Jackboots on Whitehall Page #5

of your FANY.

- Splendid.

- Rupee?

- Yes, sir!

- You remain in command of your men.

- Thank you, sir!

- Fiske.

- You're our air force.

- You got it, Mr President.

Now, Christopher.

Two days ago I was an old man,

ready for retirement.

I'd given up on the world,

but you rescued me from the boredom

and restraint of politics

and gave me the chance

for one more fight.

Now I'm asking you to help us again.

Head north into uncharted territory,

find whatever is out there,

and bring them back here

to aid us in our struggle for victory.

I am asking you this as a soldier.

As a soldier, I accept, Mr Churchill.

Good man.

I cannot underestimate

the importance of your success.

The future of our civilisation,

and my pension,

now rests with you.

- You must not fail.

- Yes, sir!

Now then...

Mr Hitler knows that they will have to

break us on this wall or lose the war.

Let us, therefore,

brace ourselves to our duties,

and do as our friend

from the United States would

and kick some butt!

F***in' A, Mr President.

Bravo!

Yeah! Ho-ho! Ha-ha! Ho-ho!

This may be the last time

we ever see each other.

Don't say that.

Mr Churchill wouldn't have picked you

unless he believed in you.

England believes in you, Chris,

and... I believe in you.

You take care of yourself.

Take this shotgun.

It might be dangerous out there.

I'll see you when I get back.

I love you, Chris.

I love you.

Raus! Schnell!

That's funny. Sounds like...

like a train.

Bloody 'ell.

Sh*t. Communists.

For the last time, Billy Fiske,

these are not communists.

Yeah? That's what they want you to think.

Er...

Bollocks.

Uh-oh. The thin red line of heroes.

Ooh, I'm so frightened!

Hey, Rupee -

here's that 50 bucks I owe ya.

Ah, very decent of you, old friend.

Just thought I'd square up with the house,

you know?

Shame you won't get a chance to spend it.

I'm waiting for you,

you son of a NaZi whore!

- Father!

- Come and fight me!

My god against yours!

Sorry, sir, he must have

found his way back to the bottle.

- Good man.

- Sausage-eating...

wankers!

Wankers! Wankers!

Wankers! Wankers!

Let us take example from the Church.

Double the ale ration!

Two pints per man.

Sir. Double the ale ration!

Two pints per man.

Come on, lads.

Drink her right down.

# And did those feet

# In ancient time

# Walk upon England's mountain green?

# And was the holy land of God

# On England's pleasant pastures seen?

- That's it! Sing! Sing!

- # And did the countenance divine

# Shine forth upon our clouded hills?

# And was Jerusalem

# Builded here

# Among those dark satanic mills?

Yes, those dark satanic mills!

# Bring me my bow of burning gold!

# Bring me my arrows of desire!

# Bring me my spear!

# O clouds, unfold!

- Now, Rupee!

- Present at 100 yards!

Right, here we go!

# I will not cease from mental fight

# Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand

# Till we have built Jerusalem

# In England's green and pleasant land #

Now, Rupee! Fire!

Fire!

Take that, FritZ!

Come and get it, you little prick!

Got one!

Fire the catapult!

AlleZ!

- Ow!

- Oh, my foot!

Ahh!

No, wait! No! Nooooo!

Hold hard, men!

Achtung! Raus!

We cannot hold it!

Pouring hot oil!

Nein! Nein!

- 'Ave some o' that.

- It's so oily und hot!

You f***ers!

Burn...

in the fires of BeelZebub!

What is this? Foul play?

Fear not.

We shall hold off Ze attack until dawn.

Then Heidi and Helga will lead Ze attack.

Hello, girls!

Gates reinforced now, Prime Minister.

We are now truly subject to Mother Nature.

Bloody English weather.

You know, Daisy,

I usually do not approve of men,

but that boy Christopher

will make a first-rate husband.

I hope I see him again.

Please! No, wait! I mean you no harm!

I just want to speak to your chief!

Oh, no, please! No!

No! No!

...ye cannae argue wi' the man.

No, get off!

Please! Leave me alone!

No! No!

Noooo!

Who's there?

It is I, the chief of this clan.

- Who are you?

- My name is Chris.

Chris, is it?

Are you an assassin, Chris?

No. I'm a soldier from England.

Hmm, a soldier from England, is it?

And what did they tell you in England?

That we are complete savages?

There are some that think that,

but I have heard a different tale.

The tale of a great Scottish hero,

who defended Scot Land all on his own.

The tale of Braveheart.

Back then, the English king was evil,

he threw people out of castle windows.

- I see.

- Everybody loved Braveheart.

Even though there were rumours

that he were actually an Australian.

Ah, interesting.

But in the end,

he almost beat the English.

Do you know this tale?

Aye, laddie. I know this tale.

I know this tale because...

I am Braveheart!

- You what?

- And you...

you, Chris, are a Scotsman!

Er, no, I'm not.

- You are.

- No, really, I'm from Kent.

Ha! Kent! Just look at those great 'ands.

That's a mark o' a Highlander

if ever I saw one.

Braveheart, we need your help.

We need your help

and your lethal weapons.

Would that be lethal weapon one,

two, three, or four?

Will you join us in the fight for freedom?

Aye.

But first there is something we must do.

Now you're home, laddie!

Freedo-o-o-om!

They're up to something.

They're definitely up to something.

Bring me Churchill's head on a plate.

Jawohl, Herr Himmler.

What in the name of?

It's like the whole of hell has awoken.

Sh*t on a stick.

Artillery - feuer!

Incoming!

Let's go, girls!

Stand by for full armour attack.

They're approaching the east wall.

Hold the line!

It's a bloody pack of wild

Bavarian banshee b*tches!

Jawohl! Aaaah!

They've breached the gates.

Deutschland! Deutschland!

Schnell! Schnell!

Raus!

Die, you feather pickers!

Ah! Take this! Take that! Ah!

Das ist das Englischer Schwein!

Watch the ladders!

We're going to lose the wall, Tom.

- Get ready to sound the retreat.

- Yes, sir.

Sound the general retreat.

Sound the general retreat!

I retreat for no man!

Come on, Father, fall back!

Retreat, girls! Retreat to the catapult!

Fall back, men! Jaldi, jaldi!

I need someone to jump the propeller!

Give me some cover!

Covering fire!

Get some o' this, baby, yeah!

Take aim!

Fire!

Aargh!

No!

Oh, they've got Tom!

Murderers!

We're out of ammunition!

This is it!

Well, well, it looks like we have won.

Looks like poor Chris did not make it.

I think this is the end.

I am now ready to meet my maker.

We fought bravely.

We fought like Englishmen.

Well, come on, then, damn it.

What are you waiting for?

Oh, Chris, where are you?

Chris!

Ha-haa!

Christopher.

You made it, lad.

He's done it.

The boy's done it!

He's brought us back an army!

Och aye! Och aye!

So the stories were true

about men in skirts.

Och aye! Och aye!

Och aye! Och aye! Och aye!

Och aye!

I always knew the bastard

was one of them.

Och aye! Och aye!

Och aye! Och aye! Och aye!

Forward!

Nein!

Butt licker!

Kiss the rock!

Kiss, kiss!

Nein, nein, nein!

- Nein! Nein!

- Come 'ere!

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