Julien Donkey-Boy Page #4

He loves me,

he loves me not.

He loves me,

he loves me not.

The mailman loves me,

he loves me not.

The mailman loves me,

he loves me not.

The mailman loves me,

he loves me not.

I hate the mailman!

- Hello?

- Mommy?

- Hello, Julien?

- Mommy!?

- Hi!

- Hi, Mommy.

- Hi!

- Mommy.

I can call you "Mother"?

- Mom?

- Yes?

- Hi.

- Hi, Julien.

- Hi, Mom.

- How are you?

I'm doing real good, Mom.

I'm fine.

I'm a lot better now.

Are you a dietitian, still,

or are you a waitress?

No, no.

I'm neither one now.

Okay. I know.

You're a cop.

A traffic cop.

Like a female police officer

of the law.

No. No.

I'm a dentist now.

I fix people's teeth

when they're in pain.

Uh-huh.

What do you do to dentist?

Did you go to law school?

No, I'm just a basic

general dental practitioner.

People come to see me

when they have, you know,

mouth pain or different

sorts of ailments,

and different sorts

of gum diseases.

Are you going to participate

in any plastic surgery there?

No, sometimes when people

smoke too frequently

their teeth get dirty

and me and my staff

will whiten them

with special dental tools.

What about my teeth, Mom?

I got--

I got gold fronts.

Chris got me

some gold fronts.

My baby brother got me some

gold fronts for my birthday.

That was very nice of him.

Yeah. I can eat through

apples and table tops.

I don't believe you.

I love you, Mom.

I miss you, Mom.

I wish you were still here.

Like when I was

a little baby, Mom.

Yeah.

I love you too, Julien.

And I'm watching you.

All those voices you're hearing,

those are just friendly voices.

No one's out to get you.

No one wants to hurt you.

Right?

Julien?

I wish you were

still here, Mom,

like when I was six,

when I was six you sang me

"Frere Jacques."

"Frere Jacques, Frere Jacques,

dormez vous? "

When I was six,

Pearl was four.

Chris was just

a little baby, Mom.

Remember Chris was just

a little baby?

He killed you

in the hospital.

When they took you away

in the hospital

and they killed you dead.

Remember, Mom?

Chris was just

a little baby boy.

How are your teeth, Julien?

- They're okay.

- Are you brushing daily?

Remember to brush in the crevices,

and in between the teeth,

because that's where

the majority of cavities arrive.

And then floss weekly,

at least,

the minimum you must floss

is once a week.

I promise. I will, I will.

I promise, Mom.

I'll floss like

when you were still alive,

when you were

still in the house.

I'll floss like I did

before you were dead, Mom.

I'll floss like that.

I promise.

Okay, I've got to go.

I got to go.

I love you, Mom.

I really love you.

I love you, too.

I love you, too.

You're my best friend.

You're my best friend, okay?

- Okay. I love you too, Julien.

- I love you too, Mom.

Take good care of your teeth

and you'll always be a happy person.

Okay, Julien?

Bye.

- Mom?

- Yes?

- Bye, Mom.

- Bye.

I love you. Bye.

This is gonna be

the world-famous ground flip.

Pearl, Pearl, Pearl.

I got a--

I got a--

I got a poem.

You want to hear it?

Yeah.

Daddy, can I read a poem?

Okay.

"Midnight chaos...

Eternity chaos...

Morning chaos,

eternity chaos,

noon chaos, eternity chaos,

evening chaos,

eternity chaos, midnight chaos,

eternity chaos,

morning chaos, eternity chaos,

noon chaos--

evening chaos,

eternity chaos,

midnight chaos,

eternity chaos...

morning chaos,

eternity chaos,

noon chaos,

eternity chaos,

evening chaos,

eternity chaos...

midnight chaos,

eternity chaos,

noon chaos, eternity chaos,

evening chaos, eternity chaos..."

Julien, cut it out.

"Morning chaos, eternity chaos..."

You're repeating "Chaos, chaos."

It doesn't even rhyme.

- It rhyme with chaos.

- Oh, come on.

Come on, stop that.

That's not a poem.

I'm not finished.

- "Midnight--"

- What kind of poem is that?

It doesn't even rhyme.

You repeat "Chaos, chaos."

It doesn't even rhyme.

- How about that?

- "Midnight..."

Shut up. Shut up.

I don't like it because

it's so artsy-fartsy.

You see, I like

the real stuff.

I like something like, uh,

the end of "Dirty Harry."

I saw this "Dirty Harry,"

and the end is really--

a terrific showdown.

What?

There was this

tremendous shoot out.

You should better listen.

Just listen.

Grandmama, listen.

Just listen.

There was this shoot out.

Dirty Harry has

this bad guy cornered.

I mean, he was

a real bad guy,

and there's this

tremendous shoot out.

They're really exchanging

lots of fire.

They're shooting bullets

at each other

and they keep missing.

At the end the bad guy

somehow drops his gun.

It's just down there

on the bottom.

Harry hovers over him,

and now Harry, he is really

full of contempt.

Harry's standing there,

he's totally full of contempt,

and he says to him,

"We've wasted many of our bullets.

Do you think there's still

a bullet left in your gun? "

and he says to him,

"You know, now you've got

to ask yourself a question:

'Do I feel lucky?'"

At that moment, the bad guy

lunges for his gun,

raises it

and it goes, "click."

He hasn't got a bullet left.

And Harry blasts him away.

He blasts him into a river.

He knocks him off the feet

and blasts him away.

You see,

that's good stuff.

I truly like that.

I don't like

the artsy-fartsy thing.

I think I hated his poem.

Now, Chris I'd like

to see you do that.

You see, it's all balance.

I'd like to see that.

You're really balancing.

I mean, in the balance.

in the balance.

You know what I had to do

when I was a ski jumper

when I was your age?

We had a real, real

mean nasty trick to do.

We put a cigarette

on the ground--

just like that--

and a glass of water.

You just gotta step

on this glass,

and you have to pick it up,

you have to balance.

You have to pick it up

with your mouth without falling.

It's really a tough one.

- You can do it?

- I don't think I can anymore,

but you should be able

to do it.

It's all balance.

Argh!

Could you ever do it?

Yeah, it was difficult,

but I could do it.

You see, I really wanted

to be a champion.

I really wanted

to be good.

He's going to do it,

Grandmama.

Yeah, that's it.

All right.

All right.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

That's good.

You're gonna do it.

In two or three weeks,

you're gonna do that.

I just did it.

Yeah, but you fell.

You see you've got to

raise up again,

and smoke the cigarette.

That's a proud man who smokes

a cigarette like that.

- I don't smoke.

- You'll learn it.

All right.

All right.

"My bonnie...

lies over the ocean."

Everybody know that one?

"My bonnie lies over the ocean,

my bonnie lies

over the sea,

my bonnie lies

over the ocean,

oh, bring

my poor bonnie to me.

Bring back,

bring back,

bring back my bonnie

to me..."

That's my son up there!

"My bonnie lies over

the ocean,

but my bonnie doesn't lie

over me!"

Let's party!

It's a great act

for blind people.

My first wife

did that.

Not with cigarettes, though.

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