Jim Jefferies: BARE Page #5

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and that's pissing the

f*** out of you right now,

and your brain is on a loop and

you can't f***ing turn it off,

and it's just going around in

a circle, and you're just going,

"If you don't like it, go home!

If you don't like it, go home!"

And my answer to that is, "No."

I came here legally. I pay my taxes.

I'll say whatever the f*** I want.

Your First Amendment means that I can

say the Second Amendment sucks d*cks.

And...

unless you're an American Indian,

you're a f***ing immigrant as well,

so f*** off.

People get so precious about it.

I understand that to Americans,

your constitution is very important.

I respect it,

but please understand that

every country has one as well.

It's no more special than

any other constitution.

We have one in Australia.

I don't know what it says.

I've never seen it.

If there's a problem, we'll check

it, but everything's going fine.

And don't get me wrong.

I get that the constitution

is important to you.

I have had... F***ing, I get it, right?

I've had people come up to me in my face

and scream at me in car parks as

I'm leaving the theater, going,

"You cannot change the Second Amendment!"

And I'm like, "Yes, you can.

It's called an 'amendment.'"

If you can't change something

that's called an "amendment",

see, many of you need a thesaurus

more than you need a constitution.

And if you don't know what a thesaurus is,

get a dictionary and work your way forward.

Don't think your

constitution is set in stone.

You've changed things before.

You used to have

prohibition in there, right?

And then people were like, "Hey,

who likes getting f***ed up?

Yeah, I like getting f***ed

up, too. Let's get that one out.

Let's get that one out."

You used to have this other

thing in America called, uh...

slavery!

And then Lincoln came along and

went, "That's it. No more slaves!"

And 50% of you went, "F***

you! Don't take my slaves!"

And the same bullshit arguments

came out that you have with guns.

"Why should I have my slaves taken off me?

I'm a responsible slave owner.

I'm trained in how to use my slaves safely.

Just because that guy mistreated his slaves

doesn't mean that my rights

should be taken away from me.

I...

I use my slaves to protect my family!

I keep my slaves locked in a safe!"

That's the thing.

"Why should I have my guns taken

off me? I've done nothing wrong."

Look, I agree with you.

If you're a responsible gun owner

and you don't f*** around with them,

then you should be allowed

your guns. You really should.

But that's not how society works.

We have to play to the

1% that are such fuckwits

they ruin it for the rest of us.

We have to walk as slow

as our slowest person

to keep society f***ing moving, right?

I take drugs like a

f***ing champion, right?

We should all be allowed

to take f***ing drugs,

but we can't, can we?

Because Sarah took drugs and

she stabbed her f***ing kids.

Oh!

"Oh, thanks, Sarah. You

f***ed it up for everyone."

Right?

Everyone should be

allowed to drive their car

as fast as they can do it, right?

But we can't because Jonathan

got drunk and ran over a family.

"Thanks, Jonathan!

Now I have to drive at

30, you f***ing idiot!"

See, that's the thing. "Why

should I have my guns taken off me,

I'm responsible, just

because that guy's crazy?"

Who's to say you're not crazy?

That's the thing about crazy people.

They don't know they're crazy.

That's what makes them crazy.

The only thing you know

for sure on this Earth is,

"I think, therefore I am."

You know that you exist.

Anything past that is open

to interpretation, right?

You know you exist and that's it.

Right now, I think I'm in

Boston talking to 1,200 people.

That's what I think I'm doing,

but there is a good to fair

chance that I'm in a mental home,

standing in front of a white wall, going,

"I hate guns. I hate guns. I hate guns."

See, one of the better arguments is,

"Well, if you take the guns away, then

only the criminals will have guns."

Not true.

When they banned the guns

in Australia, it worked.

When they banned them in

Britain, it worked, okay?

The Bushmaster gun that the

kid was gonna use in Sandy Hook

costs, like, $1,000 American

and you can buy it in Walmart.

It'll be delivered to

your house. That's it, man.

1,000 bucks, right?

That same gun in Australia on

the black market costs $34,000.

Now if you have $34,000,

you don't need to be a criminal.

You've got $34,000.

You're a great little saver. Keep going.

So that covers the criminals,

but that doesn't cover the people

who wanna murder your family,

that are coming after you and your family.

It kind of does.

The people who do the massacres,

it covers them 'cause they go...

The kid at Colorado who

thought he was The Joker,

let's say that he had some social issues.

The kid at Sandy Hook

was Asperger's as f***.

Right?

I don't know if you know a

lot about the black market,

but you can't just rock

up at the docks going,

"Guns!

Who wants to sell me a gun?"

Now, I'm gonna wrap this up. We

won't talk about it anymore. Now...

See, the one thing that

I do really agree with

with the right to bear arms,

I really agree with... That

the real reason it was written

was so that you could form a militia to

fight against a tyrannical government.

In case the government

became a bunch of c*nts,

you could all get your guns and fight back,

and that's why it was written.

Yeah!

And that made a hell of a lot of

sense when it was just muskets.

But you do know the government

has drones, right? You get that?

You're bringing guns to a drone fight!

If we went back to muskets, I'm all for it!

Keep the Second Amendment.

If we all have muskets...

Muskets are awesome!

Every c*nt should be carrying

a musket with him at all times.

You know what's good about the musket?

It gives you a lot of time to calm down.

Someone calls your wife fat, and

you're like, "F*** you, buddy!

Ah, you're not a bad

guy. You're all right."

Now...

after the show, we're gonna go out,

have a big party around

Boston, see how it goes.

I'm not allowed to go

to strip clubs anymore.

My girlfriend has said that's a no...

'cause I don't behave myself in there,

so I'm not allowed to go to them anymore.

'Cause strip clubs aren't

what women think they are.

It used to be like...

Okay, so, when a man goes to a strip club,

it's all about girls being as dirty and

as horrible to each other as possible.

That's what men want to see.

Women, when they go to

their Magic Mike clubs

or whatever the f*** they are...

women wanna see a guy, "Hey,

ladies. He's a fireman."

And he comes out with

his hose and like that...

And whenever a stripper

takes their clothes off,

they've still got the fireman's

hat on or a tool belt on

or policeman's gun on a holster, right?

Because even when a man's naked, a

woman wants to know that he has a job.

When men watch strippers,

we want them to have a job,

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