Whoa. Whoa!

I don't even know

where Jack is right now.

He's avoiding me.

That's where he is.

Can I work in with you guys?

Sure. Knock yourself out.

I think he hates

'cause I talk so much.

It bothers him, you know?

But when I'm in the Bronx,

I have no one else

to talk to but Poopsie,

so when I'm around other humans, I...

I tend to blab a lot.

No, you don't. I do, I do.

Will you throw

a couple more 45s on'?

Erin, he was being

so nice to me,

and then I had to

bring up the Pacino thing,

because. I don't know.

I do that. It's just 'cause

I'm insecure, you know'?

I feel like the only reason

he brought me on this cruise

is for some Pacino-related

shenanigans

and it just gets in my head.

He told me he wanted you

to come on this cruise

because he didn't want you to

spend your first New Year's Eve

without your mom alone.

He said that?

Yeah.

Oh, my God, that

means so much to me.

Why didn't I use my twin

powers to know that?

Do they not work when

you're out of the country'?

Maybe they don't.

That's why he was mad!

'Cause he was being good to me, and I...

I did what I did

and I'm a jerk,

and I have to call him.

And I'm gonna straighten the

whole family vacation out,

- I promise. This is so cool!

- Push!

Push! Push harder!

I was pushing it!

Hey! Hey!

All right! Al Pacino!

Al, Al Pacino!

Al Pacino!

Now you got it!

All right, let's have...

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