Jalla! Jalla! Page #3

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- Just pick one.

- I'll take the comfortable one.

Wait...

Maybe the powerful one...

Are you sure? This one comes

with cock rings.

Cock rings? Never mind,

just pick one of them.

Dinner's ready!

Coming!

What are you doing?

Eh... I'm taking a crap.

Howdy! Name's Simon Pramsten.

I sell this state-of-the-art

vacuum cleaner.

Your neighbour bought one.

If I could come in for a moment,

I can demonstrate the new fan

which supersedes all other models.

The fan system incorporates

this completely new type of filter.

Have a look.

Here you are, Mum.

Feel it.

What is it?

Is it a car or a tape recorder?

It's a vacuum cleaner.

But it's so small.

She says it's small,

maybe not clean good.

It's compact, but that's it's strength.

It's like a small bull.

The National Testing Institute

has carried out research

which shows that our vacuum cleaner

sucks the hardest of all.

If you like, I can demonstrate.

Go ahead.

Hello... Who's he?

A salesman. He's leaving

when he's finished cleaning.

Hello. Simon Pramsten. I sell

vacuum cleaners. I was just...

- Have you been with Yasmin?

- Yes.

- It's time to marry.

- What's the hurry? We just met.

Time's short.

- I hardly know her. Take it easy.

- We can't.

- Can't we wait a bit?

- No.

Give me a break!

Leave him alone now.

I'll talk to him later.

- Shall I continue?

- Yes, please continue.

It's all they talk about, it's too much.

And Paul's the worst of them all.

- Who's Paul?

- Her brother. He's constantly at us.

- Say you don't want to.

- It's not that simple.

I've got the whole family on my back.

It's too much!

- Have you told Lisa yet?

- No.

- Why not?

- I can't tell Lisa about it.

- How's it going with...?

- No change.

If you want to, I know someone...

I've a relative who's into

alternative medicine.

- What alternative medicine?

- Different things.

- He's the Voodoo Man.

- Have I got an evil spirit in my dick?

I know him a bit, he's

not that strange. It could work.

Shall I call him?

I'll call him.

I was thinking - what if you've

become a fag?

- What?

- Maybe you're a fag.

Come off it... !

You could wake up one morning

and be a fag.

And you call yourself my friend!

I'm your friend, it's got nothing to do

with that... It was just a thought.

- Hello, how are you?

- Very well.

- Who is that?

- The friend I told you about.

- That's the long and short of it.

- How long has it been going on?

- How long has it been like this?

- Two or three weeks, maybe four.

- About three or four weeks.

- Strange.

He thinks it's strange.

Has he been to a doctor?

He asks if you've seen a doctor.

- No.

- No, he hasn't.

- Then he's become a fag.

- He says it's strange.

- Can I examine him?

- He's going to examine you.

Whatever! You're the doctor.

I'm just going to have a look at you.

Don't be afraid.

I'm going to make you

some medicine.

You'll be all right.

Do I twist to the left or right?

Left or right?

First two turns to the right,

then two to the left.

You're supposed to juggle

with your balls.

- Do like this on him.

- The stick isn't right.

- Hold the stick straight.

- Shut your eyes and hold this straight.

I've got some ideas about furniture.

Look at this bed!

- Are you buying a bed?

- It's for you, for the flat!

It doesn't have to be one of those,

we can get whatever you like...

- Connect the hi-fi and everything.

- Sounds good.

- And I've booked the priest.

- The priest can wait. We just met.

We may as well get it over with.

I've seen the cake, it's brilliant!

Let's go.

See you.

Take the car, go for a ride.

Careful, though.

I've just waxed it.

You've got to talk to Paul. It's going

too far - the flat and the furniture.

I know, I don't understand how he's

managed it all. I'll try again.

- Talk to him.

- I've tried, but he won't listen.

We're supposed to fake it, but he's got

a priest, a party and everything.

I'll talk to him.

- Talk to him properly.

- I will, I will.

I'm seeing Lisa, so you'd better

take the car keys.

- But I can't go up there alone.

- You can't?

- I can't go up there with the keys.

- Can I give you a lift somewhere?

This is what we'll do

- we'll go and get Lisa...

You can be my cousin.

- My cousin.

- Your cousin.

- But you've got to talk to Paul.

- I will.

- Don't forget - you're my cousin.

- I'm your cousin.

- Dogs aren't allowed in here.

- Piss off!

Get that dog away from here!

He's not dangerous.

Screw you, b*tch!

Hey, you! Come over here!

- Who, me?

- Yeah, you.

Be a pal and look after my dog,

the b*tch won't let him in.

I'll only be five minutes.

Careful!

- Do I hold him like this?

- Hold his paws. Good.

Ever had a dog?

I can tell...

That's it!

You'll be all right now, Rambo.

- His name is Rambo?

- Yeah. Cool, eh?

Take good care of him.

Anyone bothers you, say "bark".

They'll sh*t themselves...

Okay, I'm counting on you now.

- What are you doing?

- Adjusting him.

Adjusting him? Just hold him

and it's cool.

Careful with his paws.

- Five minutes?

- Five.

Sh*t, look at those balls... !

Rambo! Rambo, stop!

F***!

I'll kill the son of a b*tch!

Sh*t!

He's a friend.

- All right?

- Fine.

- Where've you been?

- Around.

- This is Yasmin.

- Hi, I'm Mans.

We're on our way to get Lisa, maybe

go some place. Want to come?

- What car is that?

- It's my cousin's. Her name's Yasmin.

Mans is there, too.

I thought we'd go some place.

- I didn't know you had a girl cousin.

- She's all right.

This is Lisa.

So you're Roro's cousin?

- Funny we've never met.

- Yes, well you know...

- Do you live in town?

- Yes.

- Is it true you're marrying Roro?

- Who says?

He mentioned it at work,

but I wasn't sure.

They think so. His family

and my family, they all think so.

Why can't you just say

that you don't want to?

- It's not that simple.

- What could happen?

My family would freeze me out,

and I'd be sent back to Lebanon.

- Sh*t... For real?

- For real.

- Just like that, "bye-bye"?

- Yeah.

That's crazy.

It's almost like on one of those

minority TV shows.

Isn't there someone else

you can marry?

Look at him, he's so skinny.

- He's nothing but a skeleton.

- You're so mean!

- But there must be others.

- There are.

So you're in demand, then?

- Come on now...

- Guys come to the house to propose.

Do they - how many?

One or two, or...

Hey, your sausage!

Look...

It's a face.

- That way.

- It's a Latin man...

Looks like Dr AIban.

- What are you doing now?

- Nothing. You?

Nothing.

Who's that?

- A**hole, where the hell is Rambo?

- I'm sorry, I tried to hold him.

- But you didn't!

- There was a poodle...

- Did you hurt him?

- Cut it out. I didn't mean to...

Get the bastards!

- Why are we running?

- It's Rambo!

- Who's Rambo?

- His dog.

- What f***ing Rambo?

- This way!

I'll kill you! F***ing bastard!

Who the hell's he?

- Who are you?

- Stop it!

Think you're big 'cause you've got

a big dick!

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