Jason Nash Is Married Page #3

- No, no, remember, I said

that wasn't gonna work out.

NO, WE SOLD ADVENTURE BABY.

I pitched it to my boss.

He loved it, bought it.

It's a go.

- I said "David Fincher, maybe."

- NO, I LIKE ADVENTURE BABY

BETTER AS A TITLE.

DAVID FINCHER, MAYBE?

Like, what is that show about,

you know?

- There is no show, tidal!

- Well, you better come up

with an idea,

BECAUSE YOU JUST SOLD

ADVENTURE BABY.

I love hanging up on somebody

right after

I tell them something.

It gives it more gravitas.

- Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yeah!

Yeah, I sold a show.

Look, it's not so bad

being single.

I mean, who wants to be married?

Who wants to do half of what

they want to do at all times?

I mean, unless you have no legs

or something.

I didn't want to get married.

But all I knew was,

when I wasn't with her,

I was bummed out.

She was that great.

She was that much fun

to be with.

- It's done.

Two tickets to Springsteen,

Friday night, sold out.

We got vip backstage passes.

- She was on your side.

It was the best thing

in the world.

- Excuse me.

- No, it's okay.

- Excuse me.

- It's fine.

- I'm sorry,

my husband was next.

He was just about to pay

for his protein powder.

- This is just gonna take

a second.

- Oh, no, no, I get that,

you know,

all things being equal.

Even when you call ahead,

you still have to wait in line

like a decent

f***ing human being.

- And if she was against you...

- GOOD LORD, Jason,

THAT MUSTACHE IS RIDICULOUS.

- Watch out.

Oh, was that good?

- That was it?

No, that was awful.

- Even when she nagged you,

you sort of liked it,

because out of all the suckers

in the world,

she chose you.

- Can't we just do

something quiet,

like go to a nice restaurant

and look at each other

and talk and eat delicious food

and drink wine?

- Yeah.

We had an unexplainable

connection.

And then all this sh*t happens,

and it goes away.

- So I have a fun little project

for us.

- Oh, cool.

- I got all these architectural

magazines and stuff,

and I thought what we could do

is, go through them

and cut out our favorite tiles

and countertops

and faucets and things like that

for the house,

and you could put what you like,

and I can put what I like,

and then it would be

sort of like

our dream book for the house.

You know, like a dream.

- I'm not into that, you know?

And quite honestly,

it's very superficial.

You know, wanting stuff,

buying stuff.

"I want this. I need that."

I mean, is that really

what it's about, busy?

- I'm sorry

that it's superficial

for me to want to build

a nice life for us together.

- I know, but you wouldn't want

me opinion anyway.

- I do!

- No, you don't.

- That's why I'm asking.

- We've been through this.

You don't like...

and I have no idea.

I don't know how to pick

things out.

I pick stuff out, and you go,

"oh, that's not right."

And I just don't know.

So...

- You can like architecture

and design,

and it doesn't make you not

funny or... like, you know?

Brad pitt is an amazing actor,

and he's super into

architecture.

- God, CAN WE STOP WITH...

Can we stop with talking about

Brad pitt in this house?

I mean, believe me, the guy's...

the guy's got rocks in his head.

Honestly, you know.

- Are you kidding?

- No, I'm not kidding.

He's like a bunch

of yahtzee dice in a cup.

- Do you know that Brad pitt

has almost single-handedly

raised millions and millions

and millions and millions

and millions of dollars

for new Orleans and built...

- that's not hard.

I'm talking about...

I'm talking about brains.

I mean, I'm sure

he's a nice person.

I'm just saying, you know,

intellectually...

- Yeah, intellectually,

I'm sure you have him beat.

- Well, I probably do.

I don't see him on Twitter.

- When you're not just posting

jokes about shitting.

- Well, you know, it's funny.

It's just not my thing.

- Whatever. Fine.

- No, don't be mad.

Don't be mad about it.

I'm not trying to be a jerk.

I'm just telling you the truth.

You don't want...

a dream book?

You want me to spend my time

cutting out

pictures of things

from a magazine

that we may or may not get?

I tried to tell her

that material things

were not gonna make us happy,

that we needed to keep

our relationship simple.

And I get it.

I understand that she wants

certain things.

And I wanted to give it to her.

I wanted to care

how the house was decorated.

But I just didn't.

I owed the government $30,000

and had to come up with

a TV show based on a title.

- OKAY, OKAY, ADVENTURE BABY.

I got this.

- Nice. So you sold a show.

I bet you that burns busy's ass,

right?

Huh? Huh?

Ah-ha, in your face, busy!

Boom.

- Steve, we're not competing

against each other.

- You kind of are.

- Wait, I got it. I got it.

OKAY, OKAY, ADVENTURE BABY,

OKAY?

We stick a baby in the middle

of a mall, right,

and we let it crawl around,

figure its way out.

People bet on it.

ADVENTURE BABY. BOOM!

- Here's one that's better.

Okay, the baby is like

the crocodile hunter,

and every week it's got to kill

different, dangerous animals.

- Why do all your ideas involve

putting the baby in harm's way?

- Hey, it's your title, dude.

- Yeah.

Now in your face, busy.

Boom!

- I got another one.

- Ah, ah!

What are you do...

what are you doing?

- Why would you do that?

That's not funny, scooter.

Not funny at all, you know?

- You should see

the f***ing look on your face.

- You don't go in and grab

somebody's nuts like that.

- Yes, you do.

- You know, man, I'm tired...

I'm tired of you, man.

You come in here,

you mess with me,

and then... and all you do is tell

me really depressing stuff.

- Buddy, I'm not the enemy,

all right?

There's this chick

I've been scoping out for you.

She lives in this building.

- Yeah, I'm really not ready

to start dating anybody,

so I don't want to do that.

- I know you're not.

That's why we're doing it

together.

A little two-on-one action.

You ever barbeque

on the same grill, huh?

Ah...

Ah... Switch!

Not yet. Switch again!

RIGHT?

- I don't know what's going on

in that scenario,

but, um, I just... I wouldn't be

into something with another guy.

- What?

Dude,

you should talk to someone.

You know, like a therapist.

- Okay, I need to talk

to a therapist.

- Yeah.

- Okay, sure.

- All right. F***ing weirdo.

- I...

- See you later.

- I sit with you

and feel

that I should feel...

- Hey, on Thursday, I want you

to come to my therapist with me.

Really, I just want you to meet

Dr. Glenn.

- You want me to go somewhere

where you've been going

for the last two years,

building a case against me,

and go in there

and face an ambush?

Is that what you want me to do?

- Really?

I thought you were more evolved

than that.

Come on.

Fine. Just forget it.

- So I'm here, and, uh...

- So, Jason, busy tells me that

you might have some reservations

about therapy,

and I want you to know

that I am going to be impartial,

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