Johnny English Page #3

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No, no, please go on.

I'm sorry to interrupt.

- It's very entertaining.

- Who's that?

That priest act of yours should keep the

other prisoners entertained for hours.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Where are

my manners? Johnny English,

British Secret Service,

and you are all under arrest.

I must say you've done

this whole thing very well.

The attention to detail

is excellent.

You, the grieving granny,

you're very convincing.

Oh, look. Real tears.

Do you get paid extra for that?

Ahh, what we're all here for.

I know! Why don't we

take a look inside?

- [Mourners Gasp]

- Oh, you've nailed it down!

Why would you do that?

I know you're gonna come back

in two weeks and dig it up again.

## [Hums]

Now, what are you playing in this

little vignette of deceit and villainy?

I'm the hearse driver.

- You're the hearse driver?

- Yes, sir.

- You're the hearse driver?

- Yes, sir.

Ah! Aha!

There you are... Gunther.

Uh, I do hope he hasn't

made a nuisance of himself.

I'm Doctor, um...

Bough, of the Lunatic Response Unit.

I'm afraid Gunther here wasn't

supposed to be released until 2028.

Isn't that right, Gunther?

Yes, yes, there's been

the most monumental cock-up.

Um, if you'll excuse me,

with the deepest respect,

utmost sympathy.

Uh, he hasn't urinated

on anyone, has he?

- No.

- No, no.

That's a blessing. Are you

gonna give me the gun, Gunther?

There. That wasn't too difficult, was it?

- Are you going to come home now?

- [Speaking Gibberish]

[Speaking Gibberish]

Oh... in the van!

Yes, we are going in the van.

Yes, yes.

Vroom, vroom.

- Vroom, vroom. Vroom, vroom.

- Yes. Yeah.

- [Gibberish]

- Yes. He's waving good-bye. Good-bye, everyone.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye, Gunther.

Mind the nice dead people.

There we go.

[Squeaks]

Oh, we'll just go to the path

here. There. Big step.

It's a graveyard. It's

where they bring people--

Yes, all right.

You can stop now.

- For appearances, I'll just hold your arm.

- Just keep walking.

In fact, run, run, run!

I can't believe I've done this.

I mean, I really

cannot believe I've done this!

You see, 200 years ago,

my family should have inherited

the throne of England,

but they were cast aside.

Well, in a few very short days,

it will be back where it belongs.

With me.

Shall I try it on?

Yes? No? Maybe?

To make you king, we need the

archbishop of Canterbury to do that.

The archbishop of Canterbury...

is being taken care of even as we speak.

TARGET ACQUIRED:

TARGET LOCKED:

There's only one thing, sir.

What are we going to do about English?

If I were you, I wouldn't worry

too much about English.

He is no threat to us.

I had his flat bugged.

[Karate Yells]

- [Yells]

- [Duck Squeaks]

Clearly, the aptly named

English is a fool.

He might be a fool, but he's

a fool who keeps showing up.

Well, the next time

he shows up,

eliminate him.

Thank you.

Dieter Klein and Klaus Vendetta, sir.

Released from prison six months ago.

Armed robbery,

grievous bodily harm...

and combined parking

fines of more than 400--

Uh, yes, all right. Thank you, Bough.

I think we get the picture.

The point is, sir,

that Vendetta and Klein...

are both in the employ

of Monsieur Sauvage.

- Pascal Sauvage?

- Precisely, sir.

But you're not suggesting

Sauvage is involved?

I think he's more

than just involved, sir.

I'm convinced he's

up to his French neck in it.

Don't be absurd. Sauvage

employs thousands of people.

Just because two of them

are villains doesn't mean that he is.

I want him discounted from this

investigation immediately.

Yes, sir.

All right. Tonight I shall be at Sauvage's

reception for the new French ambassador.

Any developments,

you can reach me there.

Apart from that, I don't want you

within a hundred miles of the man.

Absolutely, sir.

Requisition order: MI7 quartermasters

for immediate supply;

one military transport plane, fully fueled,

with permission for nighttime city over flight;

two night camouflage parachutes, plus reserves,

plus neoprene bodysuits, twice, in black.

I've never liked the navy blue.

And a 40-inch chest for me

'cause I need the sleeve length.

- Morning, Felch.

- Morning.

Oh, and two Special Forces signet rings,

primed and colour-coded.

- What's all this for?

- For tonight's operation.

We're going to break into

Sauvage's headquarters.

- But Pegasus said--

- Let me worry about Pegasus.

I know that Sauvage is behind all this,

and tonight we're going to get the evidence.

- Is something wrong, sir?

- Did that sound like Felch to you?

[Whispers]

Bough--

[Whispers]

You, upstairs.

[Grunts, Groans]

Ow.

Can you see him, Bough?

He's on the upper level, sir.

Got him.

And like a coiled viper...

he strikes.

[Bough Groans]

So what you're saying, sir,

is there must have been two of them?

Oh, at least, Bough. Possibly four.

I wonder why I didn't see them.

You mustn't dwell on your mistakes.

- You must learn from them, then move on.

- Yes, sir.

- So where were you, sir?

- Just drop it, Bough!

- Aah! What is it, sir?

- That bike.

You get things sorted out for tonight.

Well, well, we meet again.

Mr English. What a pleasant surprise.

I wondered when

you might show up again.

On the contrary, Miss Campbell. It is

not I who keeps showing up. It's you.

Do you like sushi?

Hmm?

Oh, sushi! I practically

live off the stuff.

You might say the mysteries

of the Orient are no mystery to me.

- Sake?

- Ah. Sake.

[Speaking Japanese]

Cheers.

May all your daughters

be born with three bottoms.

Now then, perhaps

you can explain how it is...

that I run into you

at two crime scenes...

and then can't find any record of you

on a single government computer.

Shouldn't you ask

the government that?

I am the government

and I'm asking you.

Let me.

Mmm. You're brave.

They say that sea urchin's

the ultimate acquired taste.

Hmm. It's a personal

favourite of mine.

I think people are put off

by how it feeds through its bottom.

Would you excuse me

for a moment?

[Gagging]

[Shouting In Japanese]

Excuse me. Sorry. I'm from MI7.

Sorry. I'm a secret agent.

- Everything set, Bough?

- Just about, sir.

Actually, sir, do you mind if I

run through the plan one more time?

- No, no.

- These are the two buildings here.

This one is our target, Sauvage's

headquarters, next to City Hospital.

I jump first and land

on the south side of the roof,

abseil down 14 floors and

cut through this window here.

[English] I then land on the east side

and abseil down 12 floors.

Where you wait for my signal

that I've disabled the alarm system.

- Yes.

- You them break into this window here,

work your way along the secure corridor

and penetrate Sauvage's office.

- Yes, yes.

- Is that okay, sir?

It's been okay ever since

I thought up the idea, Bough.

Oh, I nearly forgot, sir.

Your laser beacon.

- My what?

- Your laser beacon!

It'll guide you onto Sauvage's building.

Your dependence on hardware

really does amuse me, Bough.

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