Johnny English Page #3
No, no, please go on.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
- It's very entertaining.
- Who's that?
That priest act of yours should keep the
other prisoners entertained for hours.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are
my manners? Johnny English,
British Secret Service,
and you are all under arrest.
I must say you've done
this whole thing very well.
The attention to detail
is excellent.
You, the grieving granny,
you're very convincing.
Oh, look. Real tears.
Do you get paid extra for that?
Ahh, what we're all here for.
I know! Why don't we
take a look inside?
- [Mourners Gasp]
- Oh, you've nailed it down!
Why would you do that?
I know you're gonna come back
in two weeks and dig it up again.
## [Hums]
Now, what are you playing in this
little vignette of deceit and villainy?
I'm the hearse driver.
- You're the hearse driver?
- Yes, sir.
- You're the hearse driver?
- Yes, sir.
Ah! Aha!
There you are... Gunther.
Uh, I do hope he hasn't
made a nuisance of himself.
I'm Doctor, um...
Bough, of the Lunatic Response Unit.
I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't
supposed to be released until 2028.
Isn't that right, Gunther?
Yes, yes, there's been
the most monumental cock-up.
Um, if you'll excuse me,
with the deepest respect,
utmost sympathy.
Uh, he hasn't urinated
on anyone, has he?
- No.
- No, no.
That's a blessing. Are you
gonna give me the gun, Gunther?
There. That wasn't too difficult, was it?
- Are you going to come home now?
- [Speaking Gibberish]
[Speaking Gibberish]
Oh... in the van!
Yes, we are going in the van.
Yes, yes.
Vroom, vroom.
- Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.
- Yes. Yeah.
- [Gibberish]
- Yes. He's waving good-bye. Good-bye, everyone.
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, Gunther.
Mind the nice dead people.
There we go.
[Squeaks]
Oh, we'll just go to the path
here. There. Big step.
It's a graveyard. It's
where they bring people--
Yes, all right.
You can stop now.
- For appearances, I'll just hold your arm.
- Just keep walking.
In fact, run, run, run!
I can't believe I've done this.
I mean, I really
cannot believe I've done this!
You see, 200 years ago,
my family should have inherited
the throne of England,
but they were cast aside.
Well, in a few very short days,
it will be back where it belongs.
With me.
Shall I try it on?
Yes? No? Maybe?
To make you king, we need the
archbishop of Canterbury to do that.
The archbishop of Canterbury...
is being taken care of even as we speak.
TARGET ACQUIRED:
TARGET LOCKED:
There's only one thing, sir.
What are we going to do about English?
If I were you, I wouldn't worry
too much about English.
He is no threat to us.
I had his flat bugged.
[Karate Yells]
- [Yells]
- [Duck Squeaks]
Clearly, the aptly named
English is a fool.
He might be a fool, but he's
a fool who keeps showing up.
Well, the next time
he shows up,
eliminate him.
Thank you.
Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, sir.
Released from prison six months ago.
Armed robbery,
grievous bodily harm...
and combined parking
fines of more than 400--
Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough.
I think we get the picture.
The point is, sir,
that Vendetta and Klein...
are both in the employ
of Monsieur Sauvage.
- Pascal Sauvage?
- Precisely, sir.
But you're not suggesting
Sauvage is involved?
I think he's more
than just involved, sir.
I'm convinced he's
up to his French neck in it.
Don't be absurd. Sauvage
employs thousands of people.
Just because two of them
are villains doesn't mean that he is.
I want him discounted from this
investigation immediately.
Yes, sir.
All right. Tonight I shall be at Sauvage's
reception for the new French ambassador.
Any developments,
you can reach me there.
Apart from that, I don't want you
within a hundred miles of the man.
Absolutely, sir.
Requisition order: MI7 quartermasters
for immediate supply;
one military transport plane, fully fueled,
with permission for nighttime city over flight;
two night camouflage parachutes, plus reserves,
plus neoprene bodysuits, twice, in black.
I've never liked the navy blue.
And a 40-inch chest for me
'cause I need the sleeve length.
- Morning, Felch.
