Johnny English Page #6

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Unbelievable.

- And kneel.

- [Groaning]

Right. Here goes.

[Whistle:
Ascending Tone]

- [Sighs]

- [Whistle Continues]

[Tone Goes Silent]

- I can't hear anything.

- I'm into ultrasonic.

Will you just stop all this

and face facts?

We've failed. The only thing

that can save us now is a miracle.

- [Rasping Tone]

- [Lock Clicks]

It worked!

- Ohh!

- Sir?

I don't know why you hauled yourself up

that dreadful poo tube, Bough,

when there was a perfectly good ladder

right beside it.

Now, Sauvage may have

fooled the country...

with his fake archbishop

and his secret agenda,

but he hasn't fooled me.

- So, here's the plan.

- [Gasps]

## [Orchestra, Chorus: Majestic]

# Let all good people

rejoice #

[Chorus]

# Rejoice #

- # Rejoice #

- Aaah!

# Let all good people

rejoice #

# Rejoice #

# Rejoice #

# Rejoice #

# Rejoice #

# Rejoice #

# And sing ##

Sirs, you are hereby called

to witness the anointing...

of your one true lord

and future king Pascal.

Pascal, are you willing

to take the oath?

I am willing.

Then be thou anointed...

with this holy oil.

And do you, the chosen bishops

of England, Scotland and Wales,

ascent to this anointing?

For Scotland, I do.

For Wales, I do.

For England, I do not!

- [Congregation Gasping, Murmuring]

- English!

That man must not be crowned king

because he is...

a fraudster, a charlatan

and a thief.

No, please.

Let him speak.

It is this man,

Pascal Sauvage,

who stole the Crown Jewels,

who forced the queen

to abdicate...

and who would kill anyone

who got in his way.

It is the end,

Herr English.

[Yells]

[English] He has cheated,

conned and manipulated...

this great country

for his own ends.

He's fooled you all!

What's more,

this whole ceremony is a sham...

because that man

standing in front of you...

is not the archbishop

of Canterbury.

[Congregation Gasps]

English, a word of advice.

Don't go there.

Shut it, Frenchy. I'll go

wherever I damn well please.

- Now take it off.

- What?

Your face

is made of plastic.

Remove it at once.

I have no idea

what you're talking about.

Right. I'll just have to

remove it myself.

Come on!

[Grunting, Muttering]

- Maybe it pulls up from the front.

- [Archbishop Groaning]

Come on, you!

- Aaah!

- Thank you very much.

Must be a join here

somewhere.

Fascinating performance

as always, Monsieur English,

but I'm afraid

We must move on.

Nobody's moving anywhere until I'm

finished with this piece of low-life.

Do you or do you you not...

have tattooed on your bottom

the words,

''Jesus is coming--

look busy''?

- [Congregation Murmuring]

- Are you insane?

Well, let's find out,

shall we?

Go on, over.

Let's have a look.

[Screaming, Gasping]

- [Laughing Hysterically]

- Excellent!

All right, so I was wrong

about the archbishop's bottom.

- But there's more.

- But not, I'm afraid, today.

Sergeant, please

take this man away.

- But be gentle with him.

- Do you think that's it?

You think I don't have

more evidence?

My loyal subordinate

is standing by with a DVD...

which shows Sauvage's

hideous plans for this country.

Get him out!

Get him out of here!

- Play it, Bough! Play the disk!

- Play it! Now!

## [Upbeat Pop]

- [Lip Synching]

- # You're so hot teasing me #

# So you're blue, but I can't

take a chance on a chick like you #

# It's somethin'

I couldn't do #

# Well, I can dance with you, honey

if you think it's funny #

# Does your mother know

that you're out #

# And I could shout with you, baby

Flirt a little, maybe #

# Does your mother know

that you're out #

- # Take it easy #

- # Take it easy #

# Better slow down, girl

That's no way to go #

# Does your mother know #

## [Continues]

- Oi!

- Hey!

[Mutters In French]

Well, shall we?

[Sighs]

[Archbishop]

Then as Solomon was anointed king...

by Zadok the priest

and Nathan the prophet,

so be thou anointed...

and consecrated king...

over all the peoples...

whom the Lord thy God...

hath given thee to govern...

and of all your possessions,

wherever they may be.

And so,

in the name of the Father...

and of the Son...

and of the Holy Ghost,

I crown you--

[Congregation Gasping]

[Groans]

Damn it!

- Give it back!

- No!

- That is my crown!

- Never!

- Give it back!

- Never in a million years, Sauvage!

- Give it to me!

- Get off.

Merde!

[Shouting In French]

Give it back!

- Stop!

- Shut up!

[All Gasping]

All this stupid little country

have to do is stand in line...

and do what it's told

for one miserable day!

But can it do that?

My fragrant French ass,

it can!

[Gunshot]

Merde!

- [Gunshot]

- Aah!

Give it! The crown, eh?

The crown! Go!

[Shouting In French]

And so, in the name

of the Father...

and of the Son

and of the Holy Ghost,

I crown you...

king.

What--

Arrest that man...

and lock him away.

[Congregation Cheering]

# God save the king

Long live the king #

# God save the king #

## [Chorus Continues]

# Amen, amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen #

## [Continues]

# Ahh, amen, amen

Amen, hallelujah #

# Amen #

[Cheering, Applause]

[Continue]

# God save the king ##

Words can hardly express just how much

we appreciate everything you've done.

Nothing more

than my duty, ma'am.

And in return, is there anything that

your queen and country can do for you?

Well,

since one is asking,

ma'am--

[Radio Announcer] In celebration

of her return to the throne,

the queen has declared

August 5 a national holiday...

and has conferred a knighthood

on the unnamed MI7 agent...

responsible for foiling the plot of

French businessman Pascal Sauvage.

Mr Sauvage is now awaiting trial

for high treason,

a crime which still

carries the death penalty.

If found guilty, he's asked that his

brain be donated to medical science...

to further research into the causes

of hyper manic schizophrenia.

Meanwhile, the unnamed English agent

has left the country...

and has already embarked

on his next challenging mission.

SOMEWHERE:

IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE

[Lorna]

Sir Johnny English.

Her Majesty

did seem very grateful.

She's not the only one.

Mmm. You are

full of surprises.

Aaaah!

- Johnny!

- Oh, f--

# One eye on the shadows #

# Protecting his fellows #

# From sunup

to the moon on his back #

# Sendin' villains to Hades

A hit with the ladies #

# A stallion in the sack #

# You can't get your life back

when right follows left, jack #

# The more you see

the less you know #

# When others would leak it

his service is secret #

# Plays God

when it's your time to go #

# Hey, fellas

Don't be jealous #

# When they made him

they broke the mould #

# So charismatic

with an automatic #

# Never prematurely

shooting his load, ha #

# Queen and country

safe and sound #

# With villains

six feet underground #

# And no one knows 'cause

no one's found any trace #

# Of a man for all seasons #

# Loves 'em

and leaves 'em alone #

# So alone #

# And you and I

wouldn't have a clue #

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