K-9 Page #4

A movie star,

or maybe even an Indian chief

Workin' at the car wash

Workin' at the car wash, yeah

- Come on and sing it with me

- Car wash

- Sing it with the feelin', y'all

- Car wash, yeah

Some of the work gets kinda hard

This ain't no place to be

if you planned on bein' a star...

You look good.

Dry him off reaI good, boys.

Buff up that beak! Yeah.

Hey, extra dollar for a hot wax, right?

Armor-All him for me!

You smell good, but not like cedar chips.

Well, that concludes today's lesson

on "Don't screw with MichaeI Dooley. "

Class is dismissed.

That's all right. That was worth it.

so, you wanna tell me why I was talking

to a dead man this afternoon?

We had no way of knowing

that guy wasn't in the car.

Yeah. That's because

you were in a helicopter.

What kind of bullshit is that?

Choppers, machine guns.

Who do you guys think you are? Marines?

And you.

Why didn't you come to me?

Haven't I always taken care of you?

And you pay me back

by sending the law to my warehouse.

I didn't tell him nothin'!

I don't know how he found out about that.

Come on. I'd never roll on you guys.

I'm worried.

This guy Dooley's crazy.

Yeah. Crazy.

Well, I'll tell you something, Freddie.

You wouldn't be in this position

if these pissants had done their job.

You wanna know how to kill a man?

Well, I'll tell you how to kill a man.

You forget this hi-tech stuff.

You get a gun.

And then you find the man,

and you grab him.

And you put the gun to his head,

and you send his brains into outer space.

Not bad, huh?

Yeah. It's my nephew's.

It's a toy.

This one's reaI.

Now, this Dooley's

already into me for one shipment.

I don't want him to get

the next one. You understand?

- He's dead.

- "He's dead, he's dead. "

Don't tell me he's dead!

I want it done right this time.

I want it finished with this...

cop.

Clean this up.

Trace?

Honey?

Tracy?

I'm late. I'm late. I know I'm late.

I know I'm late. We missed

the ballet tonight, didn't we? Damn!

And you know how

I love the ballet. Love it!

I... Oh, you got the flowers.

I... I didn't know that.

Yeah, you owe me $45. They came COD.

Did you know you have an animaI

growing out of your pants?

Thank you, honey. I also have a dog here.

- Why is it among us?

- Oh, that's the reason I'm late.

I was racing home, trying

to get here to pick you up for the ballet,

and I passed this window,

and there he was.

Just sitting there,

looking a little lonely, a little helpIess.

I had to pick him up, honey. You like him?

- He's very sweet.

- He is, isn't he?

- Does he have a name?

- Uh-uh.

I think we should think of one together.

- How about...

- Jerry! Jerry's a good name.

- Yeah. Jerry. That's great.

- Does he do any tricks?

No, I haven't had

too much time to work with him.

Can you speak?

Good boy! Can you kiss?

Ooh!

Oh, you're a good puppy dog, huh?

- You're a sweetheart!

- Ass-kisser.

Oh, sure, I taught him those tricks.

Those are nothin', the easy ones.

I've been workin' on tougher things.

You know, like card tricks.

Tracy, I'm really sorry about the ballet.

I promise I'll take you later in the season,

like, during the play-offs.

- He's very protective.

- Mm-hm.

Agh!

Come here! Come on in the kitchen!

Come on in the kitchen!

Come on in the kitchen.

- Come on, Jerry. Come on.

- OK. Go with Dooley.

Yeah! Yeah!

Let's get somethin' to eat! Yeah!

Ooh, yeah!

Look. Let's get one thing straight:

the woman is mine!

We're both members of the animaI

kingdom. You know that, I know that.

And we both know

that this thing is really primaI.

If you think you're such a badass,

try that once more

and you're gonna end up

in a pet cemetery.

You remember the movie

Old Yeller?. Do you?

Remember when

they shot him at the end?

I didn't cry! Now come on!

Honey, I think he needs to go outside.

Nice night. Enjoy the view.

- Do you think he's in pain?

- Not yet.

Honey, why... why would he be in pain?

shut that damn dog up!

some of us are tryin' to sleep!

I'll handle it.

Come on, Jerry. You hungry?

A little late-night snack?

You know, we're a couple

of smart guys, you know that?

I like that in a dog. She likes that in a dog.

And she likes you.

But she loves me!

I just need a couple of hours.

You understand?

Here. You hungry?

T- bone. 16-ounce.

Mm. Good.

It'll thaw out in a few hours. Have a ball.

I'm back. All right.

Mm.

- Give me that.

- Dooley!

- Mm.

- He sucked that thing frozen!

- What?

- Nothin'. Nothin'.

You're trying to piss me off, aren't you?

You're pissing me off!

Come on! Come on!

Come on! Behind you!

Come on! Come here. Ow! Ow!

- My eye! My eye!

- Dooley!

- Hi, honey.

- What's going on?

I think he was just a little bit lonely.

He wanted to play.

- We should bring him into the bedroom.

- No!

- I don't think so.

- Come on. What a good boy!

- Oh, he loves it out here! He really does!

- Come on.

You're a sweetheart.

Just a little sweetheart.

Come on, Dooley.

Oh!

Mm. Ouch. Ooh.

Ow, you bit me. Ow.

- stop that. You can't bite me.

- You love it.

I can't. I can't do it.

- Why?

- He's watchin' me. I can feeI his eyes.

Look at him.

He's sitting there evaluating me.

He's not the one you have to impress.

Jesus!

- Want some eggs?

- No, I'll catch a doughnut downtown.

I gotta get goin'. Bye.

- Thank you for a hell of a night.

- My pleasure. I mean that!

Oh... I mean it too. Good morning!

What's the matter? Can't take it? Huh?

Kinda grinds you down in the battle

of wits, you're fighting unarmed?

Well, you're just a bad loser, that's all.

You gotta learn one thing: winning

isn't everything, but losing is nothing.

- Dooley...

- Huh? Yeah?

Yes, ma'am.

- Aw, sh*t.

- Exactly.

I can't believe

all that came out of one animaI.

Hey, notice anything different?

Huh? sure you do.

I used to say "Get in the car", "Get outta

the car", "Get in the back seat", "stay".

Commands are out. This is in.

There you go. You don't wanna listen,

I don't wanna talk.

All right? see you later, bub.

- Your champagne, sir.

- What is this?

- I didn't order any champagne.

- I know that, sir. It's a gift.

Take it back.

It must belong to somebody else.

- They said Mr Gilliam.

- I said get it out of here.

I don't want the champagne.

Lunch today?

- Is it expensive?

- Yes.

- How about a tall iced tea?

- There's a minimum.

- Why don't you just bring me the...

- OK.

.. menu?

Good boy!

What a good dog you are.

sit!

speak!

sit up.

Go put your ball away.

Gimme some lovin'!

That's... that's... that's great.

That's really... How do you do that?

Well, first of all, you've got

to give the dog a lot of love.

- A good, healthy diet.

- Chilli.

Exercise is important, too.

You know, the key

is to establish alpha leader

as soon as possible.

- Alpha leader? What's that?

- You gotta show 'em who's boss.

- Imprint on their psyche.

- I've done that. Believe me, I've done that.

- What... what... what is it, exactly.

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