Just Before I Go Page #3

- Teddy?!

Teddy Morgan, holy sh*t, man!

Good to see you!

What's going on?! What's it been?

Like 20 years or something?

Ted, man...

I was such a dick. A huge di...

I mean like the biggest dick.

Mother of all d*cks, for sure.

I think about it

all the time, too, you know?

My dickness.

I'm a totally different person,

you gotta believe me on this. I mean I...

I'm not such a dick anymore.

I'm a pretty happy dude, actually. You know?

Well, for what it's worth, I...

I really appreciate you

acknowledging your dickness.

You bet. You deserve it, man.

It all changed for me

when I met my wife.

- Late wife.

- Sorry.

Yeah.

You remember her, Teddy?

Kathy Sorenson. Little bitty thing.

She was president of the French Club.

Remember she had a dead tooth,

like, until eighth grade?

- Kind of a bubble butt.

- Yeah, sounds familiar.

How'd she pass?

It was a...

it was an aneurism, actually.

- We have a son. Henry.

- All right.

Yeah, he's just about the sweetest kid

you'd ever want to meet in your whole life.

- Rawly!

- Sir.

You know where I caught this little guy?

Throwing rabbit pellets everywhere.

I told you,

this ain't no goddamn day care.

- Sorry, Dad.

- Sorry?!

It's hard to tell

who the dummy is at times.

Hey, Henry, how you doing?

Come sit here with me.

Want you to say hi to my friend.

Say "hi" to Ted. Hi, Ted.

- That means he likes you.

- Hey.

- This is Greta, his friend.

- Hottie.

Hey, baby bro. You hungry? Kathleen

really outdid herself tonight. Meat loaf.

Almost gave myself a speeding ticket 'cause

I couldn't wait to get home and dig in.

Thanks. I'm kind of tired.

Come on. It only tastes

a little bit like dog food.

Kathleen.

Oh, no. Come on!

You know what?

Just speed it up. Speed it up.

How come you never

hear her get out of bed?

Shut up. How come

you don't deadbolt the door?

I did!

Guys, find a c*nt, pick it up,

all day long you've got good luck.

I'm having to rethink

this whole Penny/c*nt thing.

Ted, school starts in 15 minutes.

I'll meet you in the car. All right?

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Whether 'tis nobler to suck dick.

Will you fu... leave him the f*** alone.

What? What do you got against

having a little fun, dude?

So, Romeo, what is it?

Are you a top or a bottom?

What, you don't remember, Pete?

That afternoon under the bleachers

must have meant nothing to you?

- F*** you.

- Stop! Stop. Stop. Releax.

Will you get the f*** outta here?

Stop. Come on, man.

Hey, you were supposed

to pick me up this morning.

Hello, I am talking to you.

I'm trying to film a suicide note here.

Can you stop and help a girl out, please?

You know why I didn't pick you up?

Because this is none of your business.

Okay. Fine.

Yeah, hi, is this the police department?

I need to speak with the chief of police

right away. It's an emergency.

It involves a family member.

Yeah, I can hold.

- You're full of sh*t.

- Oh, really?

Do you hear that? That's Scandal.

That's the official hold music

of the Kempton police department.

It's really too bad, too,

because I have this way

of helping you cross a thing

off your list.

Shootin' at the walls of heartache

Bang, bang, I am the warrior...

- Why aren't you buying anything?

- 'Cause I don't want anything.

I heard an old friend works here.

Thought I'd say hi.

Okay. Well, fine by me. I needed

a box of emergency plugs anyway.

I'm more at the tail end of my period,

so it's kind of a precaution,

but... you know, good to have.

If it's okay with you,

maybe we could keep a little mystery

with our totally not knowing

each other at all?

I'm sorry. Did I share too much,

Mr. I'm Gonna Kill Myself?

Ted Morgan?

Vickie Serrone?

I have some change, Ted.

Thanks.

Where have you been?

I haven't seen you in years.

- I've been living out in Los Angeles.

- You visiting your mom and Lucky?

Yeah. Yeah, it's been a long time, so...

Anyways, what have you been up to?

You look great.

Ted, it's okay, I've seen my reflection.

My feet, no, but my reflection...

Are you married?

I sure as hell wouldn't let myself

get like this if I wasn't.

I'm Vickie Dansik now.

- Five kids.

- Five?! Wow.

Is this your wife?

No, no. She's...

Greta. I'm a... friend of the family.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, too.

I'd love to catch up.

Maybe we could go out for a drink.

- Sure.

- Great. Let me get your number.

I'm sorry. What was that all about?

She was one of the few people who was

ever kind to me. Is that enough info?

Yeah, but what do you have to catch up on?

I mean, you're gonna kill yourself.

What, are you trying to drum up

attendance at your funeral?

Holy sh*t, she's like

a part of your list, isn't she?

I mean, I don't know what part,

but... am I right?

So what if she is?

Look, are we done today?

- You are one sick f***.

- I'm glad you're amused.

Oh, hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, really.

Look, you can go, you can do your thing,

but we have to do one thing first.

Trust me, this is a stop

you're gonna want to make.

Okay, so, they give her

her meds at 10:
00.

It's 11:
00 now.

This is when she's most coherent.

So the rules are, you can tell her

what your beef is... period.

You can say you hate her

or whatever else you want,

but no shouting, no swearing,

no obscene gestures, got it?

- Can I flick her in the forehead?

- No! You can shake the bed a little.

My dad left when I was three.

I remember that they were fighting.

I was sweeping.

I started hitting him

in the foot with the broom.

Then I was yelling, "Stop, stop."

And then the next time I saw him was...

right after my mom died.

I thought that he was coming

to take me with him...

'cause he brought me this big bag of candy.

Like bigger than my head and a dress.

And then that night he and Nana

got in a really big fight and...

the next day he was gone.

And the next time that I saw him was...

two years later at his funeral.

I'm sorry.

I know how hard it was to lose a parent.

I can't imagine losing both.

You know, it wasn't losing

the actual them that was so hard

'cause they weren't really there

to begin with, but...

it was the idea...

of them that was crippling.

- Can I ask you something?

- Sure.

Are you good at climbing trees?

What?

Sh*t, this is high.

Relax, worst-case scenario,

you slip and die. Mission accomplished.

- What's that for?

- Carve your initials.

See?

Susan plus Greta.

That's me and my mom. We came up here,

like, the week before she died.

Your mom climbed a tree

a week before she died of cancer?

Where there's a will, you know?

Anyway... carve.

You have to leave something behind.

Some proof that... that you were here.

Who knows, a hundred years from now,

two people who we'll never know

could be sitting in this same tree

looking at our initials.

That's important why?

Because then it's like we're still here.

- So, what are you up to now?

- I'm meeting Rawly for beers tonight.

Can you believe I've gone

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