Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero Page #4

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of your

grandfather's uncle.

- So, that makes her my --

- seventh cousin.

- Think about it.

- I'm an idiot.

- Are you an idiot?

- Okay, this interview's over.

- Is this interview over?

- Cut his mic.

- Are you cutting my mic?

- You guys cut his mic.

It's my show.

- Are they cutting my mic?

Oh my gosh, it vorked.

Good hair. Good hair.

- Can I help you?

- Oh, yes.

Er...

Buenos nachos.

Oh, Jimmy vestvood,

private investigator

for Mr. Monroe--

La inmigracin!

La inmigracin!

No, no immigra-cion,

investiga-cion.

- Investiga-cion.

- Inmigracin!

She's fast.

Okay, Jimmy,

what do you got for me?

I am afraid I have some bad news

and some badder news.

The bad news is that

you were right.

Your wife

is cheating on you.

I knew it. I knew it.

But it gets worse,

much worse.

What? What else? What?

The badder news, sir, is that

he's hung like a horse.

- Hung like a horse?

- Yeah.

Your wife is never

gonna come back to you.

- Mr. Monroe, are you okay?

- Yeah. Jimmy, can I trust you?

What? Yes. Of course. I didn't

do anything with your wife.

I am very trustworthy.

They call me "Jimmy

trustworthy."

and that's why

people love you, Jimmy.

Aside from you having

a nose for this stuff.

It's because you're honest

and you've been honest with me

so I'm gonna

be honest with you.

Am I all right, am I okay?

No, I am not okay

I mean, this woman has broken

my heart and I wanna

destroy her.

And I need your help

to do that.

Destroy her? How?

- I want you to shoot her.

- Shoot her?

No, no, no, no.

With a camera.

I want you to shoot

her with a camera.

- Oh.

- Divorce proceedings,

and I'm gonna need

a lot of photos.

And I want you

to take those pictures.

Will you take those pictures

for me, Jimmy?

Yes, sir. Jimmy vestvood,

at your service.

Great. Yeah.

Just shoot away.

Karl, could you bring

that photo equipment

that we got for Mr. Westwood

in here?

Have it right here, sir.

Eh...

This is the dslr camera and

in this bag are the lenses.

We have a 35-millimeter

and a 300-millimeter

- for distant shots.

- It's got flash?

Yes.

And this is your

undercover suit.

Undercover suit?

Sir? That's great.

I've always wanted an

undercover suit, sir.

How did I know?

Why don't you go try it on?

- See if we can't see you?

- Thank you, sir.

This is great.

Can I just--

yeah. Please be careful,

these are my personal stuff.

I'm gonna be very careful.

This is exciting.

Really, thank you so much --

I'm sorry.

Really, exciting.

Undercover suit!

- What a banana.

- Sir. Great news.

Senator hunter is confirmed

and on board.

He thanks you

for your generous

"Campaign contribution."

we've got

two-thirds majority.

Well, it's going a lot easier

than I ever thought it would.

You know this guy, you know

how some people turn out

to be as dumb as they look?

All we got to do now

is come up with some

snappy nickname

for this war, you know,

to sell it to the

American people.

- Sure.

- They go for it every time.

How about,

Freedom"?

How 'bout it? It's been used.

Think of something

with an animal in it.

You know, Americans

hate each other

but they love animals?

Yeah. How about

"Operation puppy freedom"?

That's too soft.

That's not war, that's not hard.

"Operation desert rape"?

Nah, that's too hard.

Besides, you forgot

the animal.

"Operation puppy rape."

get away from me.

You're giving me the creeps.

- Yes, sir.

- What's this rape stuff?...

Oh-ho!

"Operation eagle freedom."

perfect.

- Ow!

- I don't look too fat?

Mr. mehdi, Mr. mehdi.

Jamshid. Why you are wearing

black? Did somebody die?

- Uh... yes.

- Who?

Ali Hassan Hossein

Mohammad rezaie.

Ali Hassan Hossein

Mohammad rezaie died?

It's okay, Mr. mehdi.

That son of a b*tch

owes me $55!

Oh, gosh.

Well, it's good Karma.

I don't need Karma.

I need my $55.

It will come back to you.

I feel like I'm gonna

drop dead myself.

You know, this wedding

is killing me.

They're asking $4,000

for an audio-visual screen.

Can you believe that?

- $4,000.

- Wow.

Well, anyway,

what do you want?

Eh, Mr. mehdi,

I was just going to see

if I could have the day off

tomorrow.

I have to take some very

important pictures.

Pictures, my ass.

Is it this private

investigator crap?

- Yes, it is-- I mean, no--

- I don't care what it is.

You do what I tell you

to do, understand?

Wow. Well, Mr. mehdi,

if that's the case,

I guess then

I just have to...

- Yeah, what?

- I guess then I--

- yeah, what?

- I quit.

You what?

I quit.

You cannot quit.

- Why not?

- Because I fire you.

Attention, attention,

everybody.

Attention, everybody.

Jamshid fakhredinpour,

he is fired.

Fired. Fired.

- Hey, Rick?

- Yeah?

Do I have to pay

unemployment insurance

- if I fire someone?

- Yes, 6% of taxable wages

as mandated by the federal

unemployment tax act.

Now, there's a stipulation

that says the employer--

okay, okay, shut up,

Harvard, got it.

You know what? You quit.

I did not fire you.

Attention, attention,

attention, everybody,

I want you to listen.

I did not fire jamshid

fakhredinpour,

he just quit on me.

Now, your badge

and your jacket.

Oh, sure, yes, of course.

Here is the badge.

- Thank you.

- And...

- The jacket.

- Thank you. Oh, one second.

Please, accept my tongue

as a token of respect

for you and your mother.

Oh, no, sir.

I can't. I can't.

- Please, I insist.

- Oh no, I insist.

- I cannot.

- Please, I insist.

I want your mother

have my tongue.

- No. I'm insisting.

- I insist.

- No, I'm insisting.

- I said I insist.

Sir, I insist-- oops.

Five-second rule.

Good as new.

No more timing

each tear that falls

from my eyes

I'm not hiding

the remedy that cures

this old heart of mine...

Mmm, delicious.

Whose tongue is it?

Mr. mehdi.

No, dummy. What animal?

Oh. Cow.

Very big cow.

Remember tomorrow,

say thank you to Mr. mehdi

at work.

I thought you quit?

Quit? Quit what?

Eating tongue.

I am going gluten free.

Ah, what a waste.

I'm going to bring

that delicious desert

that Leila brought.

I don't maman to know

I quit.

She's gonna have

a heart attack.

So, what made you quit?

My American case.

I have a big day tomorrow.

Ooh. Let me be

your sidekick this time.

Otherwise,

I'll tell maman you quit.

You traitor. I told you,

you can't be my sidekick.

It's too dangerous.

Thank you very much, Leila joon

for this sholeh zard.

You know, saffron and cinnamon

make the man stronger.

And this rice pudding?

Makes the woman fertilizing.

What is your point?

My point is

that you two should f***.

Hi. I'm sorry

I'm sorry. Ow.

You're gonna be

in a lot of trouble.

Agh!

You will be my sand dune.

Ooh.

And I will be

your bedouin.

Rr-rar-rr.

Can I hide inside you?

There's so much room

in there for you to hide.

Oh, baby.

Oh, oh!

Oh, oh, not the ear,

not the ear, not the ear.

- I go for take a leak.

- Okay, baby.

I will miss you.

Ooh.

- Ah-hh!

- Jimmy Westwood?

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