Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero Page #5

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Mrs. Monroe?

Mrs. Monroe.

So good to see you.

- What are the chances?

- What are you doing here?

Me? Um... I was just,

you know, exercising.

Yes, it's a new workout.

This is called "The photo abs."

you just-- look...

Oh, that's good abs.

That's good ab work,

Mr. Westwood.

Yeah, it's getting hard.

Ooh, tell me more

about things getting hard.

You're emitting

that exotic desert smell.

- Oh, I smell like the desert?

- Oh, yeah...

- Oh, that's good.

- Dirty, Sandy, desert.

- Oh, good.

- Jimmy?

- Leila!

- Jimmy?

What are you doing here?

- Jogging.

- You jog a lot.

Yeah, well I'm training

for the...

Breast cancer

awareness month.

There's a race

for breasts?

What are you doing here?

I was just getting

some exercises,

so that I could

save lives at the beach,

okay?

So I'm gonna get back

to exercising and you should

get back to jogging.

- Okay.

- Go.

- I will.

- Go.

I'm watching...

She's very intense.

Oh--!

She's special, right?

- I'm okay.

- No, you're not.

The female tiger

knows the male

is ready to mate

because of its scent,

not to mention

its throbbing,

massive tiger erection.

- Jamshid fakhredinpour.

- What?

Mehdi told me

that you quit your job

to go out and take

some pictures?

Um... well, uh...

Yes, I quit.

There. I said it.

Why would I work

for that butcher

when I can make $5,000 a veek

vorking as a p.I.?

Enough with this

p.I. Business.

You're gonna

hurt yourself--

did you say $5,000?

- Yes.

- In one veek?

Yes.

Then why didn't you quit

your job earlier, dummy?

- What's this?

- Just a little something

I bought with this veek's

p.I. Money.

You blow all your money

to buy a TV?

- Are you out of your crazy mind?

- But maman, this is not

an ordinary TV.

This is a top of the line,

103-inch hd TV

- with 3-d visualization.

- Jamshid,

you are very

irresponsible.

You are not using your brain.

You stupid,

stupid, stupid--

did you say 3D?

Vow. It's so real.

I feel I can touch

the tiger.

Ah!

I love your new job.

Finally, I can

get my eye surgery.

Face-lifting. Go to Hawaii.

Liposuction.

Buy a big chandelier

for here.

I don't know, you could

tell him something catchy,

like "Blow me."

think that'll do it?

No, that's what she said,

she said she had a sister.

- What do I know?

- Mr. Monroe.

- I have your pictures.

- Sure. Get back to me.

Sir, sir, I have the pictures.

The ones you asked for.

Pictures?

- Yep. That's all.

- That's all?

Yeah. Got the pictures.

Case closed.

Okey-dokey. Uh, sir,

I just want to let you know

I quit my job

for this case

so I have a lot of free time

on my hands,

so in case you need me for

anything, just let me know.

No, no, nope,

nope, no, thanks.

- Thank you, sir.

- Okay. Goodbye.

Thank you.

I can get your laundry.

I can repaint the house.

I can do interior designing.

I can work on your posture.

Whatever you're in the mood for,

you just let me know.

- I'm there for you.

- No thanks.

- Just giving you options.

- No, thank you.

- Okay, thank you.

- Okay. Bye.

I noticed the limousine

is getting a little dirty.

Jimmy, get the hell

outta my house!

Okay.

- Jimmy?

- Mr. mehdi?

What are you

doing here?

- I own the place?

- Oh, yeah, that's right.

You know, in case

you're wondering

what I am doing here?

I just happened to be in the

neighborhood and I thought.

"Maybe I should stop by

and say hi to Mr. mehdi

and bring him a gift."

ah, a gift,

for homayoun's wedding.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

A gift for you-- of apology.

For me?

Hmm. Thank you.

Dates? Zeki.

I have six cartons of this.

Mr. mehdi, you have

six cartons of everything.

What do you get a man

who has six cartons

of everything?

- Let me think...

- What?

- Oh yeah, I know.

- What?

A top of the line

security guard.

V-v-v-vip.

Ah... I knew you would

come crawling back.

You want your old job

back, don't you?

- Well, if you insist, okay.

- Wish I could do, Jimmy,

but since you quit,

I had to hire someone else.

- Really? Who?

- Rick.

On top of security,

he is redoing

all the electrical wiring

for the entire store.

Rick, how's it coming?

Think I found the problem,

Mr. mehdi.

Ah, that guy is good.

Hey, look...

I know times are hard.

But hang in there, jamshid.

- Hang in there.

- I vill gonna, Mr. mehdi.

Ugh!

I'm never gonna be an American

hero like esteve McQueen.

I don't even have good hair.

I'm a loser.

Loser. Loser. Loser.

Goodbye hair.

Hey, you want

some cookie--

don't do it!

- Do what?

- Kill yourself.

- Kill myself?

- You have blood on your face.

Blood?

Bah. That's the ink

from your stupid flyers.

- Get off me.

- Is everything okay?

No, everything is not okay.

Mr. Monroe let me go.

Some white guy from Harvard

took my job at the market.

And maman

vants breast implants,

an SUV, and season tickets

to the Lakers.

What happened?

She got a taste

of the American dream,

- and now she's a monster.

- No. What happened at work?

I solved the case.

I gave him the pictures.

And now I have nothing to do

but vatch this estupid DVD

that comes

with the television.

I can't even afford

basic cable.

Wow. It's so clear.

You know what you need?

A dose of culture.

We're going

to whole foods?

We now come to Diego

Velazquez' masterpiece.

"Christ crucified,"

Where Jesus' nudity

is portrayed

with delicious

erotic overtones.

Notice the armpits.

Velasquez chooses to remove

all of the hair,

creating a purity

of artistic line.

Remember this is

2000 years

before the invention

of the razor.

We've placed the portrait

in the middle of the hall

so that you may the glory of

Jesus from the front,

and also behind.

- Ha!

- Ah!

Okay...

Now, we turn

to the Cyrus cylinder.

Named after

Cyrus the great,

the Cyrus cylinder is one

of the most famous

surviving icons

from the ancient world.

The cylinder

has been described

as one of the first charters

of human rights.

- He was persian.

- Unfortunately.

I'll give you a few moments now

to take in all of its splendor.

Enjoy.

Actually, the Americans

stole the idea for the

bill of rights

from this guy.

One of the founding fathers,

George Jefferson,

was inspired by him.

It's true.

I read it on viki-pedia.

Enjoy the splendor.

Leila,

take some pictures.

Oh, yeah.

I ran out of space.

I just-- I have to delete

some photos.

- Ah.

- Sorry.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Are you insane?

There's no photos here.

You're not allowed

to take photos.

- Why?

- Why?

Because that has a flash,

and that's stone.

You can't flash stone.

Are you insane?

God.

- Ooh.

- Take a Xanax.

No flash stone.

Flash stone, this guy.

Eh, it's homayoun.

Homayoun.

Oh, Jimmy.

Jimmy, uh, you remember

homeira?

Oh, yes, hi.

- Nice to see you.

- This is my cousin, Leila.

You never told me

you have a cousin.

Leila, I love that color

on you.

You should come

to the wedding.

Okay.

Oh, no, you don't have

to invite her.

- She's my sixth cousin.

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