Katt Williams: Priceless: Afterlife Page #2

---

because blacks are better.

No, nobody.

We all are the same.

That's what...

That's what

makes us different

is that we the same.

That's why we different.

It's the reason

why we the same.

It's 'cause we different.

For white people,

I don't know how to explain it to you,

but for niggas,

same difference.

Just saying

we all need each other.

Life is already

too f***ed up as it is

for you to be

hating somebody

'cause of what the f***

they look like.

You don't have to do that.

You... no, no.

You could hate somebody

'cause they ain't sh*t.

See how that's

not racist at all?

"F*** you,

'cause you ain't sh*t."

That has no color

attached to it at all.

Reason I say that

is because if we really are

the greatest country

in the world,

then we need to decide

that we going

to get rid of racism

if possible in 2014

while we have

the opportunity.

Just saying we all

need each other.

The new racists don't

even hate on minorities.

They just hate

the ones they can beat.

That's why they ain't mad

at no big, swollen black

nigga with dreads and sh*t.

They ain't f***ing

none of them up at all.

It's always some 17-year-old

light-skinned nigga

that look like he

just had a backpack on

and got a belly

full of Yoo-hoo,

and he end up dead.

I keep saying, praise Jesus,

let one of these racists

run up on me

at a gas station,

bless God,

and tell me

my music is too loud

and see if

I don't shut off music

for the both of us.

Blaat!

F*** is you shooting

niggas for in the backseat?

They can't even

reach the radio.

Racists ain't sh*t.

We all need each other.

F*** the dumb sh*t.

Everybody's life

is too hard.

Minorities, our life

is already f***ed up.

Tell the f***ing truth.

Not to say, white people,

y'all's ain't f***ed up,

but y'all's f***ed up

and our f***ed up...

two separate cadences.

For white people,

this is f***ed up.

Good, good, good, good,

good, good,

good, f***ed up,

good, good, good,

good, good, good,

good, f***ed up.

For a nigga, it's a whole

different cadence.

It's just...

F***ed up, f***ed up,

f***ed up, f***ed up

F***ed up,

f***ed up, f***...

Have you double-Dutching

in your own sh*t.

We all need each other

is my point.

The racists

done got out of control.

These motherfuckers got time

to be mad

at breakfast commercials.

What the f***?

When did a racist care

about a balanced breakfast?

These racists mad

at Cheerio commercials.

I was mad at

the Cheerio commercial too,

but I was mad for

a completely nonracist reason.

I was mad

that a white woman

and a black man

would get together

and feed

their baby Cheerios.

That don't have

no flavor at all.

You couldn't have gave

the little nigga

some Count Chocula

or Cocoa Puffs or something,

told her about her heritage,

for crying out loud?

Just saying the racists

is getting out of control.

These motherfuckers

got mad at me

'cause I wasn't

mad at Paula Deen.

What the f***, motherf***er?

I can't be mad at everybody.

Have you not seen

my life, motherf***er?

Did you think I was

fixing to judge for...

I'm on my...

I'm on my fifth

second chance right now.

What did you...

what did you think

I was going to say?

First of all, I can't

even really be mad at her,

'cause I'm a fan.

I done seen

what this b*tch can do

with 45 minutes

and 12 sticks of butter.

You ain't just

fixing to tell me

what the f*** she said.

I ain't saying

she didn't say it.

I'm saying I would like

to hear the context...

in which she said it.

It might have been

all right.

She might have said,

"Hurry up with them niggas' chicken."

"Don't make niggas wait

all day on pork chops."

Just saying we all need

to be able to laugh.

F*** the dumb sh*t.

I got white heroes.

One of my motherfucking

white heroes

is that white lady that tried

to swim the English Channel.

That b*tch is

my motherfucking hero.

This b*tch

is trying to swim an ocean

by her motherfucking self.

One white woman

in the ocean

by her motherfucking self

with sharks and...

whatever the f***

is in there,

dolphins and porpoises

and sh*t.

And that's not the part,

minorities.

It ain't

that this white woman

is swimming this ocean

by herself.

It's not that.

She is swimming...

for free.

They not giving

this b*tch sh*t!

She don't get a prize,

a Prius,

a ribbon, nothing.

She just in the middle

of the ocean

swimming her motherfucking

ass off, just...

Meanwhile, you can't

get a black woman

to get in the pool

at your pool party.

It's this b*tch's pool

and her pool party.

She still ain't getting in.

This white woman got stung

176 times

by jellyfish.

What the...

when do you stop, ma'am?

When it hits your vagina?

Is that when you stop?

When that tags that

old clitoris, is that when...

"All right, b*tch.

Get the boat.

Get the boat.

We only got one of those."

Just saying,

we all got to be able

to laugh.

It's very important.

Minorities,

your life is hard.

Sometimes, you need

to be able to just go home,

laugh about some sh*t

for 22 minutes,

and then get back

to your sh*t.

The best part

is it's free.

You just got

to do the sh*t.

All right,

start off, minorities,

by if you feeling f***ed up,

find you a white show

to watch

with no niggas

on it at all.

I wouldn't tell you

this sh*t if it didn't work.

Two of my motherfucking

favorite motherfucking shows,

I'm embarrassed

to tell motherfuckers about.

I watch every episode,

but I don't be

out in the open.

I shut my curtains

and hide and sh*t,

like "12 Years a Slave,"

and don't want

no other niggas to see me.

But I watch every episode.

My favorite show

for two years

in a motherfucking row

is still motherfucking

"Swamp People."

That is my sh*t.

Oh, my God.

If you have not seen

this sh*t,

you have not lived yet.

It's some beautiful sh*t.

I think I just

like seeing minor...

rednecks

in their natural environment,

not killing minorities.

I think that's what it is.

I love this sh*t.

I watch every episode,

but I don't know why,

because every episode

is exactly...

Audience:

The same!

...like the last

goddamn episode.

They don't change sh*t.

Every episode

start with a man in a boat

going nowhere fast as sh*t.

He just...

And he's saying some sh*t

you can't

f***ing understand.

And then you accidentally

understand some of the sh*t,

and it scares

the sh*t out of you.

He just...

"We got to go out there

and get him, boy.

We got to go

out there and get him, boy.

We don't go out there

and get him,

he ain't going

to get hisself."

"Nah, I guess he ain't

going to get hisself.

I guess that makes

perfectly good sense."

And these white men

get out there

in that swamp,

and they are catching

700-, 800-pound

alligators.

And that's not the part,

minorities.

They are catching

these alligators

with their hands!

That's right.

Look at the niggas.

Don't even believe me.

With their real hands.

Not a weapon.

Not a stick.

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote