Kangaroo Jack Page #5

and you do nothing.

You just complain and whine like a woman.

You want to see me do something?

Bring it on, queen of the desert.

Louis. Louis, wait a second.

I'm having another one of those mirages.

And this one's a beauty.

Charlie.

Louis, please. Let me just enjoy this.

How you doing?

- Good. You?

- Good.

Louis, they feel so real.

- It's you.

- Yeah, it's me.

Love the jacket, Charlie.

It's hard to get something

that fits my shoulders. Nice!

How'd you know red was my favorite color?

You can talk!

And I can sing.

This is great.

Jackie? Mr. Legs?

If you could find your way clear

to give me back my money...

Money?

Oh, you mean that money!

Stop that!

Stop that!

Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please!

If Sal finds out...

If I find out what, Charlie?

That you lost my money?

- Sal?

- I ask you to do something for me.

This is not that!

- It wasn't my fault, it was Louis.

- Say what? My fault?

That's how you pay me back

after I saved your life?

- Louis?

- Next time you're drowning in the ocean...

...call Free Willy!

Let Willy set you free!

You know what, Sal?

You were right about him.

- Chicken blood!

- Smell it on his father.

- Smell it on him.

- Chicken blood.

- Chicken blood!

- Chicken blood!

Here.

Drink this.

It'll bring down the swelling.

Unfortunately, it'll also make

your testicles fall off.

I'm kidding.

It won't bring down the swelling.

About bloody time.

- Where are they?

- Piss off!

Fifteen years Special Air Services,

behind the line!

I'm down and out, mate.

I forgot more than you ever learned.

You'll get nothing from me!

Devil's Marbles.

Took off on foot, about ten hours ago.

See, that wasn't so difficult.

Knock-knock.

- Very funny.

- Can't be too careful.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

I didn't think they were real.

Oh, no! I mean,

I thought they were real...

Relax, I know what you mean.

Louis explained.

Listen, Louis and I have a little problem...

And I already told him,

I can't help you find your roo.

I've got to get back to Alice Springs. Sorry.

That's okay.

I understand.

- What?

- Look...

...Louis told me you need some money

to repopulate the earth with your rabbits.

Bilbies.

Bilbies.

How about this, we give you $2000...

...you help us get our stuff back.

- Two thousand dollars?

- Strictly business, no strings attached.

- What do you say? We got a deal?

- Deal.

Great. Hustle makes it happen.

- Let's get moving.

- Now?

You see, our passports are just

about to expire...

Nine of the ten most poisonous snakes

in the world live in Australia.

And they all come out at night.

How do you feel about a morning start?

Doesn't get any better than this, Louis.

Blue skies, fresh air!

And who even knew

there were camels in Australia?

These are noble beasts, my friend.

Proud, majestic...

Get used to it, boys. Camels do that.

I don't want to seem nosy,

but do you have some sort of plan here?

There hasn't been rain for weeks, right?

- Oh, God.

- Come on!

When the water dries up in the basins,

the kangaroos head for the rivers.

So that means we have two choices,

the Finke River or the Todd.

Since the Finke is 200 hundred miles away,

I'm leaning toward the Todd.

- Alrighty, then, to the Todd.

- To the Todd.

To the Todd!

Louis, what are you eating?

I picked a bunch of berries at camp.

Jessie said they were cool.

They smell just like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles

right before you add the milk.

- Go on, take a whiff.

- No, thank you.

- Give me some of those berries real quick!

- Go on, take some.

Man, these do smell pretty good.

Chicks in New York, they'd pay big money

to smell like that.

They're called snakeskin lily berries. Tut!

Impressive. How long you been in Australia?

I moved here with a friend from Milwaukee

three years ago for a semester...

...and never went back.

- Milwaukee!

You know, I once had a...

What is with these camels?

That one was me.

I swear to God we passed that same bush

two hours ago. What is going on?

- Well, it says here...

- What, again with the map?

Why don't you sit on your head,

try thinking with your butt.

Hey, Frankie, look!

Maybe this hump can tell us where we are.

How are you doing?

Got tranqued, crashed me plane, rescue

party knocked me out and left me to die.

All because of a bloody boomer.

We're looking for Alice Springs.

Heading straight for it, mate.

What about a lift?

- Why not? Get in.

- Beauty.

So what do you think?

No wonder the kangaroos come here.

Come on.

This looks like a good spot.

If there's a kangaroo within 500 miles,

he'll show up here eventually.

So when our guy shows up,

how are we gonna catch him?

You know what?

I've been thinking about that.

Have you ever thrown a bolo?

What?

Yo, what's a boomer?

- What?

- A boomer!

Oh, a kangaroo.

It was two of your blokes. Americans.

They were chasing after this kangaroo

in a red shiny jacket.

Don't that dork, Louis Booker,

always wear a shiny red jacket?

Yeah.

Never should have left the pub.

Yes! Yeah!

Is this an Olympic event?

Because I am bolo man!

I am bolo man!

- Bingo!

- Dingo? Where?

No, bingo. Look.

- Nice call, Jessie.

- So, that's Jackie Legs.

Kangaroo Jack in the flesh.

Can't get near him like that.

He'll take off running.

So, what do we do?

We have to disguise ourselves.

Get rid of our human scent.

And how are we going to do that?

We need to get a little closer.

Now, the only time we move

is when he's feeding.

This is very important. Don't make any

sudden movements or sounds.

- Okay.

- Got it.

There he goes.

Sh*t!

What is your problem?

- I got ants crawling up my leg!

- Just ignore them!

- I thought she said no sudden movements!

- Boys. Boys!

Hello?

- We're close enough. Spread out.

- Charlie.

They're having a picnic in my shorts.

And I brought the sweets!

- Louis, just keep it together!

- Okay!

Keep it together, Louis!

Keep it together.

I can't take it no more!

Oh, God!

Get off! Get off me! Get off me!

I'm gonna roll in the grass!

This is great! This is just great!

Now what are we gonna do?

Well, there's no more we can do today.

We'll just have to wait.

- I have an idea where they'll be tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?

No. This has gotta happen today.

We'll pitch camp here.

I'll get the firewood.

Oh, God.

Hey, sorry about that, man.

I was under attack.

That's all right. Look at her.

She thinks she's so much smarter than us.

I'm pretty sure she is, Charlie.

Let me ask you something, Mr. Jimmy.

Where do I go if I'm looking

for a missing kangaroo?

The sky is dry for many months.

- Wind is quiet from the...

- Kangaroos, Jim! Where are they?

The best bet is right here. Owen Springs.

What are you doing?

Jessie! I was going to take a bath.

Go!

- Yes!

- No.

Look, I'm hot, I'm filthy

and I wanna take a bath.

You can stay, you can go,

it makes no difference to me.

- Well, I'm not leaving. I was here first.

- Suit yourself.

It's gorgeous.

Hey, what are looking at?

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