Jesus Henry Christ Page #5

that I have nothing,

- nothing to hide.

- How?

By shoving your

notes in my face?

Notes you intend to use to write

a book about my son?

The test subject!

Yes!

No, no, no.

No-- yes!

My original intention was to

write a book about Henry,

but that was

before yesterday.

- Before I found out the truth.

- The truth?

The truth that

Henry may be my son.

Henry is my son.

I'm his mother!

And as for you,

you're nothing but a test tube

filled with sperm!

If someone other than you had

written that book about Audrey,

what would you do?

I know exactly

what I'd do.

If you ever change your mind

and write

a book about my Henry...

I will hunt you down

and I will kill you.

It was a petri dish.

You were the test tube,

I was the petri dish!

Stop calling me, Stan!

Now is not

a good time-

I've never been to

an amusement park before.

Let's go on a ride.

I don't do rides.

Exposure therapy

is the best way to get over

an acute sense of dinophobia.

I'm not scared of

being dizzy.

That's not what

I read in your dad's book.

Whoa.

There's nobody here.

We ditched school,

remember, genius?

Let's go on a ride!

Jesus H. Christ.

What does the "H"

in "Jesus H. Christ"

stand for anyway?

I don't know, "holy," maybe?

Your guess is

as good as mine.

- I thought you knew everything.

- I remember everything.

Everything?

Everything I've ever seen.

- Since when?

- Since I was born.

Ew.

( Screaming )

That was awesome.

(bell dinging)

( screaming )

Sit down.

( Screaming )

Woo-hoo!

Yes!

That's me.

I own this game.

This is anger-obics?

What did you expect,

Tae Bo?

Amusement parks, I get,

but I can't believe you've never

played an arcade game before.

Patricia

believes in video games

are the reason over 4 million

children take Ritalin.

Hello, I said

shoulder width apart.

Right foot slightly in front of

your left hand.

Your other left.

More, more.

Stop.

Now keep your left elbow

straight.

You ready?

See it.

Shoot it.

You suck.

Watch and learn

from a master marks-woman.

See it.

Shoot it.

How many did I kill?

Everyone.

You killed everyone.

Well, I noticed the bad guys

are programmed according

to a pretty simple

recursive equation

that determines their

appearance on the screen.

Do you want to know the equation

so you can finish the game too?

What can we get

for 10,000 tickets?

buy much.

That's funny.

Go on, take it.

It's yours.

What do you say?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

That was nice of you.

Tell anybody

and I will kill you.

Got it.

You have to look at things

in the long-term.

In the short-term,

my life totally sucks.

But it'll all blow over.

Oprah or no Oprah,

they'll all forget that

stupid book ever existed.

Just look at Jonathan Franzen.

Who?

My point exactly.

Besides, all the cash my dad's

making from the book

is going into a trust fund.

When I turn 18,

I'm gonna be rich.

Me.

Not you.

Not we.

Me.

But I don't

want any of your money.

Yeah, right.

I don't.

When I turn 18,

I'll have my own money.

- You wanna bet?

- On what?

I'll bet you that you that my

dad's not our dad.

So I'm betting

that your dad is my dad?

You're a genius?

Really?

I never said

I was a genius.

And I never said

I'm a lesbo.

Bet.

I can't wait for you to meet my

Grandpa Stan.

You know, if it wasn't for him,

we would have never met.

I can wait to thank him.

Places like this depress me.

Why?

Is this it?

Is this where we end up?

Surrounded by old people who

reek of mothballs and menthol?

All of us just waiting to die?

Not my Grandpa Stan.

He reeks of

cigarettes and whiskey.

Cool.

Hey, everyone.

Where's Stan?

Nurse Bruna?

Where's my grandfather?

Stan?

Stan?

Stan!

Stan!

Henry, honey.

Patricia... where's Stan?

Come here, honey.

Please, Henry.

Please.

Where's Grandpa Stan?

I'm sorry, Henry, honey.

I'm so sorry.

Where is he, Mom?

Where is he?

Why aren't you in school?

( Thundering )

the course of this university's

illustrious history.

But never once has a tenured

faculty member

appeared on Oprah.

Oh, any publicity

is good publicity.

I'm sure things will go much

better next time

you're on Oprah.

Peddling your new book.

There isn't going to be

another book, Charles.

With all the funding

being poured into your work?

Henry... isn't my work.

No?

Then what is he?

- He's--

- He's here

because you

wanted him to be here.

He's here because we're paying

him a lot of money to be here.

He's here because of you.

You're right, Charles.

Henry is here...

because of me.

I understand that now.

Thank you, Charles.

Oh, please, Slavkin.

There's no need to

thank me.

My job is to manage.

Your job is to

publish.

Or perish.

Well, then you're just gonna

have to fire me, Charles.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's right,

you can't fire me.

I have tenure.

Am I going to

beat the odds?

Henry?

The transition from

prodigy to adult

is an extremely difficult one.

Only one in a 100 prodigies

succeed in becoming happy,

well-adjusted adults.

of research.

Surely, you must have

arrived to some conclusion.

Am I gonna be that

one in a hundred?

You are a very...

special person.

I know what that means.

Someone of your...

extraordinary intellect

comes along...

maybe once in

a century, if at all.

I don't want to be

extraordinary.

But extraordinary

is exactly what you are.

I don't want to be the test

subject of your next book!

You're not, Henry,

you know?

I promise you,

despite what you see,

you're not.

All my eyes can see

is all I know.

I'm not writing

a book about you.

I thought I was,

but I'm not,

so you can

forget about all of this.

All of what you see.

I can't forget.

This arrived in the mail.

It's addressed to me,

but made out to you.

Thought you might be

interested in the results.

Where you going?

To help my mom

plan a funeral.

Ahh!

Ahh!

( Crying )

Billy?

Who is he?

I think he's my uncle.

Are you my Uncle Billy?

If you're my nephew.

This used to be my room.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Four walls

and some left-over beads.

It's been 35 years.

Why didn't you come back

when President Carter granted

amnesty to the draft dodgers?

Back in '77?

Well, I guess I thought

I'd have time

to make amends.

Guess that was wrong.

You think?

Stan wanted you

to have this.

Is that a fact?

He told me so himself.

He wanted to pass it down to

one of his sons.

You're his grandson.

So you keep that.

The Vietnam War was one that

I, William Herman, opposed.

Due to my moral principles.

I do, however, sincerely

regret that in my absence

that I've missed a great

many things.

I have missed being a brother to

my brothers,

who have all since perished.

I have missed

being a friend

to the strongest person

I've ever known...

my sister.

I've missed

being Uncle Billy to...

He's a remarkable young man.

But I missed most of all...

being a son.

Of all my regrets,

my single greatest is knowing

that I'll never have the

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