Jersey Shore Massacre Page #4

He's doing you, Gino!

Gino, that's you.

You gonna take that,

Gino?

Yo...

Yeah, keep going.

Really?

Yeah.

One punch!

Good night, motherf***er!

Now get the f***

outta here...

A**hole!

...before I throws you

a real beatin'!

Whoo!

Who's going in

the water with me?

I am, let's go!

Yo, Gino,

go out for a pass.

Hey, wanna

catch some crabs?

Hey, we're going

to the Barnacle Club later

if you guys wanna come.

There's something

so relaxing,

you know, and elegant

about the beach.

You know what I mean?

I just love the fresh air.

Mmm.

Those guys were kinda hot,

don't you think?

They were definitely

hot for you.

Ooh, yum yum yum.

Oh, my God!

What?

Oh, I have to go!

Go where?

Uh, the laxatives

are kicking in.

I have to go to the bathroom

right now!

Oh, my God, oh, quick,

run up to the boardwalk

and find a restroom!

Aah! Aah!

Get out of the way!

What?

I gotta go!

Oh, my God!

Oh... my...

God.

Ohh.

Eww...

Ohh.

Look, Daddy,

sea shells.

Come on, Valerie.

We've gotta get ready

for tonight!

Hey, you got

any more corndogs?

Poopy.

All right, we got dollar

Jersey Devil shots

for the next two minutes,

so go to the bar

and get you some!

Here's to the king.

What king?

Fuc-king!

Fuc-king!

Oh.

So, fellas, who's gonna

pay for all these drinks?

He is.

He is.

You are.

You are.

I'm paying for the cab.

I always

pay for the cab!

No, you pay

for the drinks.

Hey, you watch

yourself there.

You gotta be faster than

that to stay in the ring

with the Staten Island

Stallion, puh-puh-puh!

Man, you got it

all wrong.

If you weren't my boy,

you wouldn't even make it

to the ring.

Pa-pow!

End of story,

motherf***er.

Who's next?

Bullshit!

You never popped

nothing.

How the f***

do you know?

'Cause I've known you

since we were 12,

and you have such

a big f***ing mouth that

half of Staten Island

would have known about it.

There would have been

billboards along the highway

saying, "Gino Digideo

whacked some dude.

Paid for by Gino Digideo."

I like it.

I like it.

Yeah, let's do

some more shots, buddy.

Let's get some more--

which ones?

Ohh!

What the f***?

I'll tell you

what the f***.

That's for drugging and raping

my friend Tammy last week,

you f***ing dirty scumbag.

Yo, I don't even know

what you're talking about.

Yes, you do,

and two other people

saw you drop a f***ing

pill in her drink.

Yo, that b*tch was DTF,

so get the f*** outta my face

before I smack your mouth.

I bet you would,

you f***ing dirty scumbag.

Get the f*** out of here,

you slut.

You can't do that

in here, come on.

You're out.

Get off of me!

Bye-bye,

you little twat.

Peace!

Works every time.

Yo, bro, we gotta get

another bottle of that sh*t.

All right, my guy's

coming in next week.

I'll get a shitload.

Hello.

How you doing?

If I was you,

I'd be stalking me too.

Oh... well, let's have

a couple more drinks

and see

who's stalking who.

After you.

Thank you.

Right now, I'm just

working on my demo,

trying to get signed to a label,

you know what I'm saying?

Get a label.

What the f*** are you

laughing at, Dominic?

Look at you, kid.

Who we kidding?

You can't sing,

you can't rap.

You can't even play

a God damn instrument.

How the hell is a record

company gonna sign you?

'Cause I'm

that f***ing down!

Besides, what the f***

do you know about records?

You're just a part-time manager

at a nightclub.

If I need the urinals

or some sh*t cleaned,

I'll give you a call.

You don't know

who the hell I am.

That's the point.

We don't know

who the f*** you are,

and nobody else does either.

I'll be back.

So, I was just down

in the ladies' room,

and it's, like, totally

empty down there.

Like, two people

could totally have sex

and no one would know,

but...

that-- that would

be wrong, right?

Oh, no.

Yo, yo, yo, for the first time

in over two decades,

give it up

for the one, the only,

Jersey's own Italian Ice!

Hey yo!

New Jersey, make some

motherfucking noise!

Come on!

Kick it, DJ!

Let's roll

We're about to get nice

With the one,

the only

No phony, Italian Ice

What the f***

is Italian Ice?

I got more fans

than the Mona Lisa

When the ladies see me,

they all scream nice

Everybody wants

some Italian Ice

"Italian Ice.

"Born Dominic DiLallo in 1966.

Had a minor regional hit

in 1991 called 'Melt.'"

I'll make you melt

Melt, ooh, ooh

Melt all over my face,

yeah

"But he's best known

for his unsuccessful lawsuit

against Vanilla Ice

for stealing his career."

Melt all over

my face, yeah

Hey, Freddy,

that's you in 20 years.

"Ha ha ha ha"--

screw you!

I'm Italian Ice

Yo, DJ, get nice

I've got such bad

butt cringe,

I think my ass

is gonna crack in half.

New Jersey,

Italian Ice is back!

Yeah!

Suck my balls,

Vanilla Ice.

Stupid douche.

What the f*** are you

looking at, b*tch?

Oh, yeah!

Ohh!

Security to the dance floor,

please.

Sh*t!

No, no, no.

No!

No, no, no, no, no!

Hey...

Get the f***

off of me!

Hey, all right!

F*** the police!

F*** the police!

Hey, come on, come on.

Hey, youse is all

suspended from the club

for the rest of the summer.

But they started it!

Yeah, but you threw

your drink at her.

It spilled!

Ah, get the f***

outta here.

Motherf***er!

We can't go out like this,

so let's just go back

to the house.

Hey.

F*** it.

Hey, where youse goin'?

Back to our house--

you coming?

Yeah, we're going.

Yeah, we're going.

Just follow us.

Come on.

Let's have

some fun now!

How many times have you been

banned from this club before?

Ah, I've been banned,

like, three times.

Three times--

no way!

Shh! Shh...

Shh.

What the hell was that?

Someone's in the house.

What?

Who the hell are you?

I'm Rosemarie!

Val's cousin.

Rosemarie!

Valerie, there you are!

Everyone, this

is Rosemarie, my cousin.

I texted her

the address this morning.

I forgot to tell you.

Thanks.

Uh, how did you

get in here?

The sliding glass door

was unlocked,

so I just came in

and made me some dinner.

Oh, God, was I starving.

By the way, you're

gonna need some more

Super Fudge ice cream

and beef jerky.

Yo, this place

is f***in' hooked!

A little out of the way,

but hooked.

What happened

to Gigi?

She should have

been back here by now.

Maybe Rosemarie

ate her.

Watch it,

that's my cousin.

Where do you

keep the liquor?

Screw that,

where's the food?

I'll nuke some

fried chicken.

He's hungry.

Yes!

"Fat Camp Massacre!"

This is supposed to be

the best movie ever!

Oh, yeah, yeah, put it on.

Hey, I want a leg!

I want breast!

I just want

a piece of ass!

Aah!

Ooh...

Oh, yeah...

Roger.

Roger!

Roger!

I smell pizza.

I told you already.

Stop thinking about food,

and go back to sleep, Keith.

If they catch you eating

at night one more time,

they're gonna

kick you out.

I don't care about that.

I smell pizza,

I'm starving--

I'm gonna find it.

Cupcake!

Ohh, I finally

found you, cupcake.

Mmm...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes