Kangaroo Jack Page #6

- Well, you looked first.

- Yeah, I looked.

So, I looked too, all right?

Come near me, I'll kill you.

So nervous.

You have absolutely no effect on me.

No?

- You think you do.

- Just stating the obvious.

You are so not my type! You could kiss me

and it wouldn't make the slightest...

...difference.

- Nothing?

No. Sorry.

Well, I hate break it to you, honey, but that

kiss did absolutely nothing for me, either.

I'm not surprised,

if that's the best you can kiss.

You want to see the best I can kiss?

As a matter of fact, I...

See?

Nothing.

Same here. Nothing.

Really?

All right, I'll admit it.

This is the most sensual

romantic moment of my entire life.

And now it's over.

Hey, guys...

...I think it's time to get up.

What's going on?

- We're in a little bit of trouble.

- A little?

I've been following camel tracks all bloody

morning, so let's make short work of this.

Where's me moolah?

For God's sakes!

All this over $4000?

It's more, isn't it?

How much more?

$46,000 more.

And every cent of it is mine.

Now, there are two ways of doing this.

And one of them is a lot less painful

than the other.

Where's the money?

See, what happened was...

...we was driving and we hit this kangaroo.

- I was wearing my lucky jacket...

- Wrong answer.

Your mate, Blue, told us

that yarn about the boomer.

Mate.

I hope for your sake you were stupid enough

to hide that money in them saddle bags.

- You gotta believe us.

- No. You gotta believe me.

If it ain't there, I'm gonna carve

you up piece by piece.

- It's safe to assume you're not on vacation.

- No.

Charlie's stepfather is a mobster and

he sent us here to deliver a package.

- And you got me into the middle of this?

- Sorry. I never thought this would happen.

And you lied to me.

What do you know!

Bad news, fellas,

you were telling the truth.

Who wants to go first?

We can find your money.

If you kill us now, you'll never get it.

- I'm listening.

- I know a feeding ground near Owen Springs.

A eucalyptus grove a few kilometers

from here. That's where they'll be.

I'll take the sheila and ride ahead.

Jessie...

I didn't do it for you.

Listen up.

Once we're out of sight, I want you to

take our friends out to Kings Canyon.

You know what to do with them.

But don't go berko. Make it look natural.

Two Yanks tragically karking it

in the unapologetic Outback.

We're going in the wrong direction.

- They're gonna kill us.

- God knows what they'll do to Jessie.

I should have stopped this 20 years ago.

What are you talking about?

First time Sal came to my mother's

house, I knew he was no good.

But he bought me this first baseman's mitt,

that Don Mattingly model.

That was a great mitt.

I still feel bad about losing it.

When he left, my mom asked me

what I thought of him.

And I said, "I like him."

I should have stood up to him

and thrown him out of my house.

Charlie, you were 10.

Sal was right, Louis.

I got chicken blood.

I had it my whole life.

But that stops right now.

Louis, reach into my pants.

Don't do this. Go out like a man.

Look, we all have urges.

I remember this one time,

there was this well-built Latino...

My scissors! Reach into my pants

and get my scissors.

Okay.

Okay, Louis.

- Are you ready to go?

- You bet.

You think you can distract them?

You mean, make them watch this hand

instead of this one?

Piece of cake.

Freeze, sucker!

Get your hands up and turn slowly!

I'm warning you!

In 1983, I was the starting pitcher

in the Little League World Series.

I struck out 16 Taiwanese All-Stars!

To this day, the people of Asia

call me Sun Luc Dong...

...which means big black man

pretending to be 12!

My name's Carbone,

which means skinny white boy with a gun.

Good work, Sun Luc Dong.

You said they'd be here.

You're trying to pull a swifty

and I don't much like that.

There's also an area further along.

I'm tired of your howling.

What in bloody...?

Change of plans, Smith.

Come on, you two.

Let's go. Let's go, come on.

Jessie, come here.

- Easy, darling.

- Drop the knife, Smith.

You ever held a gun before, Charlie?

Don't answer that.

No.

You ever killed a man, Charlie?

Don't answer that.

No.

What do you do for a living

that makes you so brave, Charlie?

Really don't answer that.

I'm a hairdresser.

Now, drop the knife.

Come here, Jessie.

Yeah! We bad.

If you think you're off the hook

because you came back for me...

Never crossed my mind.

You better hope that's someone

coming to rescue you.

Frankie!

- What are you doing here?

- Sal heard you were having trouble...

...so he sent us to help you out.

- Who the hell are you?

- Frank Lombardo.

I represent the interests of Salvatore Maggio.

- You must be Smith.

- You're not wrong.

- What's going on here?

- These guys were trying to kill us.

Looks like we got here just in time.

You did good, kid.

Now, put that gun down

before you hurt yourself, all right?

Wow, Frankie.

I never thought I'd be happy to see you.

Frankie, this is Jessie.

Jessie, this is Frankie.

- Hi.

- You see...

...Louis and I, we fell

a little behind schedule...

And Jessie came along and helped us

get back on schedule again.

And so, you know... Uh-oh.

I know all about it, Charlie.

So you know about Jackie Legs?

From Canarsie? He's involved in this?

No, you guys are so sneaky and clever,

I didn't know.

Hurricanes leave smaller trails

than you two morons.

Sal is very disappointed to hear

you lost that money.

We'll get the money back.

It's too late for that. This time you

screwed up big. Final straw big.

Enough of the claptrap.

That money is mine.

Zip the lip, Dundee.

We had a contract

and it didn't involve no bloody roo.

I had to come all the way down here

to the sphincter of the galaxy...

...to straighten out this

puked-up fur ball of a mess.

- Do not agitate me.

- We had a contract!

Do not agitate me!

Let's get out of here.

Jessie, get as far away

from here as you can.

They're not after you.

Louis, we gotta get the money.

We drive the roo into the canyon,

we can corner him there.

- We?

- We did have a deal.

Enough!

Contract terminated.

Get in the car!

- There he goes!

- Turn him into the canyon!

Frankie!

Come on!

We got them!

Shoot at them, you idiot!

I could've stayed in Brooklyn for this!

Come on, baby!

Hold on!

I hate this country like a sickness!

Not me! Them!

My bad.

Bad brats!

- Get the dumb thing out of my face!

- I got it!

Watch your head!

- Watch out!

- For what?

Tight fit!

Crap!

- Louis, he's coming to you!

- Go get him, big guy!

I'm gonna get that money, Charlie!

I'm going for the money!

Oh, my God!

- Louis!

- Watch out!

Louis, no!

Stay still, Jackie Legs!

Yeah, I got it! I got it!

- I got the money!

- Louis!

Louis!

Hurry, Charlie!

I'm slipping, Charlie!

Charlie!

Louis, grab my hand.

Louis!

- Charlie!

- Hold on, Louis!

Give me your belt!

You'll be all right!

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