Just Go With It Page #3

and they liked it.

And it stuck.

I always call it making a black pickle.

Making a what? I don't say that.

Out loud? Good. To others. No.

What are we gonna do about my love life, though?

Oh, Danny, I would feel terrible for you if I had any,

even the slightest, investment in you

successfully banging 23-year-olds.

Holy Devlin, you're not listening to me.

This is like not some bull-Devlin fling.

I mean, I'm serious.

This is the real Devlin. I could...

I swear to God, I could see myself

ending up with this girl.

Oh.

You're right. You can't tell her the truth.

High score!

Oh, God. Sorry.

I'm glad someone's doing good.

You know what? You don't wanna get serious,

'cause when you get serious, that leads to marriage,

and then marriage leads to divorce,

and divorce is just...

I mean, look at these poor kids.

You know, their dad was supposed

to pick them up today.

He was a no-show? Again.

But you know what?

At least I got my head together and I divorced him.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute.

You go ahead without me.

Oh, no, no, no.

Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer, Palmer.

I told you I didn't want to see you.

I just want to explain something to you.

Let me explain something to you.

I do not date married men.

My father cheated on my mom when I was young.

I am not going to be the other woman!

Adulterer! Fornicator!

All right, take it easy, Damien, all right?

Okay, his name is Silas, leave him out of this.

I'll kill you.

What? Anytime!

Listen! I am married.

But it is a horrible marriage.

She doesn't even talk to me anymore.

Danny, that's what all married men say.

If it's so bad, why don't you get divorced?

I am.

You are? Yes! It's over.

Oh, my God, I can't believe this.

I destroyed a marriage!

I really feel like I'm gonna be sick. I can't...

No, no, it wasn't 'cause of you!

I filed a long, long time ago.

We're gonna sign the papers in a couple of days

and it's like, she's dead to me.

What's her name?

Mrs. Maccabee.

You mean her first name? Her first name is Devlin.

Her name's Devlin?

Isn't that a shitty name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But Devlin and I are splitting up, fortunately,

'cause I caught her cheating on me with another guy.

I didn't catch her.

The television show Cheaters caught her and the guy.

And I told them not to air it, though,

because it's too painful.

They actually burned the tape so you can't see it.

But I would love you to.

There's another man?

There's another guy, yes. Dolph.

Dolph?

Dolph Lundgren. Yeah.

Like the guy from Rocky IV?

No, no, a different Dolph Lundgren.

Apparently, if you bring that one up,

this one gets really angry, so don't.

Danny, guys always say they're

gonna leave their wives.

They never do.

I'm telling you, she's happy with this Dolph guy,

good for her. Now I wanna be happy.

And the only way I can be happy is if I'm with you!

All right?

Just wanna be able to be with you

and not be called a "fornicator"

or an "adulterer" or whatever that

Children of the Corn kid was calling me.

Okay.

Okay?

I just need to hear it from her.

How about if she texts you, would that be good?

I need to meet her.

Let's do it.

You want me to be

your wife? DANNY: Uh-huh.

And you couldn't think of another

name, other than Devlin?

I practically took a Devlin in my

pants when she asked me.

"What's her name?" I got panicked.

I get nervous around this girl.

You got panicked?

You who invents a fake wife every Friday night?

Yeah. Doesn't that say something

about what I feel about this girl?

Have you ever thought about the time

that she's actually gonna walk

into your office... Uh-huh.

...and sees that I'm your assistantlreceptionist?

So easy. I'm a plastic surgeon,

you will never look like you again.

Snip, snap. Chip, chap. What are you talking about?

I'm kidding. I'll get you a fake mustache.

Oh, my God, you've really, really

not thought this through.

Will you please just look at some clothes?

Look at that. I don't wear...

I have clothes, by the way.

I do not need to do any of this. I'm fine.

Yes. You have the best clothes that Old Navy sells.

I'm just saying you gotta look

like a plastic surgeon's wife.

I want to create the illusion I had a hot first wife.

You're so... Not this!

Okay, come on, let's go, you asked for it.

I'm ready.

Wow! These are... Oh, geez.

Nice, nice.

It's just been a while since I've been in heels, sorry.

Okay, okay. Oh, gosh. Okay.

Get there. Yeah, great.

Oh, my God! These are gorgeous!

How much are these? $1,700.

$1,700? What, do you come with them?

My parents' house costs $1,700. No, no.

No. What, did Mickey Mantle sign those?

Why are they $1,700, they made outta panda?

Walk away. Yeah. You know what?

We won't really be needing them anyway.

'Cause I'm actually starting to...

I'm actually starting to feel not

so hot. Is it warm in here?

Whoo. I'm not sure I'll be able to make it this evening.

Very good. Okay, you know what? We'll take them.

It's your Christmas bonus. Oh, really?

Okay, then I would like them in blue, too.

In case a heel breaks or I just want to cuddle.

It's beautiful. You sicken me.

Yes, well, that's why we're getting a divorce.

We're getting a divorce because you're

greedy, schemy and selfish.

Actually, I think you need to

get the matching bag, too.

Yeah, I think I should.

Mmm. Thank you, Laurie. I agree.

All the girls are sticking together. Isn't that sweet?

Mmm-hmm. She's on your side, what a shock.

You asked for this. Trust me.

Uh-huh. You asked for this.

No.

No.

Hell, no! No, no, no!

What do you mean, no?

No? No what?

No hope. Okay? There's only one word for it.

What is it? Neglect.

Okay? This is the one word

for the whole thing. Are you the husband?

I'm the soon to be ex-husband.

We're getting a divorce.

Well, you know he's not divorcing you.

He's divorcing your head.

True 'dat, Ernesto. Right on the money.

Your hair is so messed up, I don't even...

Let me count the ways.

It's dull, it's dead, it's flat.

Don't forget smelly.

It don't smell, particularly...

Okay, I think we got it. You bad.

You is bad. Give me a little bit. That's bad, though.

You guys, come on, seriously.

Ernesto, can you just, please

do something, so we can be home

and I can get out of here?

Hurricane Katrina could do something, baby.

I'm gonna do something transcendent.

Katya! Yuri, Mrs. Hwiggins!

We going in deep, y'all.

You seem nervous, Danny.

No, no, I just...

It's weird, she gets me very tense.

I'm sorry to put you through this.

No, I understand why we're doing this.

I'm just looking forward to getting

past this part of my life

and moving on to the good part.

We will. Soon. Tonight.

Good God, yes.

Is that her?

I think so.

She's stunning.

I love her shoes.

Yeah, well, she got about five pairs of them.

Maybe she'll give you one.

Henderson!

Do you see Dr. Maccabee anywhere in this...

Oh! There he is.

Keep the car running, shan't be long.

Hello, boring!

Hey. You went with a limo driver?

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