Johnson Family Vacation Page #4

I think I know someone

who can show you, uh...

- how to get to where the real Indians live.

- Thank you.

Hey, uh, Navarro,

we got a big spender over here...

who wants to know how to

get to where the real Indians live.

Daddy, can we go now?

Just a second, babe. All right?

I got a little something workin' right here.

Daddy, can we go now?

We're about to get some directions

to a real Indian village.

Daddy, I don't care about

no little Indian village. All I wanna do...

Ahh. Take our time

and get those directions.

How.

- My name's Navarro.

- Uh-huh.

I hear you seek

real Indian village.

I think I can help you...

and your daughter.

We are here.

Way at the top.

If you follow

Running Bear River south...

as the sparrow flies...

then take

Walking Buffalo Road east...

- a half moon to the crossing.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's way too much energy there, Red Bull.

All right? Bring it down.

And then ride bareback

I'm in a truck. All right?

A Lincoln Navigator.

Oh. Just take I-53 northeast.

I'm gon' take that service road.

- Beautiful.

- What you say your name was again?

- Navarro.

- Oh, okay. I see.

Okay. Um, in the land

of my ancestors...

some tribes may be, uh,

reluctant to embrace you.

Therefore, I strongly recommend you

wear something that gives you authority.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I remember wearing one of these.

- Yeah.

That's right. I can make it rain.

How about me

giving you my number?

Hi-how-are-ya! Hi-how-are-ya!

I'm going to lunch.

My number in case you get lost.

- All right.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Back off my daughter, man...

before you end up

being called Little Broken Jaw.

- Daddy, what are you doing?

- Come here. What is your problem, huh?

You know what? I am not a little girl

anymore. Those days are way over.

- I can handle myself.

- You can what?

You gonna get handled, you keep talking...

I don't know who you think...

You've been gone three months, and then

you're gonna try and tell me what to do.

- You live up the street, remember?

- Gi...

You're gonna need some allowance money.

That's what you'll remember.

Get in the car.

And you... I... I'll fight

an Indian. All right?

I dance with wolves, okay?

And as for you, little miss pocahontas...

until we get to the reunion,

your little fast tail is grounded.

- You can't ground me in no car.

- I can't ground you? Oh, really?

How about no more TV?

- So? I ain't watchin' no TV.

- Mm-hmm.

No more computer.

- And no more cell phone.

- Daddy.

See? Just like home.

You are now entering Colorado,

the Centennial State.

Look, Daddy.

That lady needs a ride.

Kids, look. Remember,

if I never taught you anything else...

never pick up strangers.

She could have just as well

been a serial killer.

We are in the middle of nowhere.

Tell me you're not about to

pick up a hitchhiker.

Baby, what would Jesus do?

Thanks for picking me up...

and, um, opening the door.

No one does that no more.

You must be a real man.

Uh... I... I'm Nate Johnson,

and, uh, that's Nikki.

- Hi.

- That's DJ.

- Hey. What's up?

- And that's little Destiny.

And, uh, this is Dorothy.

She lives down the street.

- Daddy.

- Well, it's true. She does.

- So, what's your name?

- Chrishelle.

Chrishelle Rene Boudreau.

Boudreau.

You hear that?

- Don't we have some Boudreaus down in Shreveport?

- No.

You know, I thought you had

that Johnson look.

Well, if you're family, you should

ride down to Caruthersville with us.

It's our family reunion.

DJ., you can't give out

that information to strangers.

Uh, no offense, Chrishelle.

I understand.

There are some crazy people

out there.

- Hey, Nikki.

- Yes?

- Take a picture of me and Chrishelle.

- No, no, no.

Uh, some people say if you're

ever caught on film, you lose your soul.

Are we there yet?

I'm starvin'.

No, Daddy,

I'm about to pass out.

Hold on, everyone.

Heaven is just around the corner.

Bun World. One mile.

I want Chuck E. Cheese.

Boy, what are you doing?

Are your braids too tight?

Put that down. You know we say grace.

And since Chrishelle here

is our guest...

I'd like you to bless the food,

if you don't mind.

Sure. All right.

Close your eyes.

God is great, God is...

Daddy, Sir Barks-A-Lot

ran away.

No, baby. No, he didn't.

Come on. Sweetie.

- Okay. All right.

- I love you, Sir Barks-A-Lot.

Have a seat back down.

Honey, you got me.

- Sorry, Daddy.

- I'll get it.

- No, you won't.

- What?

Uh, look, I'm gonna go to the restroom

and, uh, get this off.

Chrishelle,

finish blessing the food.

Can you cover for me?

- Whoops.

- Excuse me. I'm the one who called about the birthday cake.

They're putting

the finishing touches on it now.

- Uh, where is your bathroom?

- Just past the pool table.

God is great,

God is good.

Let us thank him

for our food.

Friends of the night,

please cover us.

Black as a pit.

Deeper than the depths of the abyss.

I call upon

the power of darkness...

to help me cast this unbreakable spell.

Make us all as one.

Chrishelle, Dorothy...

Nikki, Destiny, Nate

and his son.

Amen.

Okay. All righty.

Here we go.

Oh.!

Hey, buddy, you okay in there? 'Cause it

smell like the circus done came to town.

Damn it.

No toilet paper.

Oh, well.

Ahhh. Ah, my cake spatula.

Almost forgot that.

Hey, buddy. You know how

to spell "Destiny"?

Never mind.

I'll figure it out.

Enjoy your lunch.

I know they say the Navigator is supposed

to seat eight people comfortably...

but I don't think they meant

all in the front seat.

Dorothy, okay, I've got us

a couple of rooms here.

One for the guys,

one for the girls.

- Looks like we're roommates.

- Adjoining rooms.

Uh, Nate, sweetie...

why don't we give our guest

a room for herself?

You know how Destiny loves to

snore the paint off the walls.

And, um, you can sleep

with me and the kids.

Oh, yeah. That's funny. Maybe, uh,

we can just meet in the hot tub again.

Uh, I don't mind sharin'.

Snoring doesn't bother me none.

See? Right there.

Chrishelle doesn't mind.

No, Nate. I insist

you sleep with me.

Okay, all right.

The begging is not becoming of you.

Good night.

I'll see y'all tomorrow.

I'll see you in a minute.

- What is goin' on?

- Slackin' on your pimpin', Dad.

You need to ditch her.

Let me see those toes.

Are they nice and clean? Yeah?

- Yeah, Mom.

- "Yeah, Mom. "

- St... Stop playin'.

- Will you stop?

- Go back.

- Stop hogging the TV.

Well, why don't you go

talk on your cell phone?

Oh. Oh. I forgot.

You grounded.

- I can't stand your ugly butt.

- Capital "G." Oh!

- Why you do that?

- I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad.

- All right. Enough.

- See?

I guess I found the only Chuck E. Cheese

in the whole state.

- Okay. Look.

- I'm the oldest. I'm the oldest.

Settle down. No one eats until

your sister eats. It's her birthday.

- Daddy.

- Okay.

All right.

Here we go.

I hope she enjoys this.

Destiny, Daddy's got

a surprise for you.

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