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Jersey Shore Massacre Page #3
for the Jersey Devil.
What can you tell us
about the...
creepy people living
in the Pine Barrens,
like cannibals,
called Pineys?
Well, there are people
that live around here.
who are all inbred,
illiterate,
and very hostile
towards outsiders,
living just about
a mile down the road.
Now that's creepy.
Hey, Junior?
Mm-hmm?
Where do you live?
'Bout a mile
down the road.
Now, believe it or not,
the Jersey Devil
was the 13th child
of a woman named Deborah Leeds
who emigrated
from London, England
here to the New Jersey
Pine Barrens in the 1700s.
Moving here from London
and all,
was she able
to learn English?
That's a pretty good
question.
I'll have to
get back to you on that.
But anyway, during
a very difficult
and painful labor,
Mrs. Leeds
invoked the devil.
And when the baby was born,
it immediately grew into
a full-grown winged devil!
And then escaped
from the house
out into
these Pine Barrens.
Ohh!
Who keeps
hitting my ass?
No touching.
Ugh...
that's disgusting.
There are have been hundreds
of Devil sightings
throughout the years.
like us.
There are six of them
and three of us,
so you know
what that means?
Oh, my God.
This could be the greatest
night of our lives!
Shh-- let's try
to keep them scared,
so that they cling on to us
for safety, and then...
Back to the RV!
Exactly!
This is gonna be
so amazing!
...one in 1909
by Councilman Wheaton,
outside his bedroom window
one night,
and then the next morning,
found large, cloven
footprints in the snow.
Hi.
Uh, m-my name is Henry.
Uh, what's yours?
Joanne.
Oh, nice to meet you.
Um, are you girls headed
to the Sci-Fi Expo in DC?
Uh, if so, we could
all go together.
Are you serious?
Sure, uh...
We even have a DVD player,
a microwave,
and a queen-sized bed.
Val, wait until
you hear this.
Cool!
I think she's going
to get all her friends
to come along also.
Try to keep them
scared.
Okay, okay.
Hundreds of people have heard
the Jersey Devil
rampaging through
Or making
blood-curdling cries.
Some call it
the Leeds Devil.
Some call it the Wozzle Bug.
And others call it
the Hoodle-Doodle Bird.
Either way, no one comes
out here alone at night.
Oh, God, I'm really
feeling scared.
I want to get
out of here.
What are you
worried about?
I feel like we're
being watched,
and I'm starting
to freak out a little.
Yeah, you guys,
I wanna go back.
Why don't you girls give us
your-- your email addresses
so we can put it
on our phones now?
Sure...
Uh, it's getalife...
Getalife...
at...
yougottabefuckingkiddingme.com.
What's with
the mixed messages?
I don't know.
we meet has the same problem.
Help!
Oh, damn!
Oh, my God, somebody
give me their belt!
I gotta make
a tourniquet!
Oh, my God!
Oh!
Welcome to the country,
girls.
You kidding me?
We're getting the f***
outta here!
That was so uncalled for!
Let me go!
Come on, don't be upset.
It was all in fun.
F-U-N, fun.
No, it's stupidity.
S-T-U... pidity!
Are you okay, Val?
I want to
get outta here.
I don't like
being scared.
Let's go.
Hey, later, girls.
Yeah, that's
f***ing great, man.
Argh...
Hey, you ready, Gigi?
No... you guys
go ahead.
Mike's gonna come
pick me up later.
I really need
to see him tonight.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure about this?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Okay, I'll see you tonight.
Bye.
She's ditching us for
that loser again, isn't she?
She seems to love him,
so let her do what she wants.
I don't buy that--
I think Michael
just knows how
to manipulate Gigi.
He turns her into, like,
Yeah, kind of like
Stockholder Syndrome
or something.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, b*tches,
you want some pound cake?
Oh, yeah,
I'll take some.
I can't even
look at that.
Are you dieting, Val?
I'm going to.
I just took five
laxatives last night
to help get my stomach down
for the weekend.
Oh, my God.
That really isn't
good for you, you know.
Ugh, well, I don't wanna
look like a stuffed sausage
all weekend either.
Sure you don't want some?
No.
You're just gonna
sh*t it out anyway.
No...
I wanna have a six pack
for the yum yums.
Yum yums.
Yum yum yums!
It's hot as f***
in here.
Daddy!
Wow,
a jellyfish!
Don't touch that.
You could get stung
very badly by it.
Ouchie.
Yeah, ouchie.
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
That took me all morning
to build!
Well, build it
somewhere else.
The thing just made me
drop the ball.
Are you kidding me?
You have the entire beach
to play on!
Because the people
is over there,
and if we play over there,
no one's gonna be able
to see us right there.
So why don't you pick up
all your sand and move it?
Over there!
You feeling me?
And take your f*ggot-ass pail
and shovel with you.
Oww...
Ouchie.
What you looking at?
There's no
f***ing parking.
Well, if you
didn't make us late,
we would have been here
two hours ago.
F*** you, Joanne.
Can you both
please stop it now?
Stay the f*** outta this,
Valerie.
Yeah, shut the f*** up,
Valerie.
Don't tell her
to shut the f*** up.
Who the f*** are you?
Bunch of pains
in the asses.
All right, guys,
calm down.
We're already here.
Ah, there's a space.
Give me
the handicapped pass
in the glove compartment,
just in case.
We're not disabled.
Just limp a little
when you walk out.
Ready?
Whoo!
Here we are.
Whoo!
I was dying for one
of these corndogs.
Me too.
Me three.
Hey, what about
your diet?
I don't wanna
starve to death.
Why don't we set up
over here?
No...
Yo, throw the ball!
Hyuh!
Freddy, you a**hole!
Ooh la la!
Let's go, girls!
Come on!
Let me out!
Uhh!
Gigi, get over here!
I'm not done
with you yet!
Well, I'm done with you,
Michael,
and if you know
what's good for you,
get your ass off Teresa's
uncle's property.
Gigi-- you little b*tch,
get over here!
You know what,
I'm done with you!
Stop following me, Michael!
I have to tell you,
Tre...
Despite the mix-up
with the house,
I think this is gonna
be a really good weekend.
No, please, please!
Help me!
No, stop, please!
Stop, let me go!
Please!
And if not for you,
we would have had
to have turned back yesterday
and miss all of this.
No, no, no!
Thank you.
You don't have
to thank me.
We're all
in the same boat.
That didn't take long.
No, it didn't.
Impressive,
I have to say.
We gotta step up
our game.
Ah, ow!
God.
Teresa and Dina...
This is... Tony, Joey,
Gino, Vinnie,
and Freddy.
Hi.
Hi...
Oh, wow.
What is that?
It's a mime.
A what?
What is he doing?
Why is he
wearing that?
Dude, there's
no window there.
He's just pretendin',
Tony!
Ohh...
He is cute.
I don't get it, either.
Oh! Aww...
Now he's hitting on her.
Now get the f***
outta here, Bozo.
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"Jersey Shore Massacre" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jersey_shore_massacre_11246>.
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