Jackass 3D Page #4

Speed and velocity equals that.

- Good game. See you in the showers.

- Good game. See you in the showers.

Oh, f***!

That was perfect. That was perfect.

This is our friend, Will,

and he has a very special bottom.

Dude, you are one mingin' machine.

You ready? All right,

come on, dude, let's party.

- What about the trumpet?

- All right. Here he goes.

You're bringing jazz back

to the working man.

- We're on to something here.

- That's talent!

Hey, bud, dude,

can I bum a smoke?

Wait.

Bottoms up.

There's sh*t on the end...

Is there sh*t on the end?

- There's sh*t on there.

- Hey, look at this sh*t.

I saw it.

- That's f***ing gross.

- Dude, that was f***ing mingin'.

Let's get out the dart gun.

- Yeah.

- There you go.

Luckily, we had it handy.

- Do you want to practice?

- Let's get a balloon.

- Does it need to go down lower?

- Yeah, go lower.

You got it. You got it.

You might want to tuck

your nuts up.

No, no, no! I think you should leave

your legs just a little agape.

Steve-O, don't get your balls

in the way. You'll hurt 'em.

- Is this sucking in?

- Yeah, he's sucking in.

- Trippin' out.

- I'm seriously trippin'.

You wanna try the longer... Hey!

My name's Johnny Knoxville

and this is Bad Dog.

Oklahoma! Oklahoma!

F***!

Oh, my ass meat!

That dog... is athletic.

My ass hurts.

Lance, can you tell

I've been doing squats?

You know, I couldn't

have done this on the first...

...two movies, because

I never really did squats

or anything then,

but now I've been really

working out my butt and legs,

and it gave the dog

something to bite on.

Pretty good something

to bite on, if you ask me.

Yeah.

I'm Chris Pontius,

and this is the Helicockter.

Oh, no, you're flying it.

Yeah!

- Throttle back, throttle back!

- Throttle back!

Throttle back. Throttle back.

Oh, God!

Well, so much for my aviation career.

Oh, God. So much for my love life.

Yo, Novak.

- Oh, my God!

- Holy f***!

Oh, my God!

- Are you all right?

- Oh, my God!

Dude, you have no idea

how f***ing perfect that was.

Help me up. No, not that way.

Dude, we gotta see that sh*t.

Dude, it hit so f***ing hard, my face...

- That's the brake.

- Look at the weld.

- I've had stronger silverware.

- How fast does it go?

It's kind of fast

for being as cruddy as they are.

- So you're saying he might make it.

- He'll definitely make it.

- Dude, you got this.

- Nothing.

Nothing.

What's the furthest you've jumped

a motorcycle before?

I haven't jumped a motorcycle.

- So this will be your record.

- Yeah. I'm breaking records.

I'm doing the Snake River

Redemption and, hopefully,

if all goes as planned,

I will create a perfect rainbow,

ending up in Wee Man's pot of gold.

Or on Wee Man.

- Either way.

- Either way works.

The proud owner

of Wee Man's Chronic Tacos!

At least your run-up ramp

looks like a piece of microwave bacon.

Uphill!

A very patriotic, microwave bacon.

Just aim for the f***ing leprechaun.

I'm gonna try

and take out the leprechaun.

- Land in the gold.

- Steal his gold.

Whatever. Let's f***ing get it over with

and go have some f***ing tacos!

Sh*t!

- F*** yeah!

- You all right?

You OK?

We got a Dunn down!

You done good!

That was f***ing awesome.

That was awesome, Dunn!

Dude, that thing is squirrelly as sh*t!

That was so amazing!

I think its time

fora Wee Mans Chronic Taco replay.

Redemption is made!

I'm Preston Lacy,

and this is the Apple of My Ass.

- Want me to put it in, P?

- Put her in.

Help me out, O.

- What about the apple?

- I got it.

- Is it in there pretty good?

- I think so. I think so.

- A little deeper.

- I can make it fit way better.

- A little deeper.

- What?

- Hold it open, I'll put it in.

- There we go. That's in good.

- Oh, Steve-O.

- My balls.

Hold on.

You don't like apple

and peanut butter?

- Bring in Bob.

- Come on, Bob!

Oh, don't bring in Bob.

- Come on, Bob.

- Oh, my God.

- Make him work for it.

- Come on, Bob.

- Poor Bob.

- Come on, Bob.

- Get it, Bob.

- He smells.

Come on, Bobby. Bob-Bob. Bob-Bob.

- The old forbidden fruit.

- Come on, Bob.

- The Garden of Eatin'.

- Come on, Bob!

Grip it, grip it.

Bob.

He really got in there.

Oh, he's going back for more.

Don't move.

He's going back for more.

Good, baby.

Put it back in there? OK.

- Is that Bob?

- Oh, man.

It's in there!

It's still in there!

Get back down there!

Get back down. it's still in.

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

- Can I move this?

- Still have an apple in your ass?

Got it out.

Why did you do that, Jeff?

See, Bob? I told you it's not

that hard to get into a movie.

- You got it?

- Oh, no!

I was checking out my new

haircut in the mirror.

I was talking to Wee Man

over there, then I heard a...

I'm like, "What was that?"

"l know what that was."

Kinda hurt my nose.

It's like way, way up in my brain.

Me and the boys are about

to do a little Duck Hunting.

- Pun!

- oh, sh*t!

You guys all right?

- What did Andy do?

- He got f***ed up.

- Our timing was off.

- I don't know. When we jumped,

somehow I got under him, he got

on top of me, and he landed on me.

His head smashed me.

- Fm shaking.

- It hurt so bad.

- Got hit too.

- That looked hilarious.

Now it's Parks's turn,

and this duck's got

a little more meat on him.

Pull!

We lit him the f*** up.

Oh, my God!

I got welted.

!t's like f***in' falling

into a bees' nest.

- Holy crap!

- We killed Quack Quack.

- My whole back stings.

- Does it?

Yeah, ten, 11 right there,

and that one.

All right. So let's reload.

Get Dunn on there.

Looks like Dunn's up next.

Ready, C-sucker?

This one's a gobbler for sure.

Pull!

Good f***ing God!

I gotta give it to Paul Bunyans

4 0-foot tucking cartwheel.

You look like Buck Rogers

going through time, you know.

Yeah, I felt like I was

in the air for a fortnight.

Oh, my God.

Jump out!

I told you

I was gonna f***ing clear it.

That f***ing just happened, didn't it?

Hello. My name is Irving Zisman.

This is my wife and granddaughter,

and today I'm a Really Bad Grandpa.

No, you're not, Grandpa.

You're the best.

- Irving!

- Sorry, baby.

Sorry.

Sorry, man, sorry.

Excuse me, homeboy,

can you take our picture?

- I'm sorry to bother you.

- No problem.

I'm so...

Sorry. Thank you, buddy. OK?

- You know what? I'm gonna pass.

- You just hit the button there.

I'm going to pass on that.

Are you underage?

No. This is my granddaughter.

She's of age. She's 19.

Sir, you shouldn't be

kissing your granddaughter,

slapping your granddaughter's

ass like that, sir.

- She's of age.

- You can go to jail for that.

I don't... I'm trying.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

You shouldn't be doing that

to your granddaughter.

- What are you doing?

- Honey, I don't even know this man.

I don't care. You're with your

granddaughter. That's terrible!

- I've never seen anything like it...

- This is my wife.

- This is your wife?

- Yes. Honey, I'm sorry.

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