Just One of the Guys Page #4

Just do what I say.

Okay, yeah. Bye-bye.

Scumbag.

Sh*t, he hung up.

This is your idea of hip,

a guy who is into James Brown?

Could we please just forget

the whole thing?

Now, there is no reason

why you should miss that prom.

A girl would be crazy

to turn you down.

So come on, who is she?

Red sweater.

Cute shoes.

Go for it.

Just waltz right up there

and ask her out?

No, you gotta say something nice...

...like, how pretty her eyes are.

- Girls eat up that crap.

- Come on.

- Hi, Jeanine.

- Hi.

- I'm forgetting your name.

- Rick Morehouse.

You know, I sit right next to you

in Civics class.

You have beautiful eyes.

I'll bet.

Do you have a date for the prom?

Of course, it's next week, why?

Official prom committee survey,

thank you very much.

Terry.

This has got to be the one.

You know why?

Because I've asked everybody else.

No, because I've got this feeling.

True, I've had this feeling before,

but this time...

Beth, are you doing anything

prom night?

I'm going to the prom.

Saturday night.

- What about Saturday?

- I'm busy.

- Tonight?

- I'm busy.

- How about Sunday?

- I'm busy.

- How about any night in 1987?

- I'm busy.

I'm sorry.

How about yesterday?

Are you busy yesterday?

I think so,

but you can ask me out again.

- Hi, Terry.

- Oh, hey, Sandy.

Word's out your friend's

desperate for a date.

He would love my cousin, Jill.

She's cute.

- How cute?

- Extremely.

She's got, like, Joan Collins' eyes,

Christy Brinkley's teeth.

What about the rest of her?

Dynamite. Rick has to meet her.

How about if you and me and Rick and

Jill all meet up at the cave tonight?

We'll have a picnic.

Come on, we'll have fun.

This Jill better be some girl.

Buddy, can I borrow

your Army jacket?

What are you doing?

Just cleaning the house.

Budster, are you all right?

I am awesome.

Linda is on her way over.

Excuse me, Mr. Romance,

just out of curiosity...

...does this girl have any idea

she's coming over to light up your life?

Well, technically speaking, not really.

We'll probably start off

with some algebra...

...but once I turn on the charm,

she's mine.

Hand me that massage book, please.

Bud, why don't you take

the subtle approach?

Maybe hang a couple of salamis

from the ceiling.

At least my date is someone

of the opposite sex.

I'm just seeing Sandy for Rick.

For Rick, what happened to research?

Well, that's what I meant.

So for research, you're willing to toy

with this poor girl's emotions?

All you transvestites are alike.

You disgust me.

But of course,

that isn't the real problem here.

Oh, really, what is?

This woman's hot for you.

What if she goes nuts

and tears your clothes off?

That's what Craig Garfield said

Roxanne Doyle did.

- Yeah, what do I do then?

- Call me.

I can be there in 15 minutes.

Wait, you can't call me.

In fact, you can't come home.

You'll have to sleep in the cave.

The cave.

Oh, God.

I want to make a toast

to my good friend, Rick...

...a guy with a great sense of humor.

And here's to summer.

I swear, sixth grade is so bogus,

it's a joke.

Wanna take a walk?

I think they need some privacy.

Jill, you animal, you.

Come on.

Hey, wait, where you going?

Hey, man, don't leave me now.

You kids have fun, huh?

They left me.

It's okay, I'm still here.

Sandy, you tricked me bad.

You know, in five years,

Jill's going to make him very happy.

Yeah, I'm sure.

- Nice fire.

- Sandy, this is...

Don't talk.

Sandy, this is a big mistake.

Maybe, maybe not.

There's only one way to find out.

Sandy. Sandy, really.

Sandy, get out of there!

There really is

a very good explanation for that.

I'm flattered.

You are?

But you don't have to do this

to impress me.

- I don't?

- No.

I like you a lot.

I'll take one of those beers now.

It's okay. I mean, how small can it be?

Don't ask.

More cold duck?

Sure, hit me again.

If I give you 5 bucks,

would you go see a movie?

Terry promised she'd be home tonight.

I'm not leaving until I see her.

If I give you 10 bucks,

would you go wait in your car?

We're on number 22.

Let's keep going.

Bummer.

"If the coefficient of X

is greater than that of Y...

...and the coefficient of Y

is greater than that of C...

...then what can be said...

...about the coefficient of X

in relation to the coefficient of C?"

Hold it.

It's time Kevin knew the truth.

Terry moved to Oregon to join a

religious cult she saw on 60 Minutes.

It's all in the letter.

You should go home

and wait for her, Kevin.

Wait, two more problems.

- "If the coefficient of..."

- Hi, Kevin.

Terry, back from the cult.

Where the hell have you been?

You're gonna laugh.

I was upstairs looking for this skirt...

...and I fell asleep in the closet.

What did you do to your hair?

Oh, I cut it.

- Isn't it cute?

- Cute? It's gone!

What are you, drunk?

You are, you're drunk.

What's going on here?

We're supposed to get together.

Kevin. Honey. Angel.

I'll make it up to you, I promise.

When, tonight?

- Let me tuck you in.

- I can't tonight.

I'm working very hard on my article.

But I'll tell you what.

I'll walk you out to the car, okay?

Gee, a walk to the car.

Talk about your wild nights.

It's okay, because while you were

up in the closet getting drunk...

...I got to do algebra!

That's wonderful.

Crazy kids.

Well, alone at last.

Why are you smiling like that?

Because it's party time!

Let's dance! Let's great crazy!

Let's get drunk! Let's get naked!

Buddy, I love a good party,

but something about you worries me.

Linda, you're a nut.

Skinny dip in the pool,

back rub in the bedroom?

Pick a sin, any sin.

It's getting kind of late.

No, it's early.

- Bye.

- Linda, wait.

For God's sake, I vacuumed, Linda!

Buddy, you're a nice guy.

No, not a nice guy.

That's the kiss of death.

I'll see you in algebra.

Thanks for your help.

Linda, wait!

Would it make any difference at all

if I said I was hung like a bear?

It might. Are you?

No, just checking.

Goodbye, Buddy.

I like your hair.

That girl had incredible self-control.

Kevin hates me, Rick hates me.

Everybody hates me except Sandy.

Oh, yeah, how'd it go?

Did you get laid?

I bet I came closer than you did.

Years from now, Linda will look back

on this night and be very sorry.

Good night, Buddy.

Sorry, Spike.

Nothing much, Ma.

I did good on my history test.

Terry's become a transsexual.

She's starting to grow hair

on her chest.

Yeah, just a second.

Hey, Mom wants to talk to you.

She can't talk, Mom.

The doctor advised her

not to speak.

Something hormonal and vocal.

Besides, she's hung-over.

Yeah, she was out drinking

with the guys.

Okay, see you in a week.

We miss you too.

Okay, bye.

She thought I was kidding.

Yo, Rick!

Hi, Terry.

- Good morning, Mrs. Morehouse.

- Rick, Terry's here.

- Sorry about last night.

- Hey, that's okay.

If I was in the sixth grade,

I would have had a big night.

- Come on, we're going out.

- Let me guess.

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