Jebiga Page #3

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Even a car like yours

probably has some.

My dear quiet friends,

you stay here,

you won't be any help,

while we go after the missing car.

Staying with you is a young

journalist, who would just be

in the way with his advice.

He'll watch over you.

Better than my bag last night.

If you're bored, you can talk.

We are going for a drive

in the sun, because we're cold.

Left or right?

- I wouldn't know.

Left, left, we went left;

go left, definitely, go left.

Hey, what if you told me

your life stoy. It's boring,

so let's do an interview.

Hey, now you've got a chance

to tell the whole world

what bothers you.

Do you know who

you remind me of?

Of those guys in the movies

who are not happy

and keep staring

in front of themselves.

F*** it.

- Ha, gotchya.

Congratulations,

you stalled it.

That cow won't be suckling

any more calves.

You sure it won't get up

and chase us around?

Wait, till I buy myself a tractor,

neighbour, then I'll catch you.

Oh you juicy, juicy,

slimy c*nt.

Let's go home.

This is not good.

Look, man, how those udders

hang down, and we drink that.

It's so huge. Do you know

how much meat that is?

How much

is a kilo of beef?

I reckon that's at least

three hundred kilos.

What do you think, Jaka?

Three hundred, four?

I wouldn't know.

- You could make it

into one big hamburger,

make tons of cash.

Let's put it

on the top of the car,

take it to some bent butcher,

loads of money, total business.

Go on, you lift it.

You are the strong one.

F***, that's gonna be hard;

maybe we should cut it up first.

But that would be a f***-up;

blood and everything.

You'd get in a real mess.

F***.

We forgot about you.

Where did we pick you up?

Hey lads, where are we,

what's going on?

Look at that cow;

is it asleep or what?

Actually, no. -Hey, guys,

have you heard this one?

What's the difference between

a normal cow and a mad cow?

A normal cow goes:

MOO MOO MOO.

A mad cow goes:

moomoo haha moomoo haha.

So now

you're going to laugh?

Now you're going to laugh,

you're going to make fun?

I think the beef business

fell through. Let's get out of here.

Yeah, it doesn't look

too good.

He could be quite dangerous

with that rake.

It's a fork.

That's even worse. Let's go.

Does it still look funny now?

Shitty slickers, hippy fucks.

I'll get you. I swear on this

necklace, on this cross.

I lost my chain.

My christening chain.

F***ing junky parasites.

I'll get you, I'll get you.

Now what?

We're picking some maize

to eat, as there's no meat.

I just don't know

how we'll get over that ditch.

Some guy comes along

that you don't like at all,

and it turns out he's the

boyfriend of a girl

that you really like.

That's a tragedy.

Do you feel as though

you were paralysed?

I am, completely paralysed.

You hold it too close to the fire.

- Oh yeah...

Before you stands an expert

with years of practise.

Sure; men are always experts.

I really don't know why

we say men and women.

It would be better to say

experts and women.

Is this all right?

Perfect, now you just turn

it slowly. No panic, though.

Cow murderers, that's not

nice, a great sin.

I think we should

atone and repent,

right the wrong somehow.

The main thing is you should

do something worthy, good.

Don't start.

What do you want us to do,

buy another cow, or what?

Do you know how much that is? That's

five or six hundred kilos of meat.

Anyway, what's a cow doing

walking all over the road?

By the road. That's different. -I

wasn't thinking of anything like that.

Some small good deed.

Buy a round, help some

poor folk across the road.

The gesture is what counts,

the good intention.

Or you'll feel bad for the rest

of your lives; that's what I'm trying

to tell you.

- The round idea's all right.

But you don't have any money.

- Money isn't everything.

I don't have any bad feelings;

I'm going home to f*** Baza.

Hello, good afternoon.

I need the number

of Zdenka shop

at the end of Rome Street.

Thank you.

Five minutes.

Hello.

- Good afternoon.

I'm calling from

the Patos company.

We have a great prize

for shop assistants.

Are you alone in the shop?

- No, there are two of us.

Why don't you call

your colleague?

Mojca, it's a game.

So listen, don't be nervous,

for just a few more moments.

The questions are easy,

the prizes really great.

Two weekend packages

for two in the Hotel Solarium.

Children free

if you have any.

The hotel is air-conditioned

and right on the beach.

Well, as I mentioned

the beach, part of the prize

is a beach towel, a nice packet

of sun creams SPF 12,

and an inflatable pillow in this

season's trendy colours.

And that's not all. You also get

two free tickets to the casino

where you're sure

to have a lovely time.

And what is the prize question?

We'll be coming to the prize

question any moment now.

In Zmavc pub

we changed it for cold one.

You know what commission

I had to give to that pig waiter?

Three cans, three cans

of beer for doing nothing.

Hiya, mate. Can you do me

a favour? Baza's coming.

We agreed to meet, only

I have something urgent to do.

Tell her I'll be back

in ten minutes, OK? -OK.

Hi. -Hi. Your bloke

was here.

He said he had some serious

business to do; he'll be back

in two or three hours,

and you should wait.

I have to wait three hours.

Typical.

He said he'd take me home.

Oh well, I'll walk.

Shall I take you?

- No, I don't mind walking a bit.

So I'll walk you.

- Yeah, but it's a long way.

Then we'd better go

right away.

Who can stand your noise,

who can stand your noise?

Every day. Who can put up

with your shouting all day?

Who can stand listening

to you all day long?

Could I have

five minutes of peace?

Some people are working,

if you didn't know.

What are you

looking at me for?

What are you looking

at me for like a creampuff?

Come here, you bloody dwarf,

and you'll play the ball

while I box your ears.

Yeah, yeah. Who's the man now,

who's the man, I ask?

Whose ball is it,

whose ball is it?

Go and get your father,

send him upstairs to me

and we can have a little talk

about raising kids and football.

Fekonja, seventh floor,

that block.

When I was a kid we played

football in the woods, not here.

Yeah, you little brats.

Bloody hell, can I sleep

for half an hour or not?

Go and fetch your father,

I told you.

Don't you get it:

I work from six till two,

and so I want a bit of peace

and quiet when I get home.

Can I have it?

Yes, thank you.

What are you

grinning at now?

What are you grinning at?

You think I'm funny; I didn't know.

Can I ask you something?

Where did you find that idiot?

At high school.

I was a real difficult kid then.

I f***ed anyone I fancied.

Was sixteen and all that.

My parents went mad.

Once Dejan was at my place

and my dad grabbed him.

Dejan stood up, like that,

and pouf, down went my dad.

Is it forever?

- For the time being.

Then he just took me away.

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