Joe Rogan: Triggered Page #7

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Doesn't make sense to me.

How would that work?"

"How would that work?"

"It wouldn't work, would it?"

Adam and Eve are the only two people.

They have kids.

And then,

where do all the other people come from?

I guess the kids just start f***ing

each other. Is that what happens?

Mom fucks the kids, or the...

Yeah, exactly.

Debbie's parents.

They were at my house, man, for a cookout,

and the dude told me

the Earth's 10,000 years old.

They're Young Earth Christians.

They're sweet people, by the way.

Before I sh*t on them...

I'm gonna sh*t on them,

but before I sh*t on them, they're sweet.

They're really nice people.

I hug 'em every time I see 'em.

They're really kind, nice people.

But they just found a part of their brain,

they're like, "I have no use for this."

Chucked that whole logic,

discerning-reason part.

"This f***ing thing's confusing."

They're Young Earth Christians,

which means they follow the strictest

interpretation of the Bible possible.

I'm like, "How many people believe

the Earth is less than 10,000 years old?"

Uh! I looked it up.

There's a recent Gallup poll that said

that 46% of America believes

the Earth is less than 10,000 years old.

Here's why you shouldn't be scared.

They can only measure people

dumb enough to answer polls.

And when you factor that in,

you're talking

about a really small number.

'Cause you know

what the average response is

if you call people up and say,

"How old's the Earth?"

Number one answer is,

"Older than your mother's p*ssy."

And then they hang up.

Number two answer is, "F*** you!"

After that,

you start throwing numbers around.

And only 46% of those dummies

were stupid enough to think

the Earth is 10,000 years old.

That's Debbie's f***ing parents.

So out of the people that answer polls...

Is it even 1%?

It might be 1%.

Only 46% are that f***ing stupid.

And that's the 1%

we should really be worried about.

We're worried about the wrong 1%.

Not that we shouldn't be worried

about the really rich, greedy people.

We definitely should. We should definitely

worry about bankers and people who...

They're just stockpiling resources.

They could help the world in some

really impossible ways for anybody else.

But they don't. They'd rather

just pile up their gold.

Yeah, that 1% is awful.

But there's another 1% that freaks me

the f*** out that no one's talking about.

That's the 1% who leave comments

on YouTube videos.

Who the f*** are those freaks?

Could you imagine people talking

to each other like that in real life

and not beating the sh*t out

of each other?

I mean, if Jesus Christ himself came back

from the dead and had a YouTube page,

the first comment would be,

"You ain't sh*t without your dad, p*ssy."

These are monsters.

This is not a normal person's response.

Normal people don't leave comments.

What a normal person does,

they watch a video.

They like it or they don't like it.

That's it. It ends right there.

But what you're dealing with

is the process of racism,

and child abuse,

and neglect and shitty genes.

And the Insane Clown Posse is playing.

They know all the words,

and they're wafting up their farts,

and their Cheez Doodle fingers.

And like,

"An open letter to Jennifer Lopez...

Let me pause and just jerk off

in my shirt real quick, here.

Ugh...

Dear, Jennifer,

don't you think it's about time

you dress a little more classy?

What are your children gonna see

when they see..."

Just f***ing think of the meanest,

most biting sh*t that's gonna cut it.

As if Jennifer Lopez has time

in between eating diamonds

and f***ing all her background dancers

in a castle that she built with her ass.

But you know, "Let me check

the YouTube comments

to see if my self-esteem's on point. Oh!"

And you know who's dumber than them?

Me. 'Cause I read their sh*t

and I get mad.

I know they're stupid.

I still get upset. F***!

This is the world, folks.

This is the world we're living in.

Are we happy? I'm not sure.

- Is this what we wanted? I don't know.

- No!

- No.

- No!

- Are you sure?

- No!

Why are you doing this? What is this?

What are you doing?

Are you fighting for freedom?

- What's happening?

- No!

Are you White Panthers?

What is this?

Life sucks!

- What are you saying?

- Life can kind of suck sometimes.

Life can kind of suck?

Maybe it's how you're livin' it, b*tch.

"Life can kind of suck."

It's the greatest time ever to be alive.

"Yeah, I'd live in the old days

when you could die from crabs."

It doesn't get any better than today, man.

So stupid.

"Make America great again."

It's as good as it's ever been.

What the f*** are you saying?

We have 4G everywhere.

When has it been better?

We have Netflix.

When has it been better?

Come on, man. Stop.

It's never been better.

This is as good as it's ever been.

It's just weird. It's just weird.

You gotta get your sh*t together, b*tch.

Don't blame the world.

God damn it. Damn it, man.

And listen,

if you've seen any of this show,

and you said, "I think some of the stuff

you're saying is really funny,

but I sense a lot of, like,

macho posturing from you.

I sense a lot of, like, bullshit,

tough-guy stuff."

You're totally correct.

And what it is

is I live with all women, okay?

And I'm becoming more of a b*tch

every day of my life.

And I just wanna say I'm not unhappy.

I've never been more happy in my life.

This is the happiest I've ever been.

But when you're with all girls,

like, you have all girls all the time,

you have to make little compromises.

You don't think about it

while it's happening.

It's like the rock doesn't think

about the water carving a path through it,

but eventually,

that f***ing path is gonna get deep.

And when you're with all people

that are different than you,

they just go, "Hmm..."

They just start looking at you

like little raptors testing the fence.

They'll just start poking at you.

It's what people do. It's natural.

It's just what people do.

If you live with people that all are

on AT&T and you're on Verizon,

they're like, "Dude, look at my bars.

Make the switch. Come on over.

What are you, a f***ing Democrat, dude?

Libertarian is where it's at.

Wake up!

Join us!"

When you're with all girls,

they just start...

They constantly f*** with my manhood.

It's like, I'll come home

and some new thing is painted pink.

I'm like, "Why is this pink?"

"It looks better pink, Daddy."

"It looks better pink, Daddy."

And my wife's like,

"I think they're right."

I'm like, "Oh...

I see what the f*** is going on here.

It's mutiny!"

They just chip, chip, chip away.

It's like if my manhood

was a mountain of marbles.

Every day they steal two.

They just walk up to my stack...

You can't say sh*t.

You can't say sh*t,

'cause it's only two marbles,

and you're like,

"I still got all these marbles.

Everything is gonna be okay.

I'll deal with this eventually."

But you're not gonna deal with it.

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