Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map Page #8

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"Eh, eh, eh, eh. Do not question, Jacques. It's not always hot in France?"

Jeff Dunham:
No.

"****, ok. Let's just say for the sake of the joke, Francais is always hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, like a desert up. Yes, you've been there before? Yes there are pyramids, sand."

"Silence! (French: I keel you)"

Jeff Dunham:
What was that?

"I know French."

Jeff Dunham:
So explain what you do for a living.

"I am a freche terrorist"

Jeff Dunham:
A French terrorist?

"Oui, oui."

Jeff Dunham:
So you strongly agree?

"No, i have to go wee, wee. It's not funny. Silence! (French: I keel you)."

Jeff Dunham:
I thought French was know as the language of love.

"Oui, oui. I love to blow up ****."

Jeff Dunham:
Let me get something straight. You're the brother of the other guy who was supposed to be here.

"Do not say his name, or we are both in giant trouble. Those guys are here."

Jeff Dunham:
Dear Achmed, what is your favorite Malaysian food?

(Bad oohs)

"It has been nice knowing you."

"Kumbaya..."

Jeff Dunham:
Dear terrorist...

"That's not what you said the first time."

"When the show is done, run."

Jeff Dunham:
Someone named Spring. Dear terrorist, if you were given the chance again to be human, would you?

"I am not human?"

Jeff Dunham:
Not anymore.

"No?"

Jeff Dunham:
Do you know what that makes you?

"A politician?"

"But the ministry is a lovely group of people."

Jeff Dunham:
You guys have been just awesome. Thanks KL. We'll see you. Good night!

(USA)

Jeff Dunham:
So we've been all over the globe and I wanted to end this special in the place that's most important to me. How could we not? It's not a fancy stage. In fact, a lot of the audience is sitting in the mud.

It's been raining. They're sitting in the grass. But here we are in the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Here we are at Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam.

Jeff Dunham:
Here's a toast to Ireland. Our trip here, our friends, our lost luggage, and the same underwear three days in a row.

"Welcome to the devil's area."

Jeff Dunham:
The devil's Area? Why call it the devil's area?"

"The devil's area because that there are babies about 3 to 5 months old so everything they get, they liked to chew on a little bit, but we'll try to make sure you come back in one piece."

Jeff Dunham:
Well were on the mount of olives in Jerusalem and these guys cornered me because i did something wrong.

"Something like that."

Jeff Dunham:
So Niel, when you come to buy things here, nothing really is full price, you supposed to haggle a little bit?

"Well you should."

Jeff Dunham:
We'll try again.

"Cut."

Rothpan:
So on the customs form, like where it says have you been to a farm 14 days-

Jeff Dunham:
Oh no no no, don't put that you went to a farm, no i don't care if you been milking cows and shoveling poop and old McDonald shows the back 40 you don't put- no. They will detain your ass.

Rothpan:
For a farm?

Jeff Dunham:
For a farm, yeah this is not the Marines, if you get detained your left behind.

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