Jebiga Page #2

Year:
2000
20 Views


The boss said no credit.

The boss said no credit,

the boss said no credit.

F*** you.

Hey, you got anything?

- No, otherwise I'd give you some.

I've just started working,

right?

So, do you think after

you've been working for a while,

you'll have some, or what?

- I'm gonna change the world.

Or I'll be a star.

We'd better go.

That's the last beer

I'll get on credit.

So can I drink it in peace?

Please?

Hey, give us a swig;

it's so hot.

It's boring; if there was

some paedophile jerking off,

we could at least take a picture.

Can you imagine the headline:

Dick Watches Children.

Would that be over the top?

Do you want to go home?

But you could censor it, so it

wouldn't be too outrageous.

Those black strips,

you know.

It's so hot.

- It's not that bad.

When I get a car

I'll have air-conditioning.

Why don't you have air-conditioning?

- Why don't you have a car?

Slow down, will you?

- I can't; they're following us.

What, who? -I don't know.

Montenegrin mafia.

They heard you're

looking for an interview.

Are you pulling my plonker?

I see, that's your style.

Every photographer's got his

style. Right. I'll remember.

Good morning; papers.

- Don't do that.

I could get a heart attack.

Representatives of the press,

have we earned anything?

Nothing. But we discovered

a primary drug.

It's for free and it totally works.

- Oh, come on.

Take care of the bag.

The bag, the bag.

You thieving prick. OK, we all

steal a bit, if we are in need.

But you aren't in need:

2000, 2700 tolars.

What's this?

You ain't in need at all.

Don't take the smack.

Please.

You're really not in need

and you steal.

Please, don't take

the smack.

Come on d*ckhead

you didn't have to start this,

but a guy makes

his living out of that bag.

Come on

leave him the smack,

so he doesn't start

killing grandmas.

Forget it, we've got every

moral right to take eveything.

OK, I'll leave the needles.

He's got everything and he steals.

We've won.

So, confiscation.

Did you get a picture?

I could do a great article:

"What are the police doing?"

He didn't seem very photogenic.

Anyway, I told you

to take care of my bag.

Yeah, well, I just wanted

to turn around a bit, too.

Don't you get used to it.

This is dangerous.

Yeah, well, you could've taken

a picture of how I...

Great action.

- Bastards!

It's a pity there's no duck,

I would've given it some bread.

Right, it's so boring.

This is supposed to be a river

that runs through the capital.

Crap. Where are the boats,

where are the ships?

Everywhere they have boats

and ships, tourism, the sights,

London, Paris, Amsterdam,

Belgrade, swimming, hotels,

restaurants, mixed grill,

striptease.

We cretins have only got

a bit of crap here and there.

Floating.

Yeah, there aren't even

any ducks.

There could be

a bit more life here.

That would be real crap.

Well, right away you'd find

some d*ckhead on a scooter

and that would be

a be real party, right?

Oh, you'd better imitate

those cicadas or whatever.

Crickets.

OK, seaside snapshot.

Potatoes, mulled wine with

basil, and next to it,

a nice little trout.

Sorry to be annoying,

but the trout is a freshwater fish.

A sea fish would be like,

like the sardine.

You must've seen that

On a can.

So how do you know

so much about animals?

You got a book or what?

Nature's OK.

Except some beetles.

Now everything's itchy already.

There must be

mosquitoes here.

Imitate a cicada: maybe

mosquitoes are afraid of them.

Crickets.

- OK, crickets.

Maybe mosquitoes

are afraid of them.

What do you think, Mr Expert?

Are they or are they not

afraid of crickets?

I wouldn't know.

Yeah, right. Nature.

You never know.

Would it be great to rev up

a scooter here, or what?

OK, or with a motorboat, you

wouldn't row in this heat, right?

A motorboat, and you can go

slow, look at all the chicks

sunbathing, and jerk off.

Where the f*** do you see

any chicks?

Hey, look at him. Wake up,

speak. What's up, man?

Why are you shaking?

My head's jumping. Hey, have we

got anymore of that stuff

we confiscated

from that jerk?

Here it is, I don't want any.

We could sell it to some kid

but my heart won't let me.

I'm too soft, for f***'s sake.

What do you mean,

your head is jumping?

That's complicated, my friend.

I see everything

from every angle.

I don't get it, I have to admit,

but it sounds interesting.

But don't say then

that I'm all f***ed up.

Look, it's really like this:

the moment he says,

let's say, a boat,

I see the boat, you see?

But the moment I look there,

I see us sitting here,

or if I look there,

the same happens.

I really do see

everything from the back.

That's f***ing crazy,

because my head's

already on fire.

But I hear everything, too,

you see, everything,

totally mixed up, mess.

It's getting

harder and harder, man.

But only if I'm straight.

If I get really drunk, I mean,

really, then it's fine. Really.

Then I don't see anything.

I see nothing from the left,

from the right, nothing, fog.

Can you see

into the future, too?

No, now. Today and all.

- I'm interested in the future.

Hey, what about if I say tits,

what do you see then?

Well, tits.

I'm not sure if I quite get this,

but it sounds f***ed up.

I mean, I don't see anything,

even if I'm straight.

Not left, not right,

not diagonally, not...

Don't worry, man. Hey,

does anybody know how to do this?

Yeah. Roll up a banknote

and sniff it up your nose.

Let me try again.

- Hey, hey, don't you even dare.

Hey, can anyone lend me

a banknote?

We already split them all.

- I've got two coins.

Well, it could be worse.

What I could see from each side,

that was all right.

The worst is when you start

to think from every angle,

from each side and that.

Then it starts. Every single

simple thing gets complicated.

Like?

Like, wait,

I have to remember,

Like... like...

Like... -Forget it.

So what's the plan today?

Convalescence, health

recovery, a break, etc.

I was thinking of work.

We could go and find a prostitute.

'"Prostitution... "'

- We have a day off.

You're not serious.

Could you bring me a... -Nothing.

Hiya.

- Hiya.

Hey, mate, can you

take us to the car? -What car?

My car. -Why would I take

all of you to your car?

Why wouldn't I just take

you, since it's your car?

Because it will be easier

to find it. We sort of lost it.

More heads see more,

you know.

So you lost your car;

that's interesting.

Just outside town.

- Close?

Really close,

pretty close.

What were you doing

just outside town?

Don't complicate; we were

walking for three hours;

well, two; you know

walking's such a drag.

We were looking for a pub

that was still open.

Did you find one?

- Of course, we're not idiots.

Did they give you anything?

- Thank God they didn't.

Even without it we skidded off

the road. -Who was driving?

And then you skidded

into a ditch.

It was so dark, man

you know.

In that situation

you switch the lights on.

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Miha Hocevar

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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