Joe Rogan: Triggered Page #3

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Just sprinting, "Oh, my God, I'm doing it!

Oh, my God, I'm doing it!"

Thinking, with every step, "This is

gonna be the last step of my life.

No, this is gonna be the last step

of my life. No, this..."

And he gets to the front door.

It's unlocked!

He opens it.

There's a girl there by herself.

Smacks her to the ground

and just starts running through the hall.

Ah!

He's probably going, "Why am I alive?"

He's probably thinking... He was inside

for minutes. For minutes, running around.

He got tackled by an off-duty officer.

He was probably thinking,

"I wanted to die.

I don't want to go to f***ing jail.

Will somebody please shoot me?"

Then he was probably pissed.

"Where are my tax dollars going?

What kind of security are you

f***ing people running in this place?"

Imagine when Obama found out

a girl was guarding him.

He was probably like, "Everybody,

everybody, not that much diversity.

I mean, what, are you playing

f***ing fairy tale games here?"

Obama's got a hard job,

'cause he's the first president that's

ever been around while Google was here.

You know,

he could Google his own name

if he gets crazy

in the middle of the night. Right?

"So, let me see what

the people have to say."

He'd just go, "Obama is a..."

"I'm none of those f***ing things."

Freakin' out. Sh*t.

Probably thinking,

"Why the f*** did I do this?"

I think the guy who broke into

the White House and Obama

probably have a lot in common.

In that... they went for it,

but they probably never really thought

they were getting in there.

You can't quit once you're the president.

The moment Obama actually got into office,

like, "Good morning, Mr. President,"

he was probably like, "Oh, no!

What the f*** did I do this for?

I didn't think

I was actually gonna get in.

I can't sleep. I'm freaking out.

Everybody wants to kill me.

Who the f*** is guarding me?"

Looks out in the hallway.

There's a girl taking selfies.

That'd be the greatest selfie of all time.

A girl with her ass out, duck lips,

in the background, a dude's

breaking into the White House.

You know I'm not making this up.

You've all seen this.

This is recognizable.

Pigeon-toed is a good move

'cause you can't get away that good.

You just, like...

Like there's something wrong

with your back.

That's a recognizable pose.

When did that start?

'Cause if you look

at the original pictures

back when people first invented pictures,

everybody just stood there looking hungry.

Like, if you saw a photo from the 1800s,

and in the background a girl was going...

She's a f***ing time traveler!

Nobody knew that move back then.

Somebody had to see their face.

"Oh, people like that.

They like what I'm doing."

Combo. A two-hole combo attractor.

It's all over online!

It gets you a lot of likes.

I saw a gal on Instagram,

she has eight million followers.

All she does is take pictures of her ass.

That's it.

She's got a winning formula.

She sticks with it.

No witty memes.

There's no inspirational quotes.

Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.

Just a lot of this. Different ways.

And she's just a regular girl, man.

I'm watching this, I'm like,

"This is a different kind of person."

She has eight million people that have

no idea what her voice sounds like.

She doesn't have a job that they like.

She doesn't have an occupation

that they follow.

They're just staring at her ass.

This is a new kind of human.

There's never been a person,

psychologically,

that's had to navigate

those kind of waters.

If you really stop and think about it,

science should really step in

and start looking at this.

Don't go to South America to study some

new frog that nobody gives a f*** about.

There's a girl in Florida with

eight million people staring at her ass.

How does this girl keep a relationship?

What is her day like?

How many dick pics does she get sent?

How many dick pics does

that girl receive on a daily basis?

Is it like the national debt counter

was just f***ing spinning

out of control constantly?

I bet if she turns on the notifications,

her phone just starts screaming

and runs away from her.

I bet if she deletes

all the dick pics from her phone,

it would be physically lighter.

This is a new kind of person.

We really have to understand, there's

never been a person like this before.

And she's just a person.

Like, that kind of influence,

that kind of attractant,

that's a very strong drug to have

in the hands of just a girl.

And as a guy who has daughters,

I just think of that, like,

that's kind of f***ing... That's weird.

Because this girl has

eight million people staring at her ass.

Eight million creeps and weirdos

and perverts objectifying her.

I mean, I follow her,

but I'm not like those other a**holes.

I'm different.

I care. I care about who she is.

I'm a nice person.

I'm a hero or something.

"I'm different.

Those other guys are a**holes.

Men are noble. Men are noble and true."

Mmm. If we get to come.

If men don't get to come,

we get real Smagol-like real quick.

Just a few months of no dates,

"Mesus is just so disappointed

with all the mens mesus meets.

Mesus is so embarrassed

at how other mens talks to you. Mmm.

Oh."

Everyone wants to set themselves up

as being the noble one.

Everybody wants to be

Matthew McConaughey,

to save the world on a rocket ship.

There's people that are signing up

to go to Mars.

Do you know about this?

There's a mission to Mars,

a manned mission to Mars,

where 200,000 people have signed up to be

amongst the four people to die on Mars.

They're gonna take a one-way trip to Mars.

That's some sad sh*t

for a bunch of reasons.

First of all, it's some sad sh*t,

'cause that's 200,000 people

that don't have any real friends. Right?

If it's someone you love,

your real friend...

If one of my friends

is gonna move to Florida,

I'll be like,

"B*tch, where the f*** are you going?

You're gonna go to Florida?

We can't hang out if you go to Florida.

Why the f*** are you moving

to Florida, man?"

But you might be able to deal with it.

"We can just visit each other

every now and then."

But if your friend was gonna move to Mars,

you'd be like,

"Oh, really? Get in the f***ing car!

Just get in the car, dude."

Take him out to Death Valley,

"Look around!

Sucks, right?

Mars sucks worse.

Get back in the car, stupid."

Jesus Christ!

There's places in America

you can't live, man.

You don't wanna live in Detroit,

why the f*** are you talking

about moving to Mars?

People really consider moving to Mars.

It's one of the dumbest ideas ever.

But if you say that,

people will eco-bro you.

Have you ever been eco-broed?

These people will find an opportunity

to virtue signal over you,

as Michael Shermer likes to point out.

Like, puff their chest out and say

that they're probably better than you.

"Hey, dude. Seriously?

You think there's something wrong

with going to Mars?

Well, I don't know

if you've paid attention, man.

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