Jane Wants a Boyfriend Page #3

in high school.

But she seems much better now.

-No, yeah, you're right.

She is better.

There's just a lot.

She's... a lot.

- Well,

then why did you invite her?

-Hi, Robbie.

-Hi, uh, Cynthia on my table.

-What was that, honey?

- I just said,

why did you invite her, then,

if you don't want

to deal with her all night?

- Well,

I had to cheer her up somehow,

and pancakes weren't exactly

doing the trick.

- I just... I don't... i-i

don't want you to keep an eye

on her the whole time is all.

- I got it covered, babe.

- Yeah, I know.

I just... I have a lot of

friends coming from work is all.

-So?

-So I'm just stressed.

Forget I said anything.

- Is that why you're wearing

a tie?

- You don't like this?

- I got to go get dressed.

Cynthia, bowl these.

- Okay.

- Stand clear

of the closing doors, please.

- It's such a...

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Good evening.

My name's Jane.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Good evening.

My name's Jane.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

You do know my sister.

Ugh.

- Oh, Bianca,

how's playing Titania?

- Oh, my god. Wait.

Is that the "midsummer"

directed by Harrison west?

- When did this happen?

How'd you get the part?

- Um, there was an open casting

call on backstage, and...

- didn't he direct "die hard 6"

or something?

- I think it is incredible

how he is making

the transition

from screen to stage.

-That's so amazing, b. B.

I'm, like, so happy for you.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

Just... can you

excuse me one minute?

Sorry, guys.

-Already a f***ing diva.

- Ew.

- So... -oop, oop, oop.

- So, yeah.

-Wait. When is the wedding?

- Uh, well, we haven't set a date

just yet.

- Well, are you thinking

a summer wedding?

- Uh, not sure. Uh, most of

my family lives in Boston now.

Most of hers are here.

It's just a question

of where to funnel them.

- I've always wanted

to get married someplace warm

like the Bahamas.

Nice digs, Robbie boy.

- Uh, thanks, my man.

We are very happy with it.

Uh, a lot less noisy

than the village was, you know?

Uh, low crime.

Subway's just two blocks away.

Came with this awesome swing.

- Relax, rob.

We're not looking to buy it.

- All around,

we're pretty jazzed.

- Really?

You're jazzed?

Jesus. Oh, excuse me.

Boy, sure can jam in a crowd.

Who are all these people, man?

Do I know any of these people?

- Well, if you don't,

this is, uh...

This is typically

where you would meet them.

- I guess you don't pal around

with the old posse anymore, huh?

-Well, you're here.

- Hmm.

- Yes.

Yes, we are.

-So, um... uh...

- Kim.

- Kim,

you must know Jack

from the restaurant, then.

-Yeah.

- NYU.

- What?

- She goes to Fordham.

- Fordham?

I have a good friend

who works there... bill Manning.

He's adjunct, teaches a couple

of journalism classes.

You must've heard of him.

-No.

I'm gonna go get another drink.

- Hey, sure.

Get me one, too, huh?

- Whoa. What are you doing?

- Oh. Sorry.

Didn't see you.

-Can she drink?

- Yeah, she can.

Don't be an a**hole.

-I'm sorry. I'm just teasing.

You have to catch me up

to speed.

Tell me... what happened

with the Christy chick?

- Why does everyone

keep bringing Christy up?

That's ancient history.

- Okay. I'm sorry, man.

I had no idea you guys

weren't together anymore.

Apologies. Please.

Tell me more about this, um...

this Fordham chick who is

drinking all of my good wine.

That's a $100 bottle.

-Oh, well, excuse me.

-How's that food, Jane?

Rob was marinating

those suckers all night.

-It's all right.

- Just because it's

not grilled cheese

doesn't mean it's not good.

- What's the matter

with grilled cheese?

- Nothing... as long

as you don't eat it every day.

Sorry.

Next time, it's a light puree.

-Hey, is that daddy's shirt?

- Yeah, he said I could wear it.

- Oh.

Well, if you want,

you can go hit my closet,

find something dressier.

-No, I like this shirt.

This is dad's writing shirt.

Remember?

I sewed the button back on.

-There it is.

What do you say

we try to go join the party?

We can't really

stay in the kitchen

all night eating all the grub.

-There are a lot of people here.

-Yeah, and they are all nice.

Isn't that right?

- Yeah.

I make a mean Margarita.

Helps me relax.

Makes talking

to all these people easier.

How about I make you one?

- How about we don't?

And she'll just have soda.

- No, I'd like one.

I had a beer with dad

in Cape Cod last summer.

I can answer for myself,

thank you very much.

-Fine.

A little one.

-Got it.

- Jane, you are looking

fabulous tonight.

I am loving that sexy man shirt

on you.

-Whoa. Easy.

- What?

She looks beautiful.

All the guys

are gonna want a piece of you.

-Cynthia, zip it.

-Why don't you zip it?

Maybe I want to turn some heads.

It's none of your business.

- I'm gonna go see if anyone

else wants a Margarita.

- You don't have to stay here

and babysitting me all night,

so how about you just

butt out of it?

- Boo!

- Oh, f***, Jack.

You scared the sh*t out of me,

rob.

-I know.

- Come on.

- Ugh.

Ay-Yi-Yi-Yi.

- Just don't take my lucky.

-Bad influence.

Mm.

Quite the crowd in there.

You should've charged a cover.

-Hmm.

-You look beat.

- I noticed

you brought a plus-one.

Kim from the bar?

-She's not "Kim from the bar."

She's just Kimberly.

Or Kim. She likes Kim.

- Got it.

- By the way, don't let

this sour you on her forever,

but she's currently

in your bathroom vomiting.

-Forever?

That's a big word for you, Jack.

Three whole syllables.

-I didn't mean forever.

I don't know

what the f*** I'm doing here.

-Yeah, well, the party's inside.

Everybody up there... I don't

have anything to say to them.

It's like, what are we supposed

to talk about?

All I'm hearing is people

inviting each other

to dinner parties and weddings.

- You jealous?

- No.

I mean,

I'm not jealous. Maybe...

I feel a little left out.

Does that sound gay?

- Mm.

-I'm trying to be serious.

It's like...

It's like everybody went

and joined the grown-up club,

and it just dawned on me

that I forgot to.

- What are you talking about?

Jack, you're fine.

You're a sous-chef at

a restaurant in New York City.

- Come on.

We got 3h stars on yelp.

-I'm just saying you're fine.

You're... you've got a job...

- Yeah...

- you got Kim.

- That's it.

That's all I have.

My Facebook feed

is just like f***ing clogged

with party photos

and vacation photos

and wedding photos

and baby pictures.

- Yeah. -Everybody I know

is f***ing multiplying.

-Mm-hmm. You want kids?

- No. With overpopulation

and famine and ice caps melting?

No, it's... it's selfish.

Maybe someday,

but that's not the point.

-Well, what is the point?

I'm starting to get cold.

-Everybody...

Is doing something

with their lives.

That's my point.

You, rob... everybody.

And then there's me.

Almost a decade after college,

I'm still single,

I'm still a line cook.

-Hey, sous-chef.

-Exactly.

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