Just Friends Page #5

My snow globe collection.

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride

in a one-horse open sleigh...

- Oof! Stupid rental skates.

- Ooh!

You know what?

You're a lot better than before.

- I'm wearing figure skates from the '30s.

- Here, let me help you.

Okay, I can do it myself, okay?

I'm good. I'm good now.

Hey.

- So...

- So...

- How's the love life?

- Lame.

- Marty and I broke up a year ago.

- Ooh, another jerk, huh?

- "Another jerk, huh?"

- I'm kidding...

I'm just saying you

dated a lot of jerks

back in high school,

that's all.

So how about you? You in love

with anyone besides yourself?

No.

I've really just

been dating, you know?

Just trying to look

for my soulmate.

You didn't buy that,

did you?

Maybe you

should try harder.

Or I could try this.

Oh...

Hey guys,

it's Miss Palamino!

Yay!

Hi, guys.

Sarah and Joey

and Brett. Hi!

- What, you... you know these kids?

- Yeah, I substitute teach

- their class.

- Hey, um, we're having a pickup game.

We could use some more bodies.

You guys play?

You know Chris is a great player,

but he has rentals.

- A good skater can skate in anything.

- Yeah!

I'm in.

Okay, guys. Keep it clean.

- Oof!

- Shoot it!

Get it in!

And goal!

- What was that?!

- You're pathetic!

I'm sorry, okay?

It's just these damn

rental skates.

It's fine. Just don't cuss in front

of the children.

Potty mouth.

Get him, Terry!

Ow!

He hacked me!

Wanna fight, punk?

- What, are you kidding me?

- Fight!

Fight! Fight!

Fight! Fight!

All right, all right,

break it up, break it up.

What is your problem?

She's just a child.

- That's a girl?

- P*ssy!

- Yeah!

- All right!

Okay, listen. We're getting

creamed out there.

- It's his fault.

- You suck, Brander.

- Hey.

- I brand you "Suckster."

- Oh my... that's enough.

- Hey.

Now Chris is trying

his best here.

Sorry, Miss Palamino,

but he's just so terrible.

- I'm not terrible.

- Suckster! Suckster! Suckster! Suckster!

- Maybe you should call it a day.

- No, I can do this!

- Suckster! Suckster. Suckster! Suckster...

- Hey!

I'm a really good skater,

little girl!

Watch! You might

learn something!

I'm taking this one.

Me?

Ah!

Chris, no!

Ahh!

No!

No slap shots!

Suckster! Suckster!

Suckster! Suckster!

Suckster!

Suckster! Suckster!

- What a schmuck.

- Don't worry, Chris. You're gonna be fine.

Oh...

- Wow.

- Well, it looks like I was

- in the right place at the right time, Miss...

- Yeah.

Palamino?

Jamie Palamino.

- Dusty Dinkleman?

- Ah, yeah.

Actually, I go by

"Dusty Lee" now, but yeah.

- "Dutty Nee?"

- Thanks for saving me.

Yay, Dusty!

- You remember Chris Brander?

- Eeh.

- Boo...

- Oh, yeah.

Seen better days, I guess, huh, pal?

Hey, listen, I don't

want to make this weird,

but you look incredible.

- So do you.

- Really glad you dropped in.

Ow!

Cool...

Sorry about that, buddy.

Here we go.

Late '20s.

Male Caucasian

with multiple lacerations on lower

mandible and possible concussion.

Transport en route,

over.

- 104.

- So, uh, Jamie,

- you still living in town?

- Oh, yeah, I just moved back.

Oh, really?

Me too.

- It's a small world.

- No kidding.

Jeez, you know,

I cannot get over

how great you look.

Oh, pfft. Me?

Look at you!

Yeah, I guess

my skin cleared up

and I lost my stammer,

but I still play

a mean guitar.

I'm actually only doing this part-time

till I can make it in music.

