Jimmy Vestvood: Amerikan Hero Page #3

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No!

I can't hear a vord

you're saying!

What about the deers?

- What I'm trying to say is--

- wait, Leila,

you have to hear this.

Come here, come here.

I'm sorry, Leila, I have

something to tell you.

- Wait, where's maman?

- She's sleeping.

Anyway, I got my first

big case today.

Yeah? What is it?

This big shot American client

wants me to follow his wife

to see if she's

cheating on him.

Ooh.

And she is hot.

Super-duper hot.

- Just sexy--

- congratulations.

Thanks. But not a word

to maman, okay?

Because I don't want her

to think

that I'm ignoring

my job at the market.

Sure. I won't

tell her anything.

Hey, I have an idea.

What if I was your sidekick?

No, that's the worst idea

I have ever heard in my life.

I mean, it's just

not a good idea.

It's very dangerous.

You can't be involved

with that.

But I could totally help you.

I could drive you in my car,

I have a magnifying glass

and everything.

Besides, I'm totally bored

at my dad's pharmacy.

How many urinary tract

infections can I cure?

"I got uti, I got uti.

I got uti."

just drink the damn

cranberry juice.

Okay, calm down.

I'll drink it.

Thanks for the offer,

but I have trained for

this line of work.

You can't just get into it

like it's no big deal.

That's the--

the point is,

I don't need a sidekick.

Good night.

Good night for now,

Jimmy vestvood.

But you're gonna need

a sidekick,

and you're gonna

get one whether you

like it or not.

Shh-hh!

Saturday,

10:
11 A.M., Malibu beach.

Very private area.

V-v-v-vip.

Top of the line.

I vill gonna go

deep undercover.

Hey, watch it!

Sorry. Excuse me.

Take care.

Have a nice day.

You're kicking sand

in my eyes.

Agh!

Oh, Jimmy.

- Homayoun?

- Jimmy. Hi.

Uh, Jimmy. This is Freddy.

My friend.

Freddy, meet Jimmy.

Nice to meet you, Freddy.

Hi. Nice to--

homayoun,

what's going on here?

What do you mean?

I mean, what's going on

with you?

Oh, with me?

I'm here on a case.

As a private investigator.

I did it.

But don't tell your dad, okay?

He would fire me.

And vorse,

he would tell my mother.

We wouldn't

want that now, uh-hh...

You know what, I won't tell

if you won't tell, huh?

Oh-hh, yeah.

Don't vorry, homayoun,

your secret is safe

with me, okay?

You know, in our community,

being a private investigator

is almost as bad

as being gay.

So I know

what you're going through.

What?

It must be hard

to have a gay lover.

I have no idea

what you're talking about.

I'm talking about him,

Freddy, your gay lover.

- What?

- This guy. Freddy.

- The black guy.

- Yeah.

You have gay sex with?

In the butt?

Okay, okay.

We know how it works.

- I'm talking about him.

- Okay.

It's not right, homayoun,

that you can't be you.

You know, you should

be you, okay?

If you are gay,

you should be gay.

If you're not gay,

then don't be gay.

Who am I to judge?

Listen, homayoun,

what I'm trying to say is,

don't ask, don't tell.

If you see something,

say something.

Ask not what your country

will gonna do for you,

but what your country

will gonna do for you.

Homayoun, be gay.

You're a gay angel.

You're a "Gayngel."

some of the worst people

I know are straight.

Agh!

It's time for you to climb

out of the cabinet.

You mean come out

of the closet?

Climb, if you

have to jump, hike,

do it,

whatever it takes.

Think about that.

Yeah, you should

put that on the card.

I'm so happy we had

this time to talk.

I have to go, guys.

- Thank you for the advice.

- Shh.

Oh my god, I am so sorry.

You know what?

It's your turn, huh?

Here we go.

Mr. Westwood?

Mrs. Monroe?

- Mr. Westwood.

- What a surprise.

Well, I'm surprised

to see you too.

Well, this is my friend, malek.

He's from Arabia.

Hi, sir, how are you?

Alhamdulillah,

alhamdulillah.

- Salaam-alaikum.

- Ah, alaikum assalam.

Schwarma.

- Baba ganoush.

- Pita bread.

So, what is it

you're doing here?

Me? Eh, you know,

on the weekends

I work as a lifeguard.

- Oh, you're a lifeguard?

- Yes. I save the lives.

Help me. I'm drowning!

Help. Help me.

- Shouldn't you help that man?

- What man?

That man. He's drowning.

You just said you're

a lifeguard.

Oh, no, you see...

He's not in my tower

jurisdiction.

I work in tower number 5

and he is drowning

in tower number 6.

You know if I tried to help him,

my boss would kill me.

Brett, that guy's been

calling you for an hour. Ach!

Looks like

Brett has it covered.

So where were we?

I go for exercise.

Mr. Westwood?

Mr. Westwood? Jimmy?

- Hi.

- Hi.

Would you be a doll and rub

this lotion all over my back?

Sure, I can be a doll.

They call me "Jimmy doll."

- I bet they do.

- On the veekends.

Right there.

- Oh. Oh, Mr. Westwood.

- What?

- Oh, that feels really good.

- Oh, yeah?

Oh, Mr. Westwood, that feels

so good, don't you stop.

Don't you stop,

that's the spot right there.

Oh, Mr. Westwood,

that feels so good.

Mrs. Monroe,

we're in public.

Oh, Mr. Westwood, I just can't

stop thinking of you.

Oh, what is it about

you middle eastern men

that's so...

Irresistible?

What?

But you're married,

and you have

a boyfriend.

- I know.

- Oh-hh!

I know, but you're so dark

and exotic and... hairy.

Oh, yes, I'm very hairy.

Very hairy.

Oh, yes, very, very hairy.

Very hairy.

But if j.P. Ever found out

about us, he'd kill us both.

- Oh, don't kill me.

- Jimmy.

Leila?

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just jogging

at the beach.

And you, Jimmy?

What are you doing here?

You know, I'm just doing

the usual, you know,

guarding lives

at tower number five.

Ah. I have good exercise.

- Good exercise.

- Congratulations.

I feel invigorated.

Okay, well, I should probably

get back to--

Leila. You should get back

to jogging.

Oh. Yeah.

I'm gonna get back to my jog.

Bye, everyone.

Okay, bye.

This will grow

your hair

and you will look

like esteve McQueen.

Sir, do you have

a nuclear program?

I don't know.

Do you have a nuclear program?

Are you asking if America

has a nuclear program?

No. I am asking if you

have a nuclear program.

Do I have a nuclear program?

Do you nuclear program?

How would I

have a nuclear program?

How would you

have a nuclear program?

Are you sure this

is gonna vork?

Of course. This is one

of the old persian recipe.

It fix everything.

Where is my mayonnaise?

Are you repeating

everything I say?

Am I repeating

everything you say?

You can't just repeat

everything I say.

I cannot repeat

everything you say.

Espeaking of mayonnaise,

have you thought about

going on a date with mehdi?

- Are you trying to set me up?

- This is America.

We have

to americanize now

and be open-minded.

Besides, you are a vidow,

he is a vidower,

it's a great match.

Just think about it.

Okay, baba.

I think about it.

Why don't you think about

going out on date with Leila?

Maman, that is disgusting.

Ach. She's my cousin.

She is not

your real cousin, dummy.

Her grandmother

is fourth cousin

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