Jackass 3.5 Page #2

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one giant leap for that sweet ass.

Jesus. You can't see sh*t

in these things.

Check it out.

Yeah.

This is the Magna-Goggles.

Oh, my God. Hold on.

-All right. Go.

-Okay.

Wait, let me aim you first.

Okay.

-All right.

-Yeah?

-Just go.

-Okay.

Go.

Go!

I'm sorry, bro

No you're not.

You ready to run a down and in pattern

about five yards out and across?

-Absolutely.

-All right. Give Preston a high five.

-Yes. All right.

-Come on.

These things suck.

Hut, hut!

F***!

-Where did that get you?

-Right in the nose.

Sh*t.

-You got this.

-I got this?

-Come on, Dunn.

-Yeah.

-Come on, Dunn.

-Let them have it.

Sh*t.

Wee Man is fun to dress up, period.

He just looks cute in anything

you put him in.

Preston, too.

This is Snow Tubing.

I f***ing kicked him in the face.

-Kicked him in the face?

-I kicked him in the face.

Kicked him right here.

Frosty, he's bleeding a little.

This just ain't Frosty's day. F***.

That's one dumb reindeer.

Dude, this is screwed up.

That was good.

Can you help me up?

I saw this bit on

America's Funniest Home Videos.

Two kids run at a tree

with a 15-foot-long stick

on either end,

and they hit the tree in the middle,

and it just sends them flying

when they hit the tree.

Basically, we're gonna try to clothesline

ourselves with this two-by-four.

And it's downhill, and Dunn's

gonna be landing in horse sh*t,

-so I don't think...

-Thank you for pointing that out for me.

-Thanks.

-Yeah.

Why do you think I've been favoring

over here the whole time?

I didn't notice I have a big pile

of horse sh*t to land in.

Awesome.

This is the Blowback.

Sh*t.

-F***.

-Awesome.

F***ing stupid bullshit.

-That was great.

-I liked it.

"That was great"?

Did you guys stand there beforehand

and go,

"Let's just be enthusiastic

and encourage this thing"?

No no. That looks funny.

-That looks good.

-Yeah, man.

I wish you guys had a dick cam

'cause that's where that pole went.

That was rad.

It's such a dumb idea

'cause you have to choreograph it

so you're both doing it

at the exact same time.

You both weigh the same.

It was destined for failure

from the get-go,

but we kept on trying it

'cause we're stupid.

Nobody wants to jump in?

No.

I'm just saying.

I don't know. I'm feeling sorry for you.

Really painful thing,

low payoff.

Yeah.

Just do it again.

Take two.

-This is the Blowback.

-Sh*t.

I hate it.

Some things just don't translate

to camera.

Yeah?

ldeally, you want something

that doesn't hurt,

but looks really bad.

This is a whole other story.

The opposite.

At least we busted it,

so we can't try it again.

You tried it with Knoxville

and he sliced his hand open.

You could see his bone.

That ain't my fault.

I know. It's the Blowback's fault.

Dumb Blowback.

That hurt worse than when it...

It's out of frame. Turn this way

so everyone's out of frame.

It's stinging.

For a bit that doesn't work,

that f***ing thing sucks.

All right, take a big breath.

You can do this.

Not too bad, right?

All right. It's gonna numb up.

A little burn, perhaps.

That camera on?

All right. If you have pain, tell me.

I'll get you more numbing medicine.

I know you're the type

that's not gonna tell me

'cause you don't want any more shots.

All right.

Let me get this thing closed up.

F*** off.

I'm Brandon Novak,

and this is Doo Doo Falls.

-You okay?

-F***.

Thank God for that f***ing helmet.

Dude, I hit my head so hard,

it honestly saved my life.

Did you make dookie on yourself?

Yeah.

He just sh*t his pants.

But if anyone deserves

to sh*t their pants,

it's you for doing that.

-Wipe your shitty ass.

-You wipe it.

-Why do I gotta wipe it?

-'Cause I can't move right now.

No no

Why so rough?

F***ing a**hole.

-What are you doing, Ryan?

-Painting lips on the chick.

For the kiss.

What does it look like I'm doing?

All right. Hang on. Okay, go.

Steve-O, in a little bit more.

We're here with Mark Zupan,

and this is the Kissing Booth.

That was great.

P., that was gold.

Oh, my God.

-You all right?

-Make it happy.

Yay! Nice kiss.

Big, old kiss. She's hot.

Yeah.

The Phantom camera was so fun,

especially for Jackass

where we had a lot of impact.

It shoots so slow that one second

on the Phantom camera

is like 40 seconds.

Preston is your ideal guy

to shoot Phantom on.

Even a skinny guy,

if you hit him in the face,

you'll see the face come off the skull.

But the fatter you are,

the more rippling and waving it gets.

It's just gonna roll and look crazy.

I fell in love with the Phantom camera.

I was just thinking,

when I just put Wee Man,

his naked ass

with his balls hanging down,

and I threw a tennis ball at his balls.

Man, there are certain things

that look really great.

Anything Pontius does with his pee-pee

is funny on the Phantom camera.

When we found the Phantom camera,

we started writing

bits for it left and right.

I'm Danger Ehren,

and I'm about to go fishing.

It really captures what happens

when you get hit in the face.

You sure it's not just gonna hit me

right in the front of the face?

-Yes, I got you.

-All right.

I'm not gonna hit you in the front

of the face. I got you.

All right, guys, come on. We're rolling.

When was the last time

you took a fish to the head?

I haven't taken a fish to the head

in a long -ass time.

Why?

I missed.

F***.

I told you I wasn't gonna hit your nose.

What are your predictions?

How many walls do you think

he's gonna get through?

So, that's the object here?

Two and the beginning of the third one.

I'm with you. What's your predictio

Two and a bump into the third one,

with no damage to the third one.

-He's too light. He's only a buck 60...

-He's a buck 60.

-He's too light. He can't smash through.

-Then maybe you should go down there.

I'm not going there.

-Are you okay?

-No.

Oh, my God.

All right.

I love you.

For the love of f***'s sake,

this is Drywall Drop-In.

-Are you all right? Sh*t.

-Yeah, I'm fine.

You okay? Are you okay?

-Yeah.

-You have drywall in your mouth.

Watch out. There's nails.

-Okay.

-We'll get them off.

It looked especially funny

when you hit the walls.

You did good.

-Was it neat?

-It was neat-o.

Good. Just so long as it was neat.

Yeah. Way to go.

Who's Darf?

Darf is a friend of mine,

a friend of ours that we no longer see.

Darf is when Dave is blacked-out drunk,

and he's the worst.

He's the worst of any of the guys.

When he's drunk, he's the worst.

Apparently, from what I hear,

jf I drink too much,

I turn into a different person,

named Darf,

who's a total a**hole

that just goes around doing

as many horrible things as he can.

And Darf showed up one night

in Northern California at a bar.

Everyone wanted to kick his ass.

I was told the next day,

I got my wiener out

and I put mustard all over it,

which is called the Portland Frank.

And I was like,

"There's no way I did that."

And I pulled my pants down,

and it was all mustard-y.

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