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Jersey Shore Massacre Page #5
Now where's
that f***ing pizza?
I'm starving!
Pizza!
Oh, my leg!
I wouldn't mind being
stuck in a bear trap
alone in the woods
if it was with you.
Ooh, who needs
a bear trap
when I have handcuffs
in my bedroom,
you sexy little ape, you?
You little freak!
Uh-huh.
Uhh!
Oh, my God!
Bye!
Whoo!
Later, boys.
Who are you?
I'm Cupcake the Clown.
And you just ate my cupcake.
So now it's time to cut a few
calories the old-fashioned way!
Get me outta here,
Mister.
Come on,
get me outta here!
Certainly.
I'd smack that clown
so f***ing hard,
he'd be begging me
to stop.
Where are you taking me,
you big ape?
To the bedroom.
We just passed it.
Put me down!
So... do you
have a girlfriend?
No, sweet tits.
I don't get burned
like that.
So why don't you
do me a favor--
go into that bedroom.
I'm going to the shower
and rinse off, okay?
Ooh.
The Electro Beam 300?
Classic!
Ba ba!
Yeah.
You little freak.
Oh, no.
I'm a prisoner.
Please, don't hurt me.
What?
I just wanted a slice!
Yo, get that
fat piece of sh*t!
Yeah, cry like
a little b*tch, fat boy.
I can't take this sh*t.
Who wants
to take a swim?
Me.
Let's go.
Ha ha ha!
Prepare to die!
Ohh!
Damn...
Wait for me!
as becoming a lawyer.
You know why?
You got eyes just like
the guy from "Law and Order."
Yeah, so maybe that's
what I should do--
becoming a backstabbing lawyer
and make a lot of money.
What about you?
I could be
your secretary.
I got lots of really
sexy dresses and nice b*obs,
and I'm really good
at answering the phone.
Val, Dina.
Come over here
so I can show you
the new pictures
of Mr. Wiggles.
Mr. Wiggles!
Ohh...
You sit tight there.
Who the f***
is Mr. Wiggles?
Rosemarie's
pet ferret!
Wanna see it?
Aww!
Isn't he sweet?
This is me and Mr. Wiggles
in the shower.
Aww!
Dude, what the f*** is wrong
with these f***ing girls?
I love that one!
I'm not f***ing putting up
with this sh*t no more.
See, he's got
a personality like a person.
Where do you two
think you're going?
I'm taking my secretary...
to the boardroom.
He wants me
to take dick-tation.
Oh, shut up.
Get lost.
We're trying to have
a conversation.
Freddy, come here.
What?
I don't know, I got
a math question
I'm trying
to figure out.
Just get over here.
What do you want?
Look, Tony wants
to get with Dina.
I wanna get with Teresa,
and you wanna get
with Valerie, right?
Yeah.
Well, there's
four of them,
and there's three of us.
So you know
what that means?
No one is gonna get
with anyone
until we figure out a way
to extract the grenade.
Make it three on three.
Hey, girls, girls,
you guys--
you guys
want a doughnut?
No, the doughnuts
are for you, honey.
We get it-- you like to eat
f***in' doughnuts all the time.
No f***ing way.
I'm not taking
one for the team
for the fifth f***ing
time in a row.
Oh, come on, Freddy.
We got a better idea.
Just start talking
to her as if you like her,
and pretend you're interested
in what she says, right?
Ask her to take you
to the store,
like you gotta go
get something.
Yeah, use my car.
Now, when you get a few miles
down the road,
just open the door,
let her out, and drive away.
Yeah, but then when
she finds her way back,
they're all gonna hate us.
So?
We'll be done.
Yeah-- Tony
will be smashing Dina,
I'll be hooking up
with Teresa,
and Valerie,
she'll be all yours.
Youse are good.
Go get 'em.
Watch this.
What are you guys
talking about over there?
Tony just wanted to find out
so I figured I'd
help him out, you know?
Oh, okay.
You must be good
with numbers.
Well...
I know a perfect 10
when I see one.
Ohh...
You're so sweet.
I never got to tell you
about my ferret,
Mr. Wiggles.
Oh, yeah,
I'm so interested.
Please, tell me.
Well, every Christmas,
I dress him up in
a ballerina costume.
Wow.
Jeez.
What?
Oh, nothing,
I just wish I had a cigarette
when we talked about
Mr. Wiggles.
to get a pack, if you want.
Yeah, that's
a great idea!
Then we could
smoke cigarettes
and talk about
Mr. Wiggles all night!
Let's go!
Oh, you nasty
little b*tch.
Oh... oh.
Oh, f*** yeah.
Aah!
I have a hamster
named Buzzy that--
Oh, wow,
that's f***ing amazing.
He knows how to swim.
Hey, what's up?
Nothing, just, uh,
catching up on some emails.
That's cool.
So, uh, you get
good reception out here?
Yeah, it's not too bad.
Oh, really?
Yeah...
So, um...
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Nothing, I'm just
hanging out, you know?
It's all good,
sweetheart.
It's, uh...
You're gonna have fun,
come on.
Yeah, I'm having
a good time.
Just relax.
I'm pretty relaxed.
Just relax.
What the f***?!
What the hell was that?
What the f***?!
What, you don't wanna
be with me?
No, why would you think
I'd wanna be with you?
in New Jersey
would kill
to wife me up!
Wife-- really?
'Cause if I was
married to you,
I'd put poison in your
Yeah, well, if I
was married to you,
I'd drink it,
you f***in' b*tch!
Dick.
So, uh, is Buzzy
a boy or a girl hamster?
So how much longer
to the store?
Couldn't be much further.
Oh, my God,
you see that?
See what?
Looked like a little puppy
dog-- it crossed the road.
A puppy dog?
Yeah, it looked
like it was lost!
Stop the car!
I think it ran
into the cow pasture!
Oh, God, I hope the cows
don't eat him!
Oh, my God!
Freddy!
Freddy, you a**hole!
There's so many hot gorilla
juiceheads in here,
Hey, where's Rosemarie?
Uh, she saw
an all-night buffet
and decided to go back
for a midnight snack.
What?
Mmm.
Where's my shot?
Hey, wingman!
Oh, yeah!
Huh?
Ah!
Mmm.
Vinnie, you
f***ing a**hole!
What?
F*** all of youse.
I need a smoke.
Yo, hey, come back
here, you p*ssy!
What'd you have, two bowls
of stupid this morning?
Oh, that was a good one.
Yo, that was dope.
Eww.
Why do they keep
flying into it
when they see their friends
exploding all over the place?
Just mindless life forms
following the light
aimlessly
into the darkness.
Mm?
Hey, anybody
home in here?
Hey, where'd Freddy go?
He had a hissy fit
and took off.
Oh, he's got
my f***ing keys!
You just gonna
leave me here?
Screw him.
Ah, quiet, b*tch.
Screw you.
Hey, Freddy!
What's he doing?
Dropping dead, I hope.
Hey, I'm starving.
What do we got
to eat?
I got some hot dogs
in the fridge.
Hot dogs?
I'm all over
that sh*t.
Hey, Freddy,
you f***ing d*ckhead!
Where are you?
Freddy?
Where the f***
are you?
Vinnie!
If he's f***ing with me,
I'm gonna throw him a beatin'.
Freddy?
So, yeah, I do, like,
about 1,000 push-ups
every day.
Really?
I need to eat now.
Good...
get the barbecue going
while I get the other
stuff ready.
All right.
Mm!
No...
Aah!
Kill me.
Please kill me.
Did you hear that?
Hear what?
I thought I heard
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"Jersey Shore Massacre" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jersey_shore_massacre_11246>.
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