Jeff Ross Roasts the Border: Live from Brownsville, Texas Page #5

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The Muslim ban feels

immoral to me.

It feels un-American to ban

people from six different

Muslim countries.

You know, you can't...

if you ban...

It would be so bad

for the economy

to ban all the people from Iran

and Syria and Yemen.

That's a trillion dollars

in laser hair removal

down the drain.

Many people come over the border

because they're

escaping political

or religious

persecution back home.

I went to a shelter

to see what it's like

to live like a refugee.

Ross:
How do people find

this place if they need it?

Generally, they all find us

in immigration

detention centers.

So when people

come to the border

and they ask for asylum,

they immediately

get put in prison.

And they're there

for anywhere from 3 months

to a year and a half or so.

We take people

to their immigration hearings.

We take people

to their ICE check-ins,

and ICE actually

releases people to us.

So, an ICE's van will pull

up here and deliver someone?

Yeah. They do. They'll drop

people off in chains.

Yeah.

So here's one of our bedrooms.

Knock, knock.

You're braiding hair.

Can you do me next?

[ Laughter ]

No. Wow.

One, two, three, four,

six beds in here, huh?

Yeah. Yeah It's pretty tight.

How you doing? I'm Jeff.

Nice to meet you. Where

are you ladies from?

Nice. From Ethiopia.

And these guys, the four

of them all came

from immigration

detention centers.

Wow. Why prison?

It's just criminal to come

and try to just come here?

You didn't try to sneak in?

You try to just come, right?

Yeah. They just

came to the border

and asked for refugee status.

Where are you ladies from?

Eritrea? Why did you ladies

leave Eritrea to come here?

Yeah.

The pastors are all in prison?

Yes.

How did you get out?

But did you have to escape?

Long:
Yeah. They shoot you

if they catch you leaving.

So brave.

I get so scared to get

out of my regular comfort zone,

and if someone told me I had

to escape from my country,

I don't know what I would do.

Are you religious, ladies?

Yeah. They're

all very religious.

What religion,

if you don't mind?

Christian Orthodox.

Wow.

How about you, Pamela?

What's your religion?

Everybody understands me.

It's amazing.

I'm so impressed.

You learn the English here.

Yeah. Most of the Africans

speak a lot of languages.

How many do you guys speak?

Whoa. Slow down. Slow down.

Arabic, Italian...

Spanish? English.

You should be a teacher.

Was it hard to come here?

Was it scary?

Before Ethiopia through Sudan.

After Sudan, Libya.

After Libya, Italy.

Wow... After in Italy, Spanish.

Spain. After Spain, Mexico.

After Mexico, here.

You must have a lot

of frequent flyer miles.

Yes.

Ross:
All these women have jobs,

so when people talk

about banning refugees,

that includes ladies like these,

hard-working people

who would make fine citizens.

What a blessing this place is.

When I was researching

this show, I met two women

in a safe house in Texas, here,

they were from a country

called Eritrea,

a country I had never

heard of before.

They were escaping terrible

violence and oppression,

and, you know, I felt

for those women,

and they're coming to America

because we're doing so well here

with equal rights,

and human rights.

But we're not going all the way.

Like, if I was in charge,

men wouldn't even vote on

women's health

and reproductive issues.

I think -- [

Scattered cheering ]

I think

that's a ladies-only topic.

You know, I don't think

men can tell women

what to do with your bodies.

It doesn't even work

when we try to tell you

what to do with our bodies.

Personally, I'm not

pro-life or pro-choice.

I'm pro- "you-take-care-of-it."

I want to try speed-roasting

some volunteers from the crowd.

Speed roasting, it's kind

of like extreme vetting.

You can't point

to somebody, sir.

That's bullying.

That's bullying.

You can't do that.

You can't do that. All right.

Everybody move

up to the front here.

Give it up for my volunteers

for coming out.

[ Applause ]

Look at this guy.

How you doing, bud?

Pretty good. What's your name?

Erasmo Castro.

I'm running for City

Commissioner

for the city of Brownsville,

so get out and vote.

Whoo!

Wow. Really?

They let homeless people

in the government?

Really?

You're running

for City Commissioner?

You're the size

of your own sanctuary city.

Holy mackerel.

Well, good luck to you, buddy.

All right. My abuela?

Is this my abuela?

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

What's going on? How you doing?

What's that?

My daughter wanted

you to roast me?

Really? I don't

want to roast you.

I want to put my pinky

in your butt.

[ Laughter, applause ]

I love sexy, older

Mexican women.

What do you do?

I used to be an office

manager and now I'm retired.

Oh, that's nice.

Do you like being retired.

Do you like having your pinky

in my butt right now?

Feels really good.

I hope so.

Good.

Hang out for a second.

Maybe you could give some advice

to this young gringa right here.

[ Inaudible ]

Holy sh*t.

Is this a photo negative?

What do you do?

I'm a lawyer.

Holy mackerel. A lawyer.

Steve, another lawyer.

You've got some competition.

This is my friend, Steve.

He's a local immigration lawyer.

Criminal. Criminal lawyer.

This is my buddy, Steve.

You heard of ambulance-chaser?

He's a raft-chaser over here.

So you're a lawyer and you

live down here, huh?

Born and raised

in the Valley, yeah.

And you're so bilingual.

Is that because you're

raised here?

I'm second generation

Mexican-American.

Yes. I'm learning.

I'm learning about how it

all works and stuff like that.

So even though you look

like you're from Norway...

You're actually a second

generation Mexican-American.

We all come in different

colors and shapes and sizes.

You come in like,

three of your own right here.

Damn.

You look super cute. Do

you have a boyfriend?

No. I'm singleas [Bleep]!

Single as [Bleep].

Do you want to meet my abuela?

She'll look out for me.

I know she would.

She can hold the camera

if you want.

Whatever you want to do.

It's all fine.

I need a lawyer in my life.

I need a lawyer in my life.

Where are we at, Steve?

Steve's a local

immigration attorney.

He helps a lot of people

out here, and, you know,

he does very well mostly

just bailing his brothers

out of jail.

But...

Why do you love

being an attorney

and helping people out,

trying to come into America?

Why do you love it?

Because everybody is afraid

of the Border Patrol

coming to their house,

what are we going to do?

Blah, blah, blah.

But when you let them

know, you know what,

you have a right not

to say anything.

You have a right to not

let them in your house,

and stuff like that,

that empowers them

and it makes them feel better.

And, in turn, I feel

better because of that.

Every single case

is different, right?

Everyone's case is unique,

but every case has

the same ending, right?

"That'll be $800."

[ Laughter ]

What's up, Tony? How

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