Just One of the Guys Page #3

mean you can't write with sensitivity...

...with feeling, with heart.

But you do show promise.

Look.

I'm not gonna choose the winners

until a week from Monday.

So think of something exciting.

Try again.

Yeah, well...

...thanks.

Terry, I hate

when you're depressed.

I mean, if you're this upset

over your life, I should be suicidal.

I mean, look what Kevin sent you!

I'd do anything to come home

and find roses.

Can we define

the word "anything"?

Maybe Raymaker was right

about my article.

But I know I can do better.

I'm just confused.

Of course you're confused,

you're wearing my underwear.

Terry, forget it.

Come back to Pearl.

So you got a bad haircut. You got

a great life and a fabulous boyfriend.

I can't give up.

And today was a disaster,

and I was a major geek...

...but they all thought I was a guy.

I was in the boys' locker room.

- You were?

- Yes.

- And they were?

- Yes.

Can I be your younger brother?

There's a story here.

I don't know what, but I've got until

a week from Monday to find it.

Hey, what about, "Girl Gets

in Locker Room, Turns Stupid"?

I can still win that job.

I'm gonna go to Sturgis-Wilder...

...and I'm gonna start making

any friends I can find.

What if Kevin finds out you were in

the boys' locker room?

Would Woodward and Bernstein

worry about their girlfriends?

No.

Anyway, Kevin will never find out.

Unless I tell him.

Which I would never do

as long as Denise cooperates.

Denise?

When pigs fly.

Never hurts to ask.

It's driving me crazy!

I looked everywhere!

I can't find the back of my earring.

What am I supposed to do,

walk around all day with one earring?

It's so punk.

All you gotta do is break

the eraser off a pencil...

...and use it to hold your earring.

It'll get you through the day.

Oh, thanks.

I have sisters.

We're in the cafeteria, everything

eats and is eaten by something.

Don't take it personally.

Remember when l...

Hi, I'm Terry Griffith.

Hi, I'm Harold "Reptile" Sherbecoe.

It's time to feed Snowball his lunch.

Oh, Snowball, he's cute.

Oh, that's not Snowball.

No, this is Snowball.

That's lunch.

They don't make snake chow.

- It was very nice meeting you.

- Nice meeting you too.

Want some company?

Want some company?

- Want some company?

- Yeah, sure.

I'm Terry Griffith.

I'm sorry, I forgot your name.

- Rick Morehouse.

- Oh, yeah, that's it.

Last time we met,

I was in some bushes.

Right, big fun being

the new kid, huh?

Are you new?

Two months ago.

Actually, I'm a professional new kid.

Seven schools in three years,

I really know how to register.

Excuse me?

Hi, thanks, it worked great.

He knew how to fix my earring.

That's because he's a little tulip.

You know Deborah Strowbridge?

Not really.

But I mean, she talked to you.

Deborah Strowbridge is perfection.

Well, it seems to me

like she's got a boyfriend.

Yeah, well, there's no accounting

for taste.

- So are you a senior?

- Yeah.

You going to college?

Well, I like music, and I'd like

to do something in that field...

...but I'm not sure

you have to go to school for it.

I dig music a lot too.

I like the Clash and Talking Heads

and Springsteen and Prince.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Listen to this.

Look, what a fox.

Dresses like Elvis Costello,

looks like the Karate Kid.

I'm gonna get him.

Severe intestinal disorder.

What's the matter,

you have a little tummy ache?

What are you, a p*ssy?

My doctor said that I should be okay

by a week from Monday...

...so I guess

I'll just go to study hall.

No, you won't.

I have a little job for you, son.

Here you go.

Hey, knock yourself out.

You look like

you could use two.

Dragon coming through,

watch your toes.

Come on, Fifi, don't dawdle.

Come on.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

Tulip.

Hi.

It's me.

Nice to see you.

Hi, I'm Sandy.

- Terry.

- I know.

That's an incredible tie.

Where did you get it?

- At a store.

- Bitchen.

I guess if you're new,

you don't have a girlfriend.

Yeah, well, I got one back home.

Long-distance relationship?

Good luck.

Yo, Rick, you want a ride home?

Sure.

Yeah, well, gotta go, Sandy,

so I guess I'll see you around.

Yeah, you will.

She's pretty nice.

Yeah, but I got this one rule.

I never go out with girls

who say "bitchen."

Pull up right here, this is fine.

Thanks for the ride.

Well, what are you doing now?

Nothing.

Did you want to come in?

Well, I was just gonna tune up my car

and maybe play a little football...

...but yeah, I got time.

Okay.

If my mom comes home from work

and asks you about my girlfriend...

...just so you know...

...her name is Alice and she looks

a lot like Chrissy Evert Lloyd.

I just don't want her to worry

about my social life.

Yeah, but Chris Evert Lloyd?

It was Wimbledon week.

You want a beer?

Yeah, I'll take a brewski.

So you don't really have a girlfriend?

You guessed it.

- What about the prom?

- What about it?

Well, you know, sounds all right.

"Passion in Paradise."

You're renting out that big surf place.

Don't you want to go?

Yeah, but it's kind of a romantic night.

I'd rather not go with my mom.

Well, did you ask anyone?

Well, you better get going.

- Who's your first choice?

- You ask a lot of questions.

Rick, we're rapping man-to-man

about chicks and sh*t like that.

You know, like, still a virgin?

I don't know.

You don't know?

Weren't you paying attention?

- Are you a virgin?

- No.

Have you slept with a lot of girls?

- No. Have you ever slept with a girl?

- Yeah.

- Well, all right, let's hear the story.

- It's no big deal.

Just after my dad died...

...this friend of my mom's,

I think she wanted to cheer me up.

She did.

Is that your room?

Wait a minute, don't go in there.

It's kind of messy.

This is different.

I'm kind of into James Brown.

I guess so.

Prince, Michael Jackson,

it all goes back to James Brown.

The godfather of soul.

Not to mention Mr. Humanitarian,

Mr. Dynamite...

...and the hardest-working man

in show business.

New York City, live,

the Apollo Theater, 1962.

This man was king.

- Well, let's hear some sounds.

- I don't think so.

- Stereo broken?

- No, it's just something I do by myself.

Well, when I hear James,

I have to dance.

You know, like James,

go crazy, I can't help it.

And I'm usually alone when I do it.

That's cool, man. I can respect that.

How about another brewski, okay?

Okay.

Budster, the refrigerator gives

new meaning to the word "empty."

Hey, don't worry about breakfast.

This stuff tastes great cold.

You agreed to do half the shopping

while Mom and Dad were gone.

Yeah, that's right, the second half.

I'll tell you what,

I'll do the dishes.

Thank you.

I can see myself.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Hey, yo, scumbag.

Hey, suck your own.

Eat me.

Hey, same to you, butt face.

Mom says hi.

Yo, Rick, how they hanging?

It's Terry.

I want you to wear something

really hip tomorrow.

We're gonna get you

a date for the prom.

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