Just One of the Guys Page #6

Either I'm jetting to Paris...

...or watching The Love Boat.

Denise.

Will you be my date at the prom?

You are so sexually confused.

- Please, just say you'll go with me.

- Why would you wanna go?

Because I promised Rick.

And if I don't go,

he won't go with Deborah.

Deborah. I am such a jerk.

I thought the whole point

was to get Rick a date.

Yeah, but not her. I mean,

what could he possibly see in her?

- She's totally wrong for him.

- Too pretty?

No, she's trouble.

I guess Rick needs someone

a lot more sensitive.

More like you, right?

Why would I want Rick

when I have Kevin?

Good question.

But do you like him?

Rick's not my type at all.

Sure, with my help,

he's come a long way.

He's stopped buying his clothes

at Nerds 'R' Us.

I know you, Terry, and you like him.

He's research.

My article's due Monday,

I've got a lot of good stuff.

But I still need something

to tie it all together.

Yeah, you like him.

Denise.

Just say you'll go

to the prom with me.

- I'll go to the prom with you.

- Oh, thank you.

I want a limo.

And you can't tell anyone.

Not my friends, not my parents,

no one. Deal?

Look, I'm not proud of this either.

God, look how low I've sunk.

And you know what's really sad is...

...you're the best date

I've had in weeks.

- How do I look?

- Beautiful.

Kevin really loves this outfit.

I wanna look really nice for him.

I guess you two haven't

had much time together...

...since...

...the sex change.

That's cute.

Hey, Denise, what's your rush?

We're young, we're wild.

Let's be young and wild together.

I'd rather get the phone book

and pick a name at random.

Hi, is Terry home?

Yeah, come on in.

- Hey, Terry, you got company.

- Come on up, I'm almost ready.

Hey, we could go to your place,

it's cool. I'm very flexible.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Terry?

Don't come in, I'm dressing.

Ter?

I'll be right out.

Hey, Sandy, what a nice surprise.

These are for you.

They're kissing fish.

To say sorry about the cave.

Yeah, I'm sorry too.

- How did you know where I lived?

- I followed you.

Why don't you go to Pearl?

Oh, I hate that school.

Bunch of snotty rich kids.

Anyway, thanks for the fish.

I'll put them by my bed.

- That's perfect. Is that your room?

- No, it's my little brother's room.

- That's my room over there.

- Let's see how they look.

Help me.

I think they'll look good over here.

Like, this is where you sleep

and do your homework?

Yeah, well, I like pictures of people.

Terry loves tits and ass.

These women

just aren't tits and ass.

Kim reads Vonnegut.

And Luanne,

Luanne despises toxic waste.

Don't let him fool you,

hardcore sex maniac.

Well, Terry treated me

with nothing but respect.

Very special.

Yeah, he's one of a kind, my bro.

Hey, I wonder

if that could be your pal, Kevin.

Yeah, Kevin. Why don't you go

downstairs and tell Kevin...

...l'm not quite ready and could he

please wait for me in the car.

I tried that once.

He doesn't like waiting in cars.

Thanks for stopping by, but

as you can see, I really am in a rush.

First there's something else

I have to give you.

- Nothing could top these fish.

- Don't be so sure.

Oh, my God, the fish! Were they fed

today? Look at those hungry eyes.

They're kissing.

They're turning cannibal.

Here. Feed them this, and I'll see

what I have in the kitchen.

You guys like pizza?

Buddy! Kevin!

Here she is.

- What are you doing here so early?

- It's 7:
30, I'm right on time.

Seven-thirty? I could have sworn

you said 8:
30.

I'll tell you what, I'll go get ready,

and you come back in an hour.

Terry, you know damn well

I said 7:
30.

You said you'd be ready

and dressed to kill.

So why do you look like hell?

I don't know.

Buddy, can I see you for a minute?

"I don't know"?

You're so great under pressure.

Listen, a half-naked woman's in your

room feeding the fish. She's all yours.

- Sounds too kinky for me.

- Budster, I need you. She needs you.

- You need her.

- Is she really half-naked?

- Maybe more now.

- What if you're lying?

- What if I'm not?

- Good point.

If I'm not back in a week,

forward my mail.

Kevin, darling!

Hello.

Where's Terry?

Gone. This isn't the first time

that androgynous sleaze-bucket...

...has broken

a beautiful girl's heart.

I am so embarrassed.

Why? The room's full

of naked women.

Wait, would you feel more comfortable

if I took my shirt off?

What a nice girl.

We can't go to Giovanni's

with you dressed like that.

Sure we can. We'll get it to go.

A long time ago I knew

this girl named Terry...

...she wore dresses and makeup.

She was hot.

Then one day she disappeared.

Do you know where she went?

She's right here.

You know, I'm still the same person.

And is that all you care about,

that I'm hot?

No, that's not all I care about.

Look, I'm under pressure,

my article's due Monday.

What is it with this article? It's nice

to have a hobby, but let's get serious.

A hobby?

I didn't mean...

...hobby like just a hobby, I...

I meant hobby

like an important hobby.

Well...

...how do I look?

- Dashing.

My zipper's open.

That was the dashing part.

- Budmeister, are you okay?

- No, Terry, I'm not.

Mom and Dad come home Monday.

I've had two weeks of total freedom.

The closest I've come to sex was a girl

who took her top off to seduce you.

What's wrong with me?

Not a thing.

Listen, sex is not that big a deal.

I'd like to form my own opinion.

It'll happen.

I know this place that delivers.

Massage Delight or something.

Can I borrow $200?

Buddy, why don't you just call up

the guys and go to the mall?

I'd rather wallow in my virginity.

Buddy, you know I can't answer it.

Please, this is almost over.

Yeah?

Yeah, Terry's here.

I'll see if it can talk.

It's Mr. Wonderful.

Hi, Kevin.

No, I can't tonight.

Listen, we have to have

a serious talk.

Yes, it's about us.

Listen, can we talk about this

later? I gotta go...

Bye, Kevin.

Mr. Wonderful is Mr. History?

All right.

I'm having such a good time,

no one here knows I used to be fat.

Tell me again how Rick

and Deborah belong together.

- Rick and Deborah belong together.

- What a crock!

He's doing it again,

he keeps giving me looks!

Thank you, you're very special.

We'll be right back.

He wants to talk to me,

do you mind if I go?

- No, really, go ahead.

- You're a great date.

Hey, Sandy.

About the other night, I feel like

a visitor from the planet of the sluts.

Hey, that's okay.

We all make mistakes.

Hi, Deb.

Greg.

You're dead.

- Can I help you?

- Yeah, parsley for eight, please.

- They're so cute.

- Yeah.

- I don't think they're hungry.

- Hi.

They really do prefer

mealworms or flies.

How could she do that to you?

We don't have a real commitment.

- She can date whoever she wants.

- In the middle of the prom?

Oh, there you are.

He's so excited, it's his first prom.

Terry?

- All right, where is she?

- It's that darn cult again.

They have her totally brainwashed.

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