Kangaroo Jack Page #4

I sure hope the two pots of coffee

and the Red Bull we gave him were enough!

Hey, man! How're you doing up there?

Never better, mate!

Why do you ask?

No reason. It's just that you

were passed out an hour ago.

That's just me morning ritual, mate.

I couldn't help but notice

that this is the Flying Dingo IV.

What happened to the I, II and III?

Now use the word in a sentence.

Amorphous:
Having no definite form.

Shapeless, as in:

"After Joey Clams got whacked,

his head was amorphous."

That was excellent.

Now let's move to the next level.

I think you should take this.

Hello.

I'm aggrieved to hear that, Mr. Smith.

Of course we had a deal.

Please, advise me if this situation changes.

Those two mammalucco didn't show.

Our friend feels they pocketed the 50 G's.

Maybe they figured it out.

My stepson couldn't figure out

a cheese sandwich...

...if they spotted him the pumpernickel

and the provolone.

So, what do you want to do?

You possess a valid passport.

I can't see anything from up here.

Hey, do you think you can

take us down a little lower?

Hang on to your knickers,

we're going in!

A little lower! A little lower!

Look out for that tree!

Could you please not do that again?

Thank you!

Hey, Charlie!

Look to the left!

Kangaroos!

They're kangaroos, all right!

A lot of kangaroos!

None with a red jacket.

You think he could be someplace else?

Wait!

- Look, look, it's Jackie Legs!

- There he is!

- That's him, that's him!

- I knew this would work!

- Blue, bring us around!

- Yeah, right!

Get me there, Blue!

Get up right on his tail

and stay with him no matter what!

Say hello to my little friend!

I got you now, Jackie Legs!

I'm gonna get you now.

You hit him?

I don't know.

He's still hopping.

Maybe it takes time

for it to take effect.

Yeah, all right.

Charlie?

Oh, my God.

- Mates?

- Yes?

Got a bit of a wrinkle here.

The old optics are on the fritz.

Stage one:
Temporary blindness.

- Was that the engine?!

- No.

That was me. For some reason,

I can't move me arms.

Stage two:
Partial paralysis!

Charlie, can you lean over

and take the stick?

I can still work the foot pedals.

- Oh, my God!

- Take the stick firmly in hand and...

- Blue!

- Stage three:

Total shutdown of motor skills!

English, Blue, English!

Stage four:

Fiery crash!

You okay?

- Yeah.

- You sure?

- Yeah.

- Good.

'Cause I am gonna beat you soft!

- Like this is my fault?

- First rule of aviation:

You never shoot the pilot!

Assume crash positions!

Blue, we already crashed.

Right. No worries, then.

Can I help you?

Think some friends of mine

passed through here.

A couple of Yanks?

- Friends?

- Yeah.

I promised the family back home

I'd take care of them.

Hello? Hello?

Come on, Blue, you got to

do something, man.

Hello? Hello?

Charlie, we gotta do something.

What can we do?

We have to hope Santa Claus over there

can fix the radio or someone looks for us.

Actually, someone is looking for us.

Mr. Smith.

- Louis!

- He didn't say...

...what I said he said.

What did he say

that you didn't say he said?

He thinks we stole his package, man,

so he's coming after us.

He mentioned cutting us up into little

bitty pieces and snacks for a crocodile.

Then the phone went out...

If Smith thinks we stole his money,

then by now Sal thinks we stole it.

Sal's not gonna hurt us.

He's married to your mother.

If Sal thinks we stole his money...

...he'll kill us in front of her,

then make her clean it up.

All we have to do is find the money

before Mr. Smith finds us...

...and everything is okay.

So what you're saying is that

we should find the money.

- Yes.

- How, Louis? How?

How are we gonna catch a kangaroo on foot?

Got it.

You ever heard of Devil's Marbles?

Due east. Bit of a walk, though.

Why, what's there?

The lady I told you about

at the wildlife office.

- The epileptic?

- Yes.

She works with animals and I bet

she can help us catch Jackie Legs.

- Please!

- Charlie.

It's better than being cut up

into little bitty pieces, man.

Not if you go first and I get to watch.

Look out, you blokes go ahead.

I'll fix the radio, be right with you.

- Which way is east, man?

- That way.

- Let's go, man.

- No, no, wait there.

That way.

Charlie?

I'm worried about Waffles.

Do you think she'll be okay with Sal?

Oh, sure.

As long as she doesn't dig up

any bodies in the back yard...

...she should be just fine.

- Good.

How far did Blue say this place was?

He didn't. He just said it was due east.

So is Brooklyn.

- You're the guide?

- Yes, sir.

My name Mr. Jimmy.

First-rate, expert Outback guide.

You'll be most happy with me.

Great freaking start.

Hey, listen, you know where we can

get some guns around here?

No worries. You boys hunters?

Yeah, hunters.

I think I just sweated out a bottle of Yoo-Hoo

I drank in the eighth grade.

Be cool. Dingoes.

Hey, that one kind of looks like Waffles.

Yeah, if Waffles had a crazed look

in his eyes and his face caked in blood.

Charlie?

Why are they staring at me like that?

Because I'm a green leaf salad

and you're the all-you-can-eat buffet.

You gotta help me out, man.

They gonna get me like they got that baby!

Feel that? Wind suddenly picked up.

It's like all of a sudden

the air conditioner's fixed.

Charlie, where are the dingoes going?

I think something bad

is about to happen here, Louis.

Hey, Charlie, look.

This feels good! I feel like I can fly.

Louis!

- Louis!

- I believe I can fly!

Louis, I wanna go back to Brooklyn!

Come in, Tansy, over.

Read you, over.

Boy, am I glad to hear you.

Listen, I've crashed me plane.

Can you send some help?

Your location, over.

It's west of the Simpson

and just south of King's Canyon.

Tansy?

You read me, Tansy?

Tansy?

Do you read me?

Must have been

some kind of freak sand storm.

Think so?

I think you need to eat.

Your blood sugar's getting low.

Stop it, Louis. Okay? Please, just stop it.

You know what I could really go for

right about now?

Some Roscoe's chicken and waffles...

...with a side of grits and a side of gravy.

I'm not listening to you.

Or better yet...

...one of those iced mocha-schmoca

things from Starbucks.

They're so cold and creamy.

My God.

Can you believe this?

Can you believe our luck?

What are the chances?

It's a miracle!

Oh, yeah!

Tunes!

Hey, Louis, what are you waiting for?

Come on, hop in.

Hey, look.

- They got Slurpees.

- Oh, Charlie.

Brain freeze!

It seemed so real.

That's why they call it a mirage.

At least you got to have fun

for a few minutes.

Yeah, because my brain is frying,

and I'm losing contact with reality.

You don't understand this

because this is how you usually function.

- That was uncalled for, Charlie.

- Was it?

Every decision you make, Louis, is a disaster.

That's right, Charlie, just blame me.

That way you relieve yourself

of all responsibility.

But let me tell you something...

...it's easier to mock than to do,

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