Jackass - The Movie Page #5

'cause I haven't been

able to walk right since.

We're gonna take x-ray now, to be sure.

Okay.

- Take a...

- Oh, okay.

This is comfy.

Hold your breath. Don't move.

- What is that?

- I have no idea.

That's not part of you.

That's something extra.

I would've known if I ate that.

No. You wouldn't be able

to swallow that.

That is a car toy.

- Well, how did a car toy get there?

- Maybe you stuck it up your ass.

I didn't stick anything up my ass.

- Have you ever seen anything like that?

- No, I never seen that in there.

I've seen a toy car all over,

but never in somebody's rectum.

- You can't get it out? You don't have...

- No.

I'm a physician,

but I practice this, x-ray, only.

You think maybe I can just,

you know, poop it out?

You won't be able to poop it out.

In fact, it will hurt you.

In fact,

I don't think it's even good for you

that you poop it out.

What will happen if you take Ex-Lax?

Will that help?

No, if he takes Ex-Lax,

well, he gets a lot of diarrhea,

but no car.

I appreciate it.

Thank you for taking care of me.

- Okay.

- Thanks again.

You know, it's not that easy

trying to get this thing out as it is.

Especially with all you guys

f***ing staring at me.

F***ing peanut gallery

while I'm trying to crap.

- Oh, sh*t!

- Get down there and film low.

That sounded like an injury.

- Did it come out?

- It's coming.

Everyone, be quiet.

Oh, that hurt so bad.

- Let me see it. Hold it up.

- Something broke.

I'm bleeding.

- Let's see it. Let's see it.

- Not that bad.

He's alive!

Oh, Johnny Knoxville. He made it.

Oh, there is a God.

Oh, please.

And at last! I thought it would never...

This is the end!

Oh, thank you, Jesus!

Oh, child!

- Let's see it! Let's see it!

- Not that bad.

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, f***!

Bam, what the...

Whose dick do I gotta suck

to get some explosions around here?

It's got a boner.

Oh! Oh, f***!

That's a man.

Gator wrestling.

For f***'s sake, come here!

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Hurry!

We wanted to see if you would run here

with a car up your ass.

No, I ain't running anywhere.

It's scary enough to walk.

You're nice. You're a good man.

- Want to come over for dinner?

- No, that's okay.

- You know how to operate it now?

- Yeah, I think so. I think so.

- I need help.

- Yeah.

The smiley face is a complete crucial.

What did I say?

- F***.

- F***.

I didn't say the "F" word.

Yeah, you did. You said "f***."

- Don't worry, we'll bleep it.

- I did? Can we cut that out?

- It's all right.

- It looks fine. It looks normal.

I think it says "f***" on my forehead.

- They don't have a tail?

- No! They must have...

Show him the x-ray.

I mean, trust me, dude,

I'm not unimpressed.

F***!

The next time,

we can do Son of Jackass.

Son...

Yeah, dude.

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