Johnson Family Vacation Page #3

and humid with a high of 96.

With the winds out of the east

at 1 4 miles per hour, it's currently...

Nate, the kids are tired.

It's been a long day.

Let's just start fresh tomorrow.

Oh, I guess watching me drive

wore you guys out, huh?

We're not scheduled to stop

until Boulder City.

I don't plan on stopping

till we get there.

Oh, that's a shame.

'Cause there's nothing

that I wouldn't do for a...

nice, hot... bath.

Anything?

Anything.

All right.

Dang, Dad.

Here we go.

Okay.

Okay, you guys wait right here.

I'll get the rooms.

- Welcome. And here are your keys.

- Thank you.

You know, I'm planning

a special evening tonight.

Do you have any roses, some champagne,

box of fine chocolates?

- No.

- Oh.

I'll take a couple of those

chocolate Easter bunnies.

Let me get the, uh...

the diet champagne?

And, uh, all the candles

that you have.

- We don't carry candles.

- Okay, well, is that... Yeah.

- Give me a road flare.

- That's for emergency use only.

This is an emergency.

Does your wife...

know what you're up to?

Well, actually, no.

She doesn't.

I'm keeping this

a little bit a secret from her.

Oh, yes. I bet. I bet you are.

- No, no.

- Listen, player.

I don't know what kind of

twisted affair you're having...

but it's not gonna happen

in my hotel.

Oh, no. Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Please.

Look. I have a surprise evening

planned for my lovely wife.

She's right outside

in the car with the kids.

I mean, that's why I got

the two rooms.

That's the sweetest thing

I've heard in years.

Oh.

And take all your goodies.

- Free of charge. On me.

- Gladys, you don't have to do that. Thank you.

Oh, please.

Husbands like you give me hope.

You got a brother?

Uncle?

- How old's your son?

- Glad... Gladys?

- You're cutting off my circulation.

- Oh. Sorry.

Hey.

Your room isn't ready yet...

but I'm gon' check on it.

Meanwhile, why don't you

get the kids settled in...

and I'll see you in a second.

Oh, yeah.

- Swimming trunks, please.

- Oh.

- Charge it to the room. Thank you.

- You got it.

Ooh, yes, he does.

Wow.

- Nate, what are you doing?

- I just, um...

brought you a little something

to help you relax.

That's what I'm talkin' about

right there.

Some bubbles

with the bubbles.

Mmm.

Plus, uh, some chocolates.

Shh, shh.

Gonna get in there with you, girl.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! Oh.

That's all right there.

Good. Aah.

That's a...

Whoo.

What, you in there

cookin' neck bones, girl?

Ee-yah!

Ooh!

Aah! Gee.

Gonna fool around

and make some coffee in here.

All right. That is...

That is... That's warm.

Oh, man.

Yeah. You know, uh...

it's been a long time

since I've been in our Jacuzzi.

I was thinking...

maybe we can do that thing...

we used to do in ourJacuzzi.

Nate, I am not

getting my hair wet.

Besides, we haven't

solved anything.

Well, um, we could

solve one thing right now.

Either here...

or back up at the room.

You know, it's been three months.

Yeah, it's been three months.

That's what I'm sayin'.

It's been three months.

Yeah, three months.

Right.

Ninety days. Right?

How about, uh,

we, uh, go up to the roof?

Oh, yeah?

Or better yet, why don't we,

uh, go out to the truck?

Oh, no, baby. Anywhere but the truck.

I got to turn that back in.

Maybe we can, uh, do...

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- No.

- Yeah.

- You serious?

- Yeah.

In here? You serious?

We never done that before.

Okay. All right.

Girl, you real... Oh, you're wild.

Going back to your old days.

Hey, hey.

Yeah. All right.

Come on. Your turn.

Um...

you know, I...

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Be right back.

Bathroom.

- Dorothy, you're comin' back, right?

- Uh-huh.

Don'tjust leave me out here

all alone.

Dorothy, come on.

Quit playin'.

- Oh, no.

- Good night, Nate.

Dorothy! All right.

Dorothy, see...

See what you done did.

Come on, Dorothy. Why you...

What the hell?

What's goin' on?

Why y'all all up on me?

Yeah.

Uh-oh.

Uh, ladies,

if y'all see a snake, um...

trust me, he won't bite you.

- Diet champagne.

- Ooh, Easter bunnies.

- My favorite.

- Hey.

What the...

Oh. Nate.

Ohh.

So, Mr. Johnson.

- Which one's your wife?

- Hey, it's not what it looks like.

Well, guess you won't

be needing these.

Oh, no, no.

Come on. I'm gonna need those.

Come on, Gladys.

Well, uh, ladies, um...

I have to go see

a man about a horse.

Gonna get out of here.

- Y'all have a pleasant evening.

- Uh-huh.

Oh, watch it.

Hey. Oh, come on now.

- We won't peek.

- Hey. Oh. Hey!

Hey. Oh!

I saw your...

Watch your hand. Whoa-ho!

- Bull's-eye. Bull's-eye.

- I'm not like that.

That belong to somebody. Come on.

Don't look. I'm shy.

Don't... Y'all. Come on.

Whoo.! Oh.!

Who does your bikini wax?

Hey, girl, how was your treatment?

Oh, it was wonderful.

Go, go.

There'll be plenty of time

for that tomorrow, okay?

Hey. Tom, Judy.

How you guys doin'?

It's a mighty fine evening.

Why don't you get rid of

the kids and the clothes...

- and we're all playing

butt-naked Uno up in 304. - Daddy.!

Nate.

Yes?

You know what you're doing?

Mm-hmm.

- Well, could you stop?

- Nope.

Why are you taking this out on me?

You brought this on yourself.

- Hello.

- Hello, Dorothy.

- Hey, you.

- I miss you. Where are you?

Um, outside of Santa Fe,

New Mexico.

"You"? Who is "you"?

Stan, please. I'm with my family.

Stan.

- Study partner, my...

- Daddy.

What's that big building over there...

right over there?

That's a mall?

It's more than a mall, sweetie.

That's Outlet 800.

It's over 800

top designers' wholesale outlets.

I just read about it

in my travel guide here.

Daddy, can we stop

and check it out?

- Oh, no, sweetie. No, no, no.

- Please?

No can do.

We could, uh, lose a whole afternoon...

- in their state-of-the-art day

spa theyjust built. - Day spa?

But you know what?

I got something better planned for us.

We're gonna stop

at Little Tanawanda Village.

Nikki, you remember?

That was your favorite place.

- No, I don't.

- She was two years old.

And I didn't sign up

for some old Indian village...

or to see

the world's largest ball of yarn.

You said "family reunion. " That means

straight to Caruthersville and straight back.

"The I-10 by 10:
00."

Oh, yeah. That's funny.

That's funny, Dorothy.

You know what?

This is important, okay?

Now, I didn't tell you this before,

but I'm one-eighth and 3/1 4ths Cherokee.

All right. That's why I got the baby hair.

- Sometimes I have to shave that.

- Baby hair?

- Where's this baby hair?

- Come on. You know that get me started.

Ah, man.

I'm knocked out.

Pardon me.

Excuse me.

Can you tell me

where's Little Tanawanda?

This is Little Tanawanda.

- Dad, I'm hittin' the arcade.

- Okay, son.

You mean to tell me...

That this is Little Tanawanda?

- Yeah.

- Okay. All right.

My man.

Why don't you just lead me to some...

real, old-school Indians...

that are, uh,

still keepin' it real.

Wait, uh, right here.

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