Johnny English Page #2

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But please don't tell them that.

Let me go and search

for your nibbly cheese bits.

- No, no, no. I--

- I insist. The French are, after all, fantastic waiters.

- The best in the world.

- Well-- But-But--

- Wait here, and I will wait on you.

- No, really. There's no--

No. Please, please, please!

Hmm. Les Franais.

Ils sont very...

n'est-ce pas?

Ladies and gentlemen,

mesdames est messieurs,

bienvenus, welcome tonight

to this wonderful occasion.

As we stand here

in the Tower of London,

the most famous prison

in the world,

where these wonderful

jewels will rest safely...

under lock and key,

I want to thank you...

for giving me

this wonderful experience...

to contribute to the restoration

of these jewels.

It was, as we say in France,

le top, le best of.

- [Feigned Chuckle]

- And what a beautiful--

[Screaming]

[Grunts]

[Woman Screams]

It's Colonel Chevenix! He's got

a nasty wound, sir. Who hit him?

The assailant.

He ran in here.

Bough, you guard the door.

Aha!

[Grunting]

[Pounding, Grunting]

For God's sake, Bough, don't come in.

The man's a maniac!

- [Guests Gasp]

- You don't frighten me!

- [Glass Shatters]

- Missed!

[Guests Gasping]

[Grunting Continues]

[Karate Yells]

[Body Falls]

- [Guests Gasping]

- I've managed to subdue the assailant.

The panic's over.

Everything's under control.

- [Applause]

- [Chevenix Groans]

Thank you. And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

we should compose ourselves

for the arrival of Her Majesty...

and return to the site

of our great nation's...

magnificently restored

Crown Jewels.

[All Gasping]

I know. I feel it too.

The very symbols

of our island nation,

so close we could almost

reach out and--

- ## [Trumpet Fanfare]

- Pray silence for Her Majesty the Queen.

[Queen]

Oh, where are the jewels?

[Pegasus]

It's an unmitigated disaster, English.

I couldn't agree more, sir.

Well, we need to get these

jewels back, English, and fast.

Tell me about this assailant. When they

searched the room, there was no sign of him.

Well, the man was clearly

a professional.

He must have escaped while

the queen was being sedated.

But he's the only lead we've got.

We have to find him.

Come in. This is--

This is Roger from Data Support.

Please sit down. He'll produce

a likeness based on your description.

So tell us,

what did this man look like?

Um... well...

he was... big.

- Hair colour?

- Um... orange.

- Orange?

- Mmm. And curly.

Well, frizzy, actually.

Frizzy sort of thing.

- Frizzy.

- An eyepatch.

Broken nose.

Very few teeth.

Two, I would say,

at the most.

And a scar on his cheek...

in the shape... of a banana.

- Which cheek?

- Both cheeks.

They sort of met in the middle.

Are you sure about this, English?

[Gasps] Oh, yes, that's him.

An uncanny resemblance.

Why, it's just as if

he's in the room with us.

[Horn Honking, Tyres Screeching]

Wow! Look at this, sir.

Got all the bells and whistles.

Never mind about the gadgets.

Just focus on the case.

[Horn Honks]

[Engine Revs]

Oh, uh--

Good morning, gentlemen.

Thank you very much for waiting.

Now, the question that faces us

this morning is a simple one.

Namely, how did the thieves gain access

to this highly secure environment...

and then escape

with the jewels afterwards?

A simple question, but one

which I believe has a complex answer.

- Actually, sir--

- Uh, please, Bough. My mind is at work.

Now, what you must grasp, gentlemen,

is that the master criminal...

sees not a room

but a series of opportunities.

Should I go in

through the window?

Possibly.

- Should I drop down from the ceiling?

- Actually, sir--

There's one thing I think

we can be fairly confident about,

that is that they didn't

come up through the floor--

I've got you, sir.

That's all right.

Just come my way, Bough.

- That'll bring me right over the hole, sir.

- There's no need to panic.

Can you see

the bottom yet, Bough?

Not yet, sir. The shaft

appears to be narrowing.

I'm just a little bit worried

I might get stuck.

Trust me, Bough. You won't

get stuck if you just keep moving.

Yes, sir.

[Bough Grunting]

I'm okay, sir.

Are you at the bottom

now, Bough?

No, I am in fact stuck now, sir.

Oh, for God's sake, Bough.

Stay there! I'm coming down.

Uh, I'm not especially sure

that's a good idea, sir.

Don't Worry.

Be careful, sir!

Gently does it.

- [Screaming]

- Sir?

- Are you all right, sir?

- Yes. I landed on something quite soft.

- That was me, sir.

- Oh, good.

What now?

There's no way back

up there, that's for sure.

But this must lead somewhere.

I'm slightly uncomfortable in the dark, sir.

There's nothing

to worry about, Bough.

- It may be pitch black, but we can still see.

- Can we, sir? How?

The Bedouin monks of

the Al Maghreb mountains...

developed a system of sonic chanting.

- I see, sir.

- The sound of their chanting...

would bounce back

off any obstacles,

and using their highly tuned ears...

they could paint a mental

picture of the path ahead.

- Brilliant, sir.

- However, you must always sing in E-flat.

## [Humming]

# E-flat, E-flat, E-flat #

# Thank you for the music

The songs I'm singing #

- Is it working, sir?

- Extremely well, thank you, Bough.

# Thanks for all the joy that-- ##

- [Thud]

- Ow!

You all right, sir? I think

I can see something, sir.

Oh, yeah. Come on.

[Quiet Chattering]

[Man]

Here is the long one.

[Man #2]

It is a long one.

Careful.

- I knew it.

- Shall we call for backup, sir?

What? And watch some fat-bottomed

bobby make our arrest for us?

I don't think so.

Good morning, gentlemen.

MI7 at your service.

Observe, Bough, the dull

incompetence of the criminal mind.

It can never hope to match

our level of technical expertise.

- [Tyres Screeching]

- [Coughing]

- You've got it.

- [Bough] What do we do now, sir?

Watch and learn, Bough.

- They're too far ahead of us.

- Have faith, Bough. They're heading south.

[Nuns Screaming]

- There they are, sir!

- Just as I thought.

- Hang on tight, Bough.

- [Bough Groaning]

- [Horns Honking]

- We're never gonna catch them in this.

- Take the wheel, Bough. I'm getting in the Aston.

- Sir?

[Truck Horn Honking]

Change places, Bough.

I'm getting out the other side.

Sir?

Set, Bough. Take me up.

Swing me out, Bough!

- Whoa.

- Down.

- [Horn Honking]

- Up! Up!

Sorry!

Bough, pull out!

Ow! Ow!

Those idiots are right behind us.

Faster!

[Horns Honking]

Uh-huh.

[Beeping]

[Horn Honking]

Drop me here, Bough!

Ow! Oh.

No! No! No!

[Bough]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Engine Starts, Revs]

[English] They're turning into

the Brompton Cemetery.

Get here as soon as you can.

I'm going in.

In a wheelchair. But Geoffrey

overcame these terrible disabilities...

with that simple resilience

and sunny optimism...

that so warmed

all of us who knew him,

spending the rest of his life

in the service...

of the poor and disabled

of this parish.

It's very good.

Really very good.

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