- Morning.
Oh, and two Special Forces signet rings,
primed and colour-coded.
- What's all this for?
- For tonight's operation.
Sauvage's headquarters.
- But Pegasus said--
- Let me worry about Pegasus.
I know that Sauvage is behind all this,
and tonight we're going to get the evidence.
- Is something wrong, sir?
- Did that sound like Felch to you?
[Whispers]
Bough--
[Whispers]
You, upstairs.
[Grunts, Groans]
Ow.
Can you see him, Bough?
He's on the upper level, sir.
Got him.
And like a coiled viper...
he strikes.
[Bough Groans]
So what you're saying, sir,
is there must have been two of them?
Oh, at least, Bough. Possibly four.
I wonder why I didn't see them.
You mustn't dwell on your mistakes.
- You must learn from them, then move on.
- Yes, sir.
- So where were you, sir?
- Just drop it, Bough!
- Aah! What is it, sir?
- That bike.
You get things sorted out for tonight.
Well, well, we meet again.
Mr English. What a pleasant surprise.
I wondered when
you might show up again.
On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is
not I who keeps showing up. It's you.
Do you like sushi?
Hmm?
Oh, sushi! I practically
live off the stuff.
You might say the mysteries
of the Orient are no mystery to me.
- Sake?
- Ah. Sake.
[Speaking Japanese]
Cheers.
May all your daughters
be born with three bottoms.
Now then, perhaps
you can explain how it is...
that I run into you
at two crime scenes...
and then can't find any record of you
on a single government computer.
Shouldn't you ask
the government that?
I am the government
and I'm asking you.
Let me.
Mmm. You're brave.
They say that sea urchin's
the ultimate acquired taste.
Hmm. It's a personal
favourite of mine.
I think people are put off
by how it feeds through its bottom.
Would you excuse me
for a moment?
[Gagging]
[Shouting In Japanese]
Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from MI7.
Sorry. I'm a secret agent.
- Everything set, Bough?
- Just about, sir.
Actually, sir, do you mind if I
run through the plan one more time?
- No, no.
- These are the two buildings here.
This one is our target, Sauvage's
headquarters, next to City Hospital.
I jump first and land
on the south side of the roof,
abseil down 14 floors and
[English] I then land on the east side
and abseil down 12 floors.
Where you wait for my signal
that I've disabled the alarm system.
- Yes.
- You them break into this window here,
work your way along the secure corridor
and penetrate Sauvage's office.
- Yes, yes.
- Is that okay, sir?
It's been okay ever since
I thought up the idea, Bough.
Oh, I nearly forgot, sir.
Your laser beacon.
- My what?
- Your laser beacon!
It'll guide you onto Sauvage's building.
Your dependence on hardware
really does amuse me, Bough.
Translation
Translate and read this script in other languages:
Select another language:
- - Select -
- 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
- 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
- Español (Spanish)
- Esperanto (Esperanto)
- 日本語 (Japanese)
- Português (Portuguese)
- Deutsch (German)
- العربية (Arabic)
- Français (French)
- Русский (Russian)
- ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
- 한국어 (Korean)
- עברית (Hebrew)
- Gaeilge (Irish)
- Українська (Ukrainian)
- اردو (Urdu)
- Magyar (Hungarian)
- मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
- Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Italiano (Italian)
- தமிழ் (Tamil)
- Türkçe (Turkish)
- తెలుగు (Telugu)
- ภาษาไทย (Thai)
- Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
- Čeština (Czech)
- Polski (Polish)
- Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
- Românește (Romanian)
- Nederlands (Dutch)
- Ελληνικά (Greek)
- Latinum (Latin)
- Svenska (Swedish)
- Dansk (Danish)
- Suomi (Finnish)
- فارسی (Persian)
- ייִדיש (Yiddish)
- հայերեն (Armenian)
- Norsk (Norwegian)
- English (English)
Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
Style:MLAChicagoAPA
"Johnny English" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/johnny_english_11364>.
Discuss this script with the community:
Report Comment
We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly.
Attachment
You need to be logged in to favorite.
Log In