You know, Chris is in the music business

too. He could probably help you.

Oh, hey.

Easy there, Gretzky.

Shh.

You know, we should hang out,

you know, have lunch sometime?

I would love

to have lunch.

Um, where can I give you

my phone number?

Just write it on this.

Jamie Palamino.

This is bullshit!

You haven't aged a peep.

What do you know

about Dusty Dinkleman?

- You mean Dusty Lee?

- Yeah.

Works in the building,

drives ambulance. Why?

Well check this out.

So I'm out with Jamie again...

Another day date?

Yes. Anyway,

we're having

a great time

and then Dusty shows up

out of nowhere,

and then Jamie

gives him her number.

Hey, didn't Dusty have like

a huge crush on Jamie?

- Uh...

- Yeah, you got some

competition there, Chris.

I mean, Dusty is a really nice guy.

Yeah, well Jamie

doesn't date nice guys.

She puts them in

the friend zone

and then tortures

the sh*t out of them.

I don't know. Jamie's come

a long way since high school.

I think she

might be maturing.

Maturing?

So that's why

she went with Dusty.

She wants

a sensitive guy...

more like the old me.

Well, if she wants

Mr. Rogers,

then I'm going

to show her

the biggest p*ssy

she's ever seen.

Yeah.

Okay, we're done.

Now, uh...

you're gonna need to wear this

for the next few days

until those stitches

are ready to come out.

And here you go. Huh?

Just like your old yearbook picture.

Feel my love from afar.

Come in!

- Can I come in?

- I just said that.

I brought magazines.

Ugh, these are old.

- Flowers?

- Those are daisies.

- How about snacks?

- Carbs? Are you kidding me?

I can't eat that crap.

I'm just trying

to be helpful.

Well you're not.

So vamoose.

- I guess I'll just leave you now.

- No, wait wait.

I'm sorry I'm being

such a biatch.

It's just that I'm supposed

to be in Paris and I'm not,

and I'm going out of my mind

with boredom!

I mean, my Sidekick

broke and l...

I haven't had sex

in, like, forever.

And I'm so horny.

I'm horny.

Wait a minute.

- How old are you?

- I'm 22... 20... 19...

I'm... I'm 18.

Eighteen.

So do you really have

my poster on your wall?

- Yeah.

- Do you ever like...

All the time.

How many times in a day?

- Eight.

- Eight?!

Eight? Oh my God,

that's hot.

- You're hot.

- I know, I know.

- Oh, ow.

- Are you okay?

Oh, my back

is killing me.

Oh, I could

give you a massage.

Oh, would you mind?

Not at all.

- Oopsie, I'm naked.

- You're naked.

Do you have any oil?

Right back.

What took you

so long?

- Show me what you've got, baby.

- Okay.

Baby, ooh!

Ooh, more more!

- Okay, enough. Enough!

- Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Hey hey.

Merry Christmas, neighbor.

Gee... hey!

- Ooh, yeah.

- Mikey likey,

- Mikey likey, Mikey likey, Mikey likey...

- Yeah...

Oh! Where the hell

have you been?!

I was getting you food.

- Are you wearing braces?

- It's not braces.

It's a retainer

and it's not that bad.

- Ha, you look like a doofus!

- Doofus!

Doofus! Doofus!

Doofus! Doofus!

Doof...

Chris?

Mommy.

So pretty.

Honey, look what

just came for you.

It's a "Get well soon"

card from Jamie.

- Boo.

- Oh yeah?

What do you

think of that, huh?

It's hugs and kisses, dude.

Mom writes that on my cards.

That's because

I love you both so much.

Thanks, Mommy.

Oh, God.

Truce!

Total p*ssy.

You're the biggest p*ssy

on planet Earth.

It's you.

- Hello?

- Jamie!

- Chris! How are you feeling?

- So much better.

Listen, I know

it's Christmas Eve,

- but do you have any plans tonight?

- No.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote