Jackass 3D Page #5

Don't bother coming home tonight!

OK? Don't bother.

Honey! God. Jesus.

- Why would you...?

- Go talk to her.

Excuse me. I have my own problems.

Honey!

It's time to find out

if music calms the wild beast.

I'm Ryan Dunn,

and this is the Ram Jam.

Soothing?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

He's already looking at me.

Can you just go over there until

I get in here, buddy? Jesus.

You better hurry up.

He's looking at me.

- He looks beguiled.

- He's like, "Are these guys stupid?"

- He doesn't like what he sees, though.

- Hey, little baby.

That was good.

- Play some music! Play some music!

- You're toast.

- Steve-O, help him!

- Play some music!

Steve-O, help him!

Get it over here, Dunn!

Go help him, Steve-O!

- Save your bro!

- Help him, Steve-O!

- Play!

- Steve-O!

Play the trumpet!

- Yeah, there you go.

- Just you, Steve-O.

Maybe we used the wrong instruments.

So you think music

calmed the wild beast?

Not at all, man, not at all.

I don't think so, either:

Here we go.

You guys look like idiots.

Ready?

Fore!

- You all right?

- Yeah.

- Did you take it in the neck?

- Yeah.

Oh, my God, dude!

You took it in the Adams apple.

- Hi, Spike.

- Ehren NlcGhehey. Travis Bickle.

- He's got a tooth that we need out.

-I need it out.

I need it because you need it.

Whatever you need, I need.

- Let's get it out.

- We need it together.

You wanna walk the walk,

you gotta talk the talk,

or no one will take you seriously.

Dr. Pontius? Dr. Dunn?

- Can we do this?

- Finally!

Tie him up and let's do it.

Sit down.

Relax.

- Take it easy.

- Relax.

You know why this happened.

Flossing is just

as important as brushing.

So what we're going to do is

extract Ehren's crooked tooth

and then we're gonna replant it,

just like you would a tree.

- But straight.

- But straight.

I'm Danger Ehren, and this is

the Lamborghini Tooth Pull.

Here's the good news:

What you're doing is stupid.

So you got that going.

Get in the Lambo, shitbird!

This is gonna suck.

Did your barber tell you to do this?

He seems like he's full of bad ideas.

Are you stoked?

It's a Lamborghini.

Listen to that thing.

- Open your eyes wide.

- Look at that bad-ass Lamborghini.

Yeah!

God!

- Way to go!

- F***in' deuce!

Victory.

I wish I could say that didn't suck.

- Oh, my God!

- You look terrible!

- Oh, my God!

- You did good.

You did good. You did good.

Man, that hurt me. Not really.

Let me see, Ehren.

- What'd it feel like?

- It hurt like a...

- What was that?

-I don't know.

- What... Are you crying?

- You're pulling my tooth.

We already pulled your tooth.

We're not "pulling" your tooth.

We already pulled your tooth.

We're not "pulling" your tooth.

The tooth is officially pulled.

Ehren, remember how I said

I could replant the tooth?

- Yeah.

- That story wasn't true.

I'm sorry.

- Oh, my God.

- It was a story.

We were trying to build up

your confidence.

That hurts.

A lot of doctors... dentists...

I don't really consider them

real doctors.

They think they're God,

you know? Not me.

Satan.

Yeah, he's soaked.

You f***ing...

How much piss do you have?!

Dudes, I'm telling you,

I drank a dozen of them things.

All I got to say is,

Tremaine told me to do this.

Ap and Phil just arrived

in Los Angeles.

As soon as they check in

their hotel room,

there's gonna be a gorilla

in there, aka Chris Pontius,

and the trainer here, Will,

who's gonna try to tame him

but it's gonna go horribly wrong.

Basically, all hell's gonna break loose.

It's gonna be a blood orgy.

My goodness.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

No, no, no, no!

it's OK! This is Samson.

Just don't make eye contact.

Samson, down. Be quiet.

He's a good boy. If he wants to

be a good boy, he's a good boy.

Just don't make any

sudden movements.

Don't make eye contact

with him. Samson...

I'm getting my whip!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Get out of here!

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Get out of here!

Oh, God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, Samson!

- Jesus Christ. What the hell was that?

- There's a trainer...

- it's out! it's out!

What happened to Phil?

- The trainer will get him.

- He said be quiet.

Sam, Sam...

Oh, my God.

I never saw a gorilla before.

- He's tame.

- He just wrecked the whole room.

- There's a f***ing trainer.

- Big deal!

- Did this go wrong or something?

- Kind of.

What was supposed to happen?

- He's like the trainer...

- Oh, so what?

He seems all right now.

Was this supposed to be

just fun or something?

He wants to go back in the room.

Do you have the key to that room?

- Yeah.

- Give me the key.

- Give me the key.

- My husbands in there somewhere.

Is Phil OK? Is Phil out here?

-I sh*t myself!

- What? Where is he?

-I had to take a mean sh*t.

- There's a gorilla.

I know. I had to take a mean sh*t.

It was coming out.

Hear it? it's all juicy. I had to do it.

I need this thing off.

I can't breathe. I need this off.

Is that a person?

That's a frickin' person.

- it's Pontius, dipshit!

- Is that a person?

Is that a...

Oh, my God! I can't believe it!

Did you almost have a heart attack?

Oh, my God.

- I'm so glad you're fake.

- Welcome to L.A.

Phil's in there shittin'.

- Get...

- It scared the sh*t out of Phil.

All right.

- That's a good one.

- Get it! Go! Go!

Hello, my name is Johnny Knoxville,

and today I'm an Invisible Man.

You ready?

OK.

Take him around again.

Am I still invisible?

I hate when they do that.

F*** me.

Where'd Knoxville go?

He's up ahead.

Is he close? Oh, f***!

Open the gate!

That was f***ing insane.

- No, he landed bad.

- He really fell a little bit there.

- Oh, Jesus.

- You OK, Johnny?

Dude, that was a total neck-breaker:

I think it jarred his head.

- Get the money shot?

- Oh, yeah, dude.

Look at the feet mark

on top of the tree.

Yeah, look it...

-I got ups. Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, you did.

- You were over the rainbow.

- I was over the rainbow.

So, in this trailer,

we have a false floor

with an 11-foot-deep pit we dug

and filled with rubber snakes.

And Barn thinks hes gonna be doing a prank on Jeff,

who's sitting in front of the trailer.

Mr. David Weathers...

...has a few hundred live snakes

we're gonna throw in there with him.

Barn really hates snakes, too.

This may be the first time

Barn cries in the film.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

- All right.

- You want to...?

Tremaine's in a very vulnerable spot.

I think it's time for Rocky.

I think it's Rocky 4, I believe.

Either way, he's getting

punched in the face.

Be quiet.

Oh, f***!

F***ing f***.

No!

Are they real?

Get me the f*** out of here.

You cocksuckers.

Dude, get me out, man.

- They're not real, dude.

- What happened?

- I want out, man.

Barn. Barn.

What, what?! Don't do this to me!

Yo, seriously, get me out!

Get me the f*** out now!

Now! Get me out now!

Dude, stop, stop, stop!

Oh, Jesus.

I'm stepping back for this one.

Dude, stop f***ing with me!

Hey, Barn.

- Dude, I f***ing hate you guys.

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