Jack and Jill Page #9

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Here you go!

Boom! Ah, yeah!

Oh, I always come on the short end of that.

I'm getting a call.

Hello. Hello?

Hello?

I don't understand.

Are you mocking

my voice right now'?

No, no, no, I'm not.

I... I can't talk right now.

Okay, don't talk, then.

Just listen.

I just want

to tell you I'm sorry.

I'm... I'm the reason

we're fighting right now.

And... And I never

thank you enough

for doing all you do

for me, so thank you.

Who is that, your brother? Yeah.

Who is that, Jack?

That's, uh...

It's... It's nobody!

Hey, Popcorn,

we're having fun here!

Are you with Al Pacino?

No, no, I'm not! I just...

I said I can't talk

right now, weirdo!

Please tell me you're not doing

what I think you're doing.

I said I can't talk,

so I'm hanging up!

Jack, speak in

your regular voice

or I'll know the real reason

why you brought me

on this cruise.

I can't always do what you want

when you want it! Bye!

I mean, come on!

Hey, what's

Popcorn's problem'?

Mayor McCheesy doesn't

like his new script'?

Oh, get over yourself.

My brother's very good

at what he does.

He's going to write a book

one day, you'll see.

Oh, yes, he's an author.

I forgot, that's right.

He's got a whole novel in him

about Desenex foot powder.

Ooh! Oh!

So funny.

Okay. Yes.

Oh, that's the Bronx girl

coming back.

Now, you take back what

you said about Pagogo!

Go ahead, do it.

Defend the honor

of that self-deluded,

sycophantic, bitter hack.

Are you okay? Get off of me.

Okay. It's not okay.

I'm sorry.

I know... What could I do?

You know, you had that, uh...

You had a broken bottle

and were coming at me.

Yeah, yeah, well,

get away from me.

All right.

Just let me breathe for a second.

I just... I need my own space.

Back up.

Okay, all right, I'm backing up.

Back up! All right!

Oh, geez. Hey...

You don't hit a girl

with a chair on the first date!

It's amazing

the way you stick up

for your brother. It's just...

Well, I got to do that.

Don't I at least owe him that?

'Cause all I ever do is take things

from him and ruin things and...

Well, that's his point

of view, you know.

I mean, that's the way

he makes you see yourself.

You want to know what I see?

Yes, I want to

know what you see.

You can get any girl

in the world,

and why would you want me?

Answer that. It makes no sense.

Well, I see an angel

with a broken wing.

I see a brother who

all he got all his life

was everything.

All the glory,

all the accolades,

everything since they were two.

I... I see a girl

who wants recognition

but just never gets it,

yet she has a heart so big,

she finds happiness

in seeing her brother

receive it all.

Yeah, yeah, but come on,

aren't I a pain in the butt?

I mean, don't I

annoy everybody?

You got so much love

in you, Jill,

so much to give.

You just need someone

to give it to.

To dream

The impossible dream

To fight

The unbeatable foe

To bear with

unbearable sorrow

Dulcinea.

Dulci-what-a'?

You are Dulcinea from the

Broadway play they offered me

and I am the Man of La Mancha.

Oh.

You got me there.

I'm taking the part!

What about my brother?

What do I do? What do I say'?

Ah, your brother.

Oh, I don't know there's

much you can do about him.

I mean, not that

he doesn't love you.

He loves you, I'm sure, but

it's a kind of deathbed love,

the kind of love he'll look

back on when it's too late.

Hey, listen, I'm gonna

do Man of La Mancha.

No, no, no, I got to fix it.

I got to fix it now,

now I got to fix it.

Hey, where are you going?

Back to the ship.

Would you stay if I did

your brother's commercial'?

Oh, the heck with

that commercial.

I'm going to see my womb-mate.

Come on,

come on, pick up the phone.

You have

reached the voice mailbox of...

What is this? How do you...

To leave

a voice message, press one.

Oh, God.

Jill!

Jill, open up!

Jack?

Um, what are you wearing?

You were with Al Pacino,

weren't you?

Wow, you're good.

Jill was right.

You are a weirdo.

I know I am.

Where is she? Where's Jill?

She went home,

and nowl know why.

She went home?

Oh, God, what am I going to do?

Good-bye, good-bye

Good-bye, my love

I can't hide

Can't hide

Can't hide what has come

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

I have to go

And leave you alone

But always know

Always know

Going in alone is fine,

Mom, and I'm not alone.

I'm with you.

Good-bye

Good-bye

Hey, well, guess what,

I'm not wearing underwear.

It's New Year's Eve.

Let's have some fun.

Yo, you guys.

Is that Jill Sadelstein?

She was absolutely

the biggest loser

in our high school.

I mean, didn't she marry that

bird and move to the jungle?

OMG, she's here alone tonight.

The loserness continues.

Hey, Jill.

Oh, hey! Happy New Year, guys

Where you been hiding, hon?

I was visiting my brother

for Thanksgiving, and he...

I just decided to stay out

there with him for a while.

Yeah, he must have loved that.

For your information, Carol,

he begged me to stay,

but I'm just too exhausted

from being on game shows

and dating movie stars.

Oh, who'd you hook up

with, Rob Schneider?

I like him.

God, you're hot.

You know, I don't like

to kiss and tell,

but I was with Sir Al

Pacino for a whole night.

Aw, honey, it must

not have worked out

since you're all alone tonight.

Yeah. Aren't you'?

She's not alone.

She's with her family.

Jack? Jill.

What are you doing here?

That's Jack.

I just... I realized

there's something that I...

I want to tell you so much.

I just... I don't

know how to say...

What?

Ook maga do do, Pokee.

Oh, my God.

Ook maga do do blarda,

blarda, blarda.

Mama Pandoree bon Papa

Pandoree long bada-bada.

Bada-Bada, I know.

Pagogo Tu lray

Nah ee Pokee Para mee.

But most important,

Bongi

Bongi que Mahjongee.

Of course, I love those guys.

Bongi para rumpernickel

pumpernickel.

That's freaking beautiful.

It's just

Just beautiful.

Para Kaya!

Ook maga do do.

Coodlee me, coodlee me.

I'm so happy, so happy...

Thank you.

So, what, are you,

like, his wife?

Is that Monica?

Yeah. Hi, I'm... I'm Erin.

Nice to meet you.

Well, I guess he settled

for second best.

Because I dumped his sorry

butt in high school.

Yes, I did.

Don't worry, Erin.

They used to call her

"The Cheese Tray"

'cause she got passed

around at all the parties.

Oh, we're getting busy.

I'm right here.

What are you doing?

What did I do?

Don't you touch

my sister-in-law.

Knock her out,

Jill, knock her out!

Oh, my God! You okay?

Oh!

Muleteers!

Prepare to do battle.

Oh, my God,

is that Colonel Sanders?

Al, what is this?

Why do you look like that?

He... He's doing

Man of La Mancha now,

so he always stays

in character.

Milady.

Al, I'm so sorry.

I thought I made it clear,

we're not meant to be.

Pokee, Klapa!

It's...

It's not you, it's me.

Dulcinea. Yes?

Your purity befits a knight

more worthy than I.

Go to him.

He waits for you.

Pagogo, where's the knight?

You'll just have to see

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