Just Friends Page #6

Well...

the revival theater

in town

is showing Nicholas Sparks's

"The Notebook."

Huh?

- Hello? I'm on the phone.

- Really you want to see "The Notebook"?

Yes, because I love

sentimental tear-jerkers.

I'm gonna friggin' puke.

Just a second.

- You are so dead. Do you hear me?

- Whatever, dude.

- What're you doing over there?

- F*ggot.

- Nothing.

- Ooh, that's my call-waiting. One second.

- So, anyway...

- Hello?

- Hey, Jamie. It's Dusty.

- Hey, Dusty.

Hey, listen, just...

Dude, I think

she left you hanging.

It's probably just an important

business call. Get off the phone.

- What, the bar ran out of curly fries?

- Get off the phone.

Dude, are you gonna

boink Jamie tonight?

Yes.

Are you happy now?

All right.

- Dude, "The Notebook"'s so gay.

- Get off the phone!

- Sorry about that.

- That's okay.

- So anyway, what do you say?

- About what?

Going to a movie tonight?

Then maybe later

we can go for some,

uh... herbal tea.

Okay, sure.

Um... You know what?

You're on my way to the theater.

Why don't I pick you up

at like 7:
30?

- It's a date.

- Homo.

- Bye for now.

- Bye.

Mom! Mom! Truce!

- Paris, here we come!

- Mm.

- But I'm not ready to play a gig.

- Of course you are.

No. No.

No!

- This is a bad idea, Chris.

- God, I'm so stupid!

- No you're not, baby.

- Here I am, trying to nurture this artist,

yet you're this

pop bubblegum sensation,

and that's okay.

Paris, here we come!

But I am an artist.

I am an artist!

Hey! I am an artist!

- Let's go do this.

- Are you ready for this?

I was born ready, b*tch.

- I'm really excited about this.

- Yeah, me too.

- Yeah.

- Okay, let's do this.

Yeah.

- Hey! Wait! You're not coming with me?

- Of course I am.

Mike's just giving you

a ride to the gig.

I'm gonna stay here, I'm gonna do

some administrative work

and I'm gonna

meet you there.

It's open mic night

at The Coffee House.

Coffee House is lame, dude.

Come on...

all right!

Think fast. Boop!

Oh!

Ow!

And I swear

- By the moon and the stars...

- Jesus.

- In the skies...

- Looks like the Michael Bolton starter kit.

I'll be there

And I swear

Like a shadow

that's by your side.

Showtime.

Come on!

How long does it...

- Mistletoe.

- Hello.

- Oh my God!

- Jamie! How are you?

You've grown into such

a beautiful young woman,

hasn't she, Chris?

Ding-dong.

Dusty. Hey. Why?

Are you kidding, man?

I love "The Notebook".

I mean, listen,

I know it might sound

a little corny,

maybe even a little femme,

but I find something

so resplendent

in the simplicity of Nicholas Sparks'

writing, you know what I mean?

Nice outfit, by the way.

Rock and roll.

Carol?

Oh my God.

- Carol...

- Dusty, oh my goodness.

- This is old-home week.

- Oh, absolutely.

- Is it okay that Dusty came?

- Oh, it's awesome that Dusty came.

Thank you.

- Okay.

...in the hospital. We got...

- Dust!

Hey, let's hit the road.

Well, you kids

have fun.

Oh, Carol, why don't

you come join us?

She's vacuuming.

W-well, I'd love to, but l...

I wouldn't want to impose.

- Oh, no imposition at all!

- No.

We'd love to have you,

wouldn't we, Chris?

Yeah, rad.

Awesome.

Mom's coming.

That's good.

- There's a group now.

- Yes!

- It was us. It was us.

- Oh, my darling.

Oh my sweetheart.

I love you so much.

- How much time do we have?

- I'm not sure.

Last time it was no more

than five minutes.

I love you, angel.

What happened to me?

This is so gay.

Oh, Dusty...

Son of a b*tch!

Huh?

Peanut.

Oh, no.

Forgiveness...

Show us your tits!

- Is more than saying sorry.

- Hey! Ashlee Simpson!

Forgive this!

Dusty, what kind

of car is this?

Carol, this little Japanese princess

here is called the Prius.

I think it's so neat

that you kids

care about

the environment.

- I love the environment.

- But honey, don't you drive

a Range Rover?

Aren't those bad?

Well, I had a really

nice time tonight,

and I hope we can

do it again soon.

Hey, Dusty,

thanks for comin'.

Oh, listen, man, it was

my pleasure, really.

Thank you all for having me.

It was so nice.

And hey, before I forget,

make sure

that you rinse that thing

at least twice a day, okay?

Your mouth is

a disgusting open cesspool

with germs and bacteria.

Now put that back!

- Christopher, put that back.

- Put it back!

Thanks.

Hey, anyone want

some cocoa?

Oh, Carol,

you are so sweet!

And I would love to do that,

except I volunteered at the hospital

so that Paul could spend

Christmas Eve with his family.

- So, I kinda gotta get going.

- Aw.

That's a drag. God!

Hey, Jamie,

what about you?

- Ready?

- Give me a Cougar roar. Cougar roar!

Aw.

Cookie Monster says

the Cougars are

great big cookies

at the top of the jar.

Ladies and Gentleman,

the amazing Chris Brander.

Oh my gosh,

I remember this.

He juggles three tennis balls,

but gets bored very quickly

and wants something else.

Shh-shh-shh, clear!

Clear!

No kissing!

That's right, Jamie Palamino,

you're my best friend!

I love you, Chris Brander.

Mwha!

Mwha, mwha, mwha!

Oh, your mom's car.

You see, this is more like you.

Yeah, I'm gonna take it

back to L.A.

- What?

- Guess what I found?

- No, the tape I made you?

- 1995.

- "The Summer of Like."

- Put it in.

Dun-nun-de-dun

de-dun-dun-dun

Oh, God.

- Oh!

- Oh my God,

I just peed a little.

- Good night, guys.

- Good night, Chris.

What's up?

- Little problem.

- Where are you?

- The Metal Shop.

- What?!

Hey! Hey, ow! Ow!

- That's it, b*tch. It's on!

- Come on!

Ah! I'm gonna kill you!

Not so funny now, b*tch, huh?!

- Not so funny now?!

- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Christmas, Christmas,

the happiest day of the year...

Kudos on the

Christmas cookies, Mom.

Thanks, pumpkin.

I'll be back in an hour.

Where sleigh bells ringing

and go jingle-ling

As we're dashing

through the snow

Christmas, Christmas

So, Jesus,

hear our song...

- What's up, Dude?

- Quiet, she's sleeping.

I'm going over

to Jamie's.

- Did you boink her yet?

- Shut it.

If she wakes up,

tell her I went to meet Bono.

- You're gonna meet Bono? I wanna come.

- No, you walking void,

it's a lie, but if she wakes up

just tell her I'll be back in a bit.

- Fine!

- Fine!

- I love you.

- I love you too.

Christmas,

Christmas

- The happiest day of the year

- Mike!

Oh, God!

Spreading

Christmas cheer

We wish you

a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

and a Happy New Year

This is pathetic!

Good tidings we bring,

to you and your kin

Good tidings for Christmas

- And a Happy New Year

- Oh sh*t!

Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

Encore! Encore!

Encore!

Okay, all right,

one more time.

- One more time. Okay.

- Oh yeah!

Here we go.

You guys, you know,

Christmas is the time

for giving.

And the most precious gift

that you can give...

- is your heart.

- Aww.

Jamie Palamino,

this is my gift to you.

When Jamie smiles

It takes me miles

From where I feel unsure

When Jamie smiles